iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
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GET IN HERE AND SPECULATE WHY RAND PAUL WAS ATTACKED

Rand’s neighbor of 17 years ambushed the good Senator while mowing his lawn and beat the stuffing out of him, cracking 5 ribs, knocking out 3 teeth, and possibly breaking his jaw. He was charged with a 4th degree assault and released on a laughable $7,500 bail. What?!

Rand’s staff has been downplaying it and his neighbors’ lawyer said it was an altercation of a ‘trivial’ event. What?!

“Senator Paul has five rib fractures including three displaced fractures. This type of injury is caused by high-velocity severe force,” Doug Stafford, a senior adviser to Paul, said in a statement, according to multiple media reports.

“It is not clear exactly how soon he will return to work, as the pain is considerable as is the difficulty in getting around, including flying,” the reports quoted Stafford as saying. He added that the senator’s type of injury could lead to life-threatening injuries.

In short, you can now beat the shit out of your local US Senator for a slap on the wrist and $7,500 bail cost. What really happened here? Crime of passion, absurd accident, fight club?

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13 comments

  1. rahagar

    If you can’t kick the ass of a US Senator whose politics you find distasteful for blowing leaves unto your pristine yard…then what is this nation coming to.

    Lordy, Rand shoulda been packing a piece on him.

    Seriously though, what is this intolerant nation coming to? 140 character attention spans with tempers and tolerances even shorter.

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  2. fxtradepro

    Gotta be banging his wife.

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  3. sarcrilege

    Rand Paul tripped and his dick accidentally fell into Boucher’s wife’s mouth would be my guess.

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  4. moosh

    Doctors are plain weird. That was clearly a sore loser from a weekend of playing bones.

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  5. ironbird

    Does it matter. Find a Commie and you will find a Patriot fucking his wife.

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  6. ferd

    Rand just didn’t fit in in his KY neighborhood. He married outside the immediate family and he has teeth.

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  7. wolfdaddy

    Since we are talking Kentucky, I’m guessing gay bath salt incident

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  8. bintercorp

    Dr. Doucher is a Democrat. He’s also a retired anesthesiologist which means a long history of being exposed to toxic substances. These facts combined mean he’s highly likely to be a complete psycho.

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  9. flychecker

    I shit you not, it was a landscaping dispute.

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  10. ironbird

    The only safe politicians are faggots and bull dykes from California. There is a Chink that loved Spacey.

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  11. Raul3

    “Let’s burn a bunch of gasoline to blow leaves around.” – humans

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  12. Po Pimp

    Got his ass beat for that stupid haircut.

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