Attention Exodus Members: The New GARP Index Has Been Launched

Pardon the late night, late year self-indulgence. We do need to keep the champagne flowing around here and have worked very hard at keeping Exodus a top tier information tool for investors. I just launched the new GARP index for the first half of 2017 and it’s probably my boldest yet. I can’t give any details away to non-members, since your sort do not possess such privileges, but just know that I placed a lot of effort behind it.

As God is my witness, it will likely return -100% over the next six months. Nonetheless, I’ve prepared myself for extreme winship in 2017. After a year traveling the seven seas in an ark filled with gay giraffes and attack cobras, I’ve earned the right, by natural law, to return to my former glory and grace — imbued with the powers of 10,000 men and the brains of a billion — to set forth into the stock exchange and to remove the money from others and gently place it into my own pockets.

To all those interested in crossing my path, or to obstruct me in any way humanly possible, just know that I will crush and smother you — rip your skin from your skeletal bones — crown to toe — and then grind your bones into dust to be used in my summer gardens.

The GARP INDEX, gentlemen.