iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
17,115 Blog Posts

BACK FROM THE VEGAN DEAD

I was having descriptive dreams of broccoli spears chasing me down Wall Street. As I attempted to cut a corner, a gigantic asparagus man clothes lined me and slapped the shit out of me with his leafy hands. I’m pretty sure a minor form of delirium had set in, likely due to a heightened temperature.

As expected, I woke up every half hour, almost in a sheer panic about my stock positions. Alas, I woke up around 12:46pm, for the last time, and they were all doing just fine.

There is notable strength in both UAN and SMI today, the former being a recipient of a very rare ’emergency buy’ yesterday. I will be regaining my strength soon, as I am currently drinking a bottle of water with a vitamin c packet in it and a pumpkin bagel filled with delicious slimy vegetables.

Outliers to the upside are oil and the downside semis. It’s a do nothing day, for the most part. What have you been doing with your meaningless lives?

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19 comments

  1. matt_bear

    i’ve been enjoying the mazor $50 roll.

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  2. heckler

    I had friends and neighbors over for a rather epic crab boil last night. We literally watched a spider catch and eat another spider, inside my house, which I should say was rather exhilarating.

    This morning I took a bath, with salts. And I gambled on a few stocks. I need to take a nap now because I’m going night fishing this evening.

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  3. traderconfessions

    I’m eating a dozen Peanut M&Ms while watching my portfolio climb. You will die thin with a greenish hue.

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  4. zola

    I am idling along, watching PR get destroyed by Maria from Hell, whilst I debate about buying Nov calls on $VIX, because “7”. So, did you need two buckets? http://time.com/money/4931499/a-130-year-old-curse-is-due-to-hit-stocks-this-month/

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  5. speerothekid

    Eating meat responsibly.

    Because I’m reasonable and healthy.

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  6. heaterman

    What am I doing?
    Working my butt off whilst all my positions suffer whatever the hell is going on with them today.
    AAOI , APPL, FB, OLED, etc etc.
    All seem to have become infected, possibly with the same virus afflicting the keeper of these hallowed halls.

    So… time for politics!
    Place your bets here as to when info on the Awan brothers laptop leads Hillary and half of the duly elected democrats directly to JAIL , with no get out free card in sight.
    No pardon will be forthcoming from Trump.
    Extra green frog god…

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    • TheBigRagu

      I hope your right but unfortunately it will be a big nothing burger.
      Or in Fly’s case a nothing veggie burger.

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  7. tradercaddy

    Try ordering a pumpkin bagel in mid town or the lower east side as no self respecting bagel shop would carry such an unpleasant dough ball.
    They would expect to see you wearing a fanny pack and cargo shorts.

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