I’m sure plenty of you homeowners out there deal with the incessant parade of two bit salesmen coming to your door in search of a sale. Recently, I was entreated to a very special Bernard Maddof character, who was from the solar company VSLR in search of personal fortune.
He was most likely employed straight out of a prison facility, white male , mid 40s, wearing an orange and black construction vest.
Upon opening the door, I saw that he had a Pg&e (my local electric utility) clipboard with him, with an official document facing me, from Pg&e, attached to it.
He asked me ‘ hello Sir, have you seen the construction trucks passing by the neighborhood recently?’
Because I have an aversion to door-step salesmen, immediately, I denied seeing anything. Had God himself been down the block creating humans with a magic staff, I’d deny seeing it too, if asked by a fucking porch planted salesman.
Then I spotted his ID tag and it said Vivint Solar. I shot back with force “not interested.”
He responded, wearing a fucking construction company hard hat, “excuse me? What do you mean? I’m from the local utility and we’re seeing if you qualify for renewable energy.”
I interrupted him and said “you’re from a solar company, selling those hideous panels and sticking them onto innocent people’s roofs. Again, I’m not interested.”
He shot back in a smug, condescending manner “you’re not interested in green energy, even though it’s paid for by the government?”
I said “yep, not interested.”
In a valiant last ditch effort, with a chuckle that he probably learned in prison, he said “I don’t even know if you’re qualified. That’s why I’m here, to assess your home. We have a contract with your utility, Pg&e.”
I interrupted him again and said that I didn’t like ‘green energy’ (extra Cat in the Hat) and that ‘I loathed solar panels with every fiber of my existence.’ Moreover, and indelibly so, ‘had you offered to pay for those panels and then continue to pay me a monthly fee to store those blights that you call solar panels on my roof, I’d still tell you that I wasn’t at all interested.’
‘Okay, I guess you don’t like green energy.’
‘Indeed.’
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They don’t come around my neighborhood but they sure do a lot of telemarketing, from call centers in prisons no doubt.
This is a fantastic anecdote. “Not interested.” “What do you mean.” “Fuck you is what I mean. Get out of here.” So good.
I have been advised from my local police chief that all door to door salesman should be reported to the authorities immediately for swift detainment and questioning. It appears that they are going door to door as a ruse to break into our homes and steal our things when we’re not home (sometimes even when we are home).
I am aware of this. And this is why I reject all salesmen.
Funny stuff.
We wanted solar and wind power for our new beach house in the outer banks, where it is sunny 300 days a year and the wind always blows. There’s not a solar company within 200 miles. Sigh.
I want solar panels, but we are so miserly with our electrical use (gas stove, gas water heater, gas dryer, mild climate) that the lease companies won’t do it and an outright purchase has too long a payback time due to the low monthly savings versus fixed cost.
Further ahead, I envision a system sized to cover domestic use plus plug-in EV or hybrid. The system will have controls to let the system operate off grid when there is a power outage due to weather, fire, earthquake, etc. Probably little or no battery storage, though. Sorry, Elon. It would sit idle most of the time.
Meanwhile, I wish I could get all the companies that won’t let me be a customer to stop letting me be a sales prospect.
I treat the salespeople nicely if they say they are a solar company, but I treat them like dirt if they say they identify themselves as working for “a government program” or “not selling anything, just conducting a green-energy survey”.
My story is identical, right down to the utility company and the solar peddler. Where mine differs, however, is the representative. No bruised parolees here. Just teens. And by teens, I don’t mean 19 y/o college students. I mean 15 y/o high school freshman armed with acne medication and the latest iPad. No level of computing power can help any 15 y/o sell any durable good to a well qualified, post-housing-bubble home owner. In fact, the only good a 15 y/o is capable of selling effectively is the consumable known as MDMA.
Time for some malts. Happy Friday.
I got Solar 3 years ago, my SoCal Edison bill went from $3800 per year to just the net metering charges, which are minimal.
The big advantage is the ability to use the AC (we live in SoCal) in an unrestricted manner, you see the wife likes it cold…..she is “Frigid” in more ways than one!!
So go do the math? The system cost me $32K installed, of which I got back $14k in total credits from you tax payers. The system is guaranteed for 25 years, so $18K over 25 years is $720 or $60 month, so in reality my payback period is 4.73 years, based on my annual electricity bill of $3800.
My only issue is it don’t fucking work at night, still trying to figure out why.
My next move is installing battery backup, so I can tell SoCal Edison to go shove there service where the Sun don’t shine (excuse the pun)
However, when a sales man does call, I unlike you do invite him in, and spend some time getting him all excited over the possibility of signing me up for Solar, then when I start to get bored with him, I say lets go outside and take a look at the roof to see where we can put them, then look horrified when I spot that they are already on the roof. Shouting how in the fuck did they appear, they were not there last night.
Suffice to say, I do not get that many visits from the SS anymore (Solar Salesmen) I guess I am on there blacklist.
Have a great weekend watching your electric meter spin forwards, while I watch mine spinning backwards.. Ta Ta.
you’re getting raped in CA. my bill is like 1400 a year in FL.
I take it Fly is not interested in solar panels.
Classic
You actually act like that in the flesh? You are becoming a grumpy old man…what is do awful about Solar?
“I didn’t like ‘green energy’ (extra Cat in the Hat)” -> not grumpy
lmao! oh that’s hilarious!!! I’d definitely be feeling the same way. My buddy makes a fortune selling those things to people. Takes 30 years to pay the damn things off in terms of break even.
Sir Fly,
I thought you lived in New Jersey or something. How do you have PG&E?
I’m sure he meant pse&g
Used to work for one about half a decade ago. Second job out of college. We would pay for the panels and the homeowner would buy a “power purchase plan” were you essentially still pay your power bill, but to us instead of your local utility.
The catch (if you’d call it that) is that they collect the solar tax credit voucher that would normally go to the customer, bundle them up into one super giant tax credit voucher, and then sell it to a bank who would use it to alleviate their tax burden.
Not sure if this model works anymore since the voucher system may have changed. I remember it vividly since I used to always read iBankCoin to break the monotony of work there. I used to sit next to all the finance guys whom we all hired from New York City banks to structure the credit voucher process and I would always associate them with iBC.