I haven’t slept in 36 hours. Christmas exploded throughout my house, decorations everywhere. Yet, I continue to sulk and mope, plot and scheme, during a time when I should be cheerful and optimistic. Why do I do it?
I’m not just managing my own bullshit accounts like the lot of you, see. I have responsibilities to others and have been charged with maintaining and growing the assets of others. Much to my chagrin, none of that has panned out in 2014, quite the opposite actually.
It’s almost common knowledge now that the market is destined to fail. I can walk down the street and ask small school children or crossing guards and they will tell me so. After all, we’ve been given a $500 billion tax cut and that simply won’t stand. All of the oil wells here in the northeast have been shut down and workers laid off. I am told if you fire oil workers before Xmas, as a manager, you get a bonus. Therefore, oil managers everywhere are firing as many oil workers as possible for the holiday season.
I read somewhere that Apple products are being bought like fucking mad inside Russia, like Miami Zombie crazy. Apparently the communist bastards over there fancy our capitalistic electronics as a form of currency, instead of their toilet paper rubles. Think about it. It makes sense.
If Putin says Russia is being targeted by the west and its currency broken on purpose, he would’t be lying. With $400 billion in cash reserves there is little reason to target Russia. There are plenty of others countries, like Australia and Canada, who suck more. Nevertheless, Russia is the enemy, despite the fact that Canada burned down our fucking white house and is filled with loyalists to the British Crown.
Tomorrow we get to hear what Janet Yellen has been up to. I bet she’s been drinking plenty of egg cremes and has been visiting her podiatrist regularly. In light of this human crisis, massive deflation and subsequent panic, I am sure she will suggest that the Federal Reserve intends to HIKE rates and usher in the apocalypse. Then a giant centaur will stomp its way through the NYSE and begin biting off the heads of traders, whilst slapping others with its giant centaur cock.
Merry Christmas.
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Sometimes you leave me speechless
That’s because you have a vocabulary of a third grader.
LOL!! I know I do. But I know my alphabets look at SDRL around 11 bucks
Excellent point about Canada.
Open some Burgundy and enjoy some quiet time with Mrs. Fly. You’ll figure it all out. You always do.
What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?
Claustrophobia!
Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can ‘ho ho ho’!
Why did Santa’s helper see the doctor?
Because he had a low “elf” esteem!
What kind of motorbike does Santa ride?
A Holly Davidson!
What do you call a cat in the desert?
Sandy Claws!
Who delivers presents to cats?
Santa Paws!
FUCK CHRISTMAS AND FUCK OIL
GODDAMMIT
Superb. You’ll never in your life lack for a writing gig. You got a way wit’ words.
Must admit, Christmas is looking more like a Krampus run, than a Santa rally…
Krampuslauf Graz 2010: http://youtu.be/mojrfw7SJ14
If you were nicer to us we wouldn’t have burned down your whitish house.
Cap controls guaranteed.
Could be worse. You could be heavily leveraged short into tomorrow. (looney tunes cackle and theme)
What fool shorts the Fed
(eggnog or vodka tomorrow for me. depending)
Yes, but the question is — do you short AFTER the fed?
Ironically, all the main street people I know are just now wanting to get into stocks, weird.
This is possibly one of your best blogs ever. Thank you Fly
Free markets don’t really exist Chumley. Deflation = less revenue for the Fed. Inflation = more revenue for the Fed. It’s all about the Fed. Sucking the Fed, blowing the Fed, and Goldman Sachs. Besides, how else can this bankrupt country pay off its debt when geriatrics rule and Chinese own?
I recall my Christmas waterloo in December 1994 when I was in a Latin America mutual fund big time and the peso (devaluation) crisis hit.
The US market was acting well but the LA market tanked.
I just turned off my mind, went about my business, and by Feb. I was even in the fund.
Then I got the heck out and went back to day trading the mutual fund game.
That is, until 1999 when I got kicked out of GT Global, Scudder, and Franklin for excessive trading.
Great read by the way. Love your prose. The way that you arrange words is like taking a lesson from Estaban.
In an interesting turn of events, they are saying OIL is now worth less than bacon grease. Can you imagine? LESS THAN BACONED GREASE!
bacon grease yummmm
Time to switch to Morningstar Vegan bacon, I guess.
No baconed grease there.
$AAPL Apple’s buy rating reiterated at Goldman Sachs — $151 PT!! PS its only a matter of time before we Canadians strike again. Our $THI strike teams are already taking over your northern states!
nice job working in the centaur cock.
Hey douche-for-brains! It was the British that burned down your White House (1814). How can you give us credit for such an atrocity when we didn’t become a country until 1867? Quit hating on Canada, we don’t think you guys are that bad.
Regardless of the commie luv for AAPL I recently sashayed ( mucho homo ) over to the snooty mall for an AAPL store visit. WOW is all I can say and I recommend everyone go at least once. It was Disneyland for nerds. A Thursday at Noon and the place was packed. I had to locate a blue shirt and seriously ask if I had to make an appointment to buy something. After enjoying the experience more than I can describe here I paid cash for a MacBook Air ( cash confused the nerd-in-charge ) and swished on out of the mall. ( abundance of homo ) On the way out I passed the MSFT store which was naturally empty except for a couple of employees rocking on their heels by the door….
The White House was in need of renovations, you should thank us.