SHOCKER: Zimbabwe Runs Out of Cash; Races to Print its Own U.S. Dollar

Most of you are too busy idling on porn sites to know the history of Zimbabwe and how this country managed to fuck itself.

Back in 2009, they were so fucked via inflation, they printed 100 trillion notes. Since then, they switched to the U.S. Dollar and South African rand and everything was going swimmingly until trade deficits and wanton savagery began to take its toll.

Now the country is completely fucked, out of cash again.

The only thing left to do, naturally, is TO RESUME THE PRODUCTION OF THE “U.S. DOLLAR”, so that people can buy groceries and pay rent.

A recent shortage of foreign notes led Reserve Bank Governor John Mangudya to unveil a raft of radical measures on Wednesday, including limiting withdrawals to $1,000 or 20,000 South African rand per day.

Mangudya said that the central bank would also print its own dollar-equivalent bond notes – “which are currently at the design stage” – to ease the cash crunch.

Mangudya denied the new banknotes were a step towards re-introducing the tarnished Zimbabwe dollar, but the plan was still criticised by some experts.

“This is extremely damaging to the interests of everyone and very dangerous to the economy,” independent economist John Robertson said in Harare.

“It won’t be long before this becomes another inflation story. People will refuse to be paid their wages in bond notes.

“Shops will not accept them as they cannot be used to restock [from abroad]. I am hoping that the government can be talked out of it.”

Bond coins were introduced in Zimbabwe in 2014 to tackle the problem of small change.

The new notes in denominations of $2, $5, $10 and $20 will play a similar role, acting as tokens.

All men were created equal, some more equal than others.