BRACE YOURSELVES, SNOW IS COMING

Family idiots across the east coast of the United States are in a state of sheer, unadulterated, panic now, as a substance called ‘snow’ makes its way towards them — barreling ahead at high speeds threatening to both freeze and starve anything in its path.

As such, workers on the fiefdom have begun to prepare to become upbraided — scouring local haberdasheries for both food and supplies that will protect them in their hour of need.

Earlier today, I can attest to the fact that I bore witness to my neighbor unloading at least 3 gallons of cow’s milk from his car, into his human containment vessel. His outward demeanor has always been mostly laconic, rarely uttering idle pleasantries upon seeing each other. But today was a different beast. I could only surmise the obsequious looming threat of an extinction level event, at least in his mind, caused him to take strident steps towards me to ask if I had prepared for the storm that is to come.

‘Did you go shopping yet? The stores are packed. You should go now if you haven’t already. The weatherman said we might get 18 inches of snow.’

To that, I denoted an over abundance of both milk and bread were conveniently found inside of my pantry and that my back up generator was somewhat questionable, but should be ready by tomorrow’s harrowing affair.

After an awkward silence, he removed himself from the conversation, without ever utilizing any of the conventional social graces of decorum that is expected by well bred citizens of the human race. Instead, a staggered shuffle back to his beaten up car, followed by a frantic grab of at least 10 grocery bags, followed by a half cocked waive towards my general direction with his eyes firmly fixed on the floor, marked the end to our little prattle.