WILLIAM FRANCIS ACKMAN SURRENDERS THE VALEANT WAR; STEPS DOWN FROM BOARD AND CRIES IN CORNER

Christine Wang from CNBC is reporting Bill Ackman, the beleaguered billionaire hedge fund manager who once nearly crippled himself in a bike race against Dan Loeb, has reportedly sold out of his $VRX position and will be stepping down from its board.

Let this be a lesson to some of you youngsters out there, coming up in the world.

Here is the lesson.

After you become a billionaire hedge fund manager and begin conducting yourself like a complete asshole, try to remain discreet about your positions and try not to marry them — as most end up in divorce. In this case, Bill married the fat slob from Valeant, Mike Pearson, and got caught holding a bag of dicks, plus $2 billion in losses, as a result.

After his high profile debacles in JCP, HLF short and now this, I doubt Bill will ever make it to $10 billion in net worth — which is a shame because he was on his way. Instead, he’ll need to downsize to sub $100m penthouses and fly economy, in order to preserve his stately existence.

Life does go on, however.

Shares of VRX are getting ‘gorilla raped’ in the after hours session — down by more than 7%.