Here are the Best ETFs to Play the Santa Claus Rally

I think I might finally toss in the towel on stocks in 2016 and focus where my true strengths lie, global macro calls. I can easily accomplish this end via ETFs. As an example, had I just bought and sold SPY this year, using Exodus‘ OS signals, I’d be up 9% on just 28 trades. My actual YTD gains are almost twice that; but there is distinct value in  having a system in place to reduce anxiety and adhere to limits.

As we enter the week of National Festival, a time when fat people reign supreme, sloshing through gallons of buckets of gravy, I am reminded of two more deadly sins: greed and wrath.

Very soon, a fatter America will barnstorm through their local Walmarts and Best Buys, to be first in line to attain discounts, to kick off the Black Friday holiday season, a time when Santa Claus delivers high end electronics to your bratty kids plastic trees.

Here are the best performing ETFs, historically, during the month of December.

The homies caught my eye here. Under further inspection, it appears the homebuilders may in effect be a fucking buy heading into year end. Pardon my gratuitous usuage of profanity. I am unaccustomed to civilized life, having grown up in the depraved sewers of Brooklyn, NY–before it was gentrified and shit.

Homebuilder seasonally swag

Top homie pick: TOL

Data provided by Exodus

Everything is back to normal. Our dog eating, child enslaving, friends from the far east have lifted the ban on IPOs that has been in place for the past 5 month’s. On this news, I expect the grandest of rallies, as all of China’s finest come out to celebrate this event and support their wonderful, shit laden, corporations.

The CSRC said that IPOs of 28 companies will be allowed to proceed by the end of the year, after they were suspended in July following a market rout. The 28 will probably tie up 3.4 trillion yuan ($533 billion) in subscription, according to the median of six analyst estimates compiled by Bloomberg.

Anyone else excited, like erection in pants happy, over this?

Congratulations to the following gents on attaining a position inside of iBankCoin’s Peanut Gallery. Let’s hope you’ve got what it takes to avoid expeditious firing.

Exodus’s own Jungle Girl- Twitter acct pending.

@morykan

@varelresearch

@RampCapitalLLC

@Shaq48_Trading

@activiststocks

@firehorsecaper

As for those who didn’t make this cut, do not lose faith. I am sure a third tier site will accept your services, or worse: Seeking Alpha. The method by which the bloggers are selected is proprietary 22nd century technology. We delve, mind you, into your Twitter accounts and search for ‘grave depravity’ and ‘lunacy’. Upon  finding any, contestants are excluded from the pool of potentials. Bear in mind, iBankCoin is in a league of its own, a champion of champions, your favorite bloggers favorite blog. So, with that in mind, we must adhere to the strictest standards in the business.

Including staff, total writers that travel these halls now total an impressive 20.

Please welcome the new lads and follow them on Twitter.

Out of many emails, thus far, I’ve chosen just 3 of you. I wanted to choose 5; but you’re all so flawed and terribly ridiculous people: I can’t get myself to permit you to blog for me.

I am unsure if I will permit anymore persons into these hallowed halls. I intend to solidify my decision by tomorrow, so if there’s anyone out there with a modicum of decorum, who’s interested in writing for IBC, now is the time to contact me to let me know: flybroker @ gmail.com

Totally disgusted,

Good day.

This is my favorite comedy of all time. For some reason, it’s always on during Thanksgiving, so I am reminded of it this time of year.

It’s a story about a white russian drinking stoner on a mission to find a woman, teamed up with a violent Vietnman war vet and some other guy, whose journey borders on the obscene with lots of laughs along the way. If this movie doesn’t make you laugh at least 10 times, you’re an idiot…man.

It was a fine week. I have no complaints, other than the fact that two of my 5 top positions sucked wind. SHAK is acting like they’re purposely putting razor blades in their burgers. I get the fact that short sellers hate SHAK. Miserable bastards. But drilling it down like this is bound to boom-a-rang your face off. Next thing you know, kangaroos are boxing your teeth out from your mouth because you decided to hold SHAK one more day, short.

“The Fly” is cruising into National Festival with a 16% return for the year.

VRX is starting to get some day light. Look for Bill Ackman to exact revenge on you motherfuckers next week. I am long PAH, with Bill, praying for his victory.

My CNC position got GRAPED yesterday due to UNH. So they came out after the bell last night and said “yo, dawg, we ain’t UNH. Our bidness is straight booming. We’re selling cocaine out from the cellas. We’re really doing it, live wire, real talk.”

Funny thing about Live-Wire. That was the nick-name of my neighborhood bully. He’d walk around with box cutters, for the purposes of cutting people’s faces for their beepers. He’d like to say “LIVE WIRE THE GREATEST”,  just before slashing your face with his dirty razor. I grew up amongst savage animals, who deserved dying young. Trust me.

It looks like YELP bagholders are expecting a bid this weekend. I am holding a bag or two.

Finally, I added to my fucked FCX position today.

BTW: Exodus fucking nailed it again.

Our 12 mo algos are now running, efficiently, at a 90% win rate.

Out.

This stock is McDonald’s fucked. The brand is on the verge of undergoing a crisis. This will get significant airplay.

Via CDC website:

3 additional states have reported people infected with the outbreak strain of Shiga toxin-producing Escherichia coli O26 (STEC O26) since the last update.
45 people infected with the outbreak strain of STEC O26 have now been reported from a total of 6 states: California (2), Minnesota (2), New York (1), Ohio (1), Oregon (13), and Washington (26).
The epidemiologic evidence available at this time suggests that a common meal item or ingredient served at Chipotle Mexican Grill restaurants in several states is a likely source of this outbreak.
The investigation is still ongoing to determine what specific food is linked to illness.
CDC will advise the public if specific steps are identified that consumers can take to protect themselves.

 

CDC, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration, and public health officials in several states are investigating an outbreak of Shiga toxin-producing Escherichia coli O26 (STEC O26) infections.
As of November 19, 2015, 45 people infected with the outbreak strain of STEC O26 have been reported from 6 states.
16 ill people have been hospitalized. There have been no reports of hemolytic uremic syndrome and no deaths.
The epidemiologic evidence available at this time suggests that a common meal item or ingredient served at Chipotle Mexican Grill restaurants in several states is a likely source of this outbreak.
43 (96%) of 45 ill people interviewed reported eating at a Chipotle Mexican Grill restaurant in the week before their illness started.
The investigation has not identified what specific food is linked to illness.
Chipotle Mexican Grill is assisting public health officials with understanding the distribution of food items served at locations where ill people ate and this work is ongoing.
Investigators are using whole genome sequencing, an advanced laboratory technique, to get more information about the DNA fingerprint of the STEC O26 bacteria causing illness.
To date, 10 STEC O26 isolates from ill people in Washington (9) and Minnesota (1) were found to be highly related genetically to one another.
CDC and state and local public health partners are continuing laboratory surveillance through PulseNet to identify additional ill persons and to interview them.
Consumers should contact a health care provider if they recently became ill with diarrheal symptoms after eating at a Chipotle Mexican Grill restaurant.
CDC will advise the public if specific steps are identified that consumers can take to protect themselves.

 

The stock is cratering, down 39 points or 6%.

Hypothetically, the price of crude stays fucked for the next 5 years. If so, I suspect companies laden with lots of debt will find it increasingly difficult to meet their covenants. I am sure you ponder, clad in your fruit of the loom bikini styled underwears, over there in your housing tenements, who might suffer the pangs of a deflationary death, given the pin action in crude.

Well, I have a list! Unlike Hitler, my list wasn’t made to hurt people, but instead help you avoid potential cataclysm.

(stock, debt burden, debt/eq level)

PBR $132 bill, 4.5x
SDRL $11.9 bill, 3.8x
PAGP $11.27 bill, 4.54x
LINE $10 bill, 13.4x (done)
CRC $6.4 bill, 4.12x
TRGP $6 bill, 2.57x
EPE $4.93 bill, 3.6x
UPL $3.41 bill, 5x

And for stocks that are almost assuredly heading for $00.00, barring a miracle.

PGN $2.61 bill, 144x
SFY $1.18 bill, 66x
ATLS $1.52 bill, 33x
PVA $1.19 bill, 32x
EXXI $4 bill, 27x
SSE $1.59 bill, 24x
NADL $2.67 bill, 17x
ORIG $4.83 bill, 15x
PACD $2.95 bill, 11x

data provided by Exodus

I am sure Nikolai Tesla is rolling over in his grave.

Actually, the recall isn’t that big a deal, but big enough to knock the stock from $222 to $217. How dare they!

Faulty seat-belts and shit, the shit that send your headlong into a wall of glass, crack your spine in half, sever your heads. No biggie.

“Tesla recently found a Model S in Europe with a front seat belt that was not properly connected to the outboard lap pretensioner,” the company said in an e-mail to customers Friday. “This vehicle was not involved in a crash and there were no injuries. However, in the event of a crash, a seat belt in this condition would not provide full protection. First and foremost, we care about your safety.”

I can’t wait for Tim “I’m Still Gay” Cook to come out with the iCar, straight bowling on these assclowns and their fucked up cars.

NOTE: Sorry for the deceptive front page pic. I could not help myself.

I am literally giving you an opportunity to jump above your social class, from the reader, to lauded and read blogger class. For some of you, this is an impossible task, due to a sundry of issues stemming from your inability to string english words together into decipher phrases and sentences. There is, however, opportunity to be had for the remaining well read few, those willing and able to bleed for iBC.

HERETOFORE: I am opening the floodgates of iBankCoin and permitting a select few of you to swim upstream, like a salmon, to the Peanut Gallery, a place destined for greatness.

Since opening the gallery, ideas and energy have been flowing from the bottom part of the site, formally known as its ass. I entreat you to email me at Flybroker @ gmail.com to submit a staked claim on one of the 5 blogs remaining in escrow. Be sure to tell me your Twitter handle; investigators are standing by.

For those who’ve already emailed me, I have seen your emails and have forwarded your staked claims to the claims department where our auditors are investigating your mental state and well being.

In case you’re wondering what I pay bloggers, dear lads, I pay in glory.