18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
17,856 Blog Posts

Man in Blue Blazer: Sell Tech Stocks Now

Carter Braxton Worth, ahead of summering near the shore of Nantucket, dropped by CNBC this afternoon, clad in his bearshitter uniform of khaki pants and blue blazer with gold buttons affixed to it, to tell the world to SELL AMERICAN TECH STOCKS NOW.

He went into a bunch of random theories, none of which I bothered paying attention to. Truth be told, I was a little busy eating a greek yogurt, watching the Lebron James basketball show. But I’m sure Mr. Worth made a ton of great suggestions and will end up making you a fucking fortune.

Doom beckons and it’s just around the bend.

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  1. heaterman

    Why “tech” is not going away…

    – Hello! Gordon’s pizza?

    – No sir this is Google’s pizza.

    – Sorry, I must have dialed a wrong number?

    – No sir, Google bought out
    Gordon’s Pizza a short while ago.

    – OK. Take my order please.

    – OK sir, would you like your usual?”

    – The usual? You know me?

    – According to our caller-ID database,
    your last 12 orders were for pizza with
    cheese and sausage toppings,
    thick crust and crisp.

    – OK! That’s it…

    – May I suggest this time you add ricotta,
    arugula with dry tomato toppings?

    – What? I hate vegetables.

    – Your cholesterol is not good, sir.”

    – How do you know that?

    – We cross-matched your phone number
    with your name and your online medical portal.
    We have the result of your blood tests
    for the past 7 years.

    – Okay, but I do not want those toppings,
    I already take medicine …

    – Excuse me, but you have not taken
    your medicine regularly.
    We can see from our database,
    4 months ago, you only purchased
    a box with 30 cholesterol tablets at CVS.

    – I bought more from another pharmacy.

    – Such a transaction is not showing
    in your credit card account.

    – I paid in cash.

    – But you did not withdraw that much cash
    according to your recent bank statement.

    – I have another source of cash.

    – That is not showing as per your latest
    tax return unless you obtained it from
    an undeclared income source.

    WHAT THE…..

    – “I’m sorry, sir, we use such information
    only with the intention of helping you.

    – Enough! I’m sick of Google, Facebook,
    Twitter, WhatsApp. I’m going to an Island
    without internet, cable TV, where there is
    no cell phone service and no one to spy on me.

    – “I understand sir but you’ll need to renew
    your passport first as it expired 6 weeks ago!

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  2. NotGekko

    You win the interwebz for today

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  3. sarcrilege

    Everything on CNBC is for entertainment purposes only. It cannot be taken seriously. It’s like midget wrestling. All fake.

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  4. ironbird

    Only faggots and bull dykes watch CNBS. And cucks.

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