iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
23,417 Blog Posts

Fortunes Will be Made

Despite having an IQ higher than 99% of the known world, if you pick a stock that trades down over the next month, you will be considered a complete idiot. Moreover, if you just started investing and pick a stock that trades up by 20% over the next month, you are better than Carl Icahn. After all, Carl has been losing some money on HLF these days, no?

Remember last year when Bill “Mars Attacks” Ack Ack Ackman was utterly retarded long JCP and short HLF? Or, how about David Einhorn and his boneheaded short sales in CMG, GMCR and ATHN?

My favorite is that scoundrel, Martha Stewart. Do you recall what she went for jail for?

The conversation went something like this:

Broker: Hello Martha, long time no speak.

Martha: Hurry up, asshole, I have an empire to maintain.

Broker: Anyways, in between doing my TPS reports, ummkayy, I overheard that Imclone was gonna do really bad soon.

Martha: Get to the point. What do you want from me?

Broker: Umm, I think we should sell it.

Martha: Okay, sell it, goodbye.

For that she got a few years in lesbian prison.

You are familiar with the Gilded Age and how money was made back then, right? We all revere men like Jay Gould and Vanderbilt for amassing fortunes. But did you know it was 100% legal to be CEO of a company and short your own stock? People like Gould made millions by simply hurting their own companies and selling short ahead of that hurt. He’d threaten companies relying on his railroad, short their stock, then repair the relations and make money on the upside.

Today, if you are caught buying 10 contracts on a takeover play for a tip you received at a dinner party, you’re going to ass rape prison for 10 years.

Where’s the justice in that, I beg of your pardon?

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20 comments

  1. flyaway17

    First, where is Zombie?
    Tell me Apple is not outrageous.

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  2. juice

    http://theyflyblog.com/2014/11/24/urgent-another-prophecy-fulfilling/

    I’d read this & it will put ‘fortunes’ in its proper perspective as well as a cause for action will be needed to prevent such fortunes from being lost forever

    not kidding

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  3. gunrunner

    Love Office Space

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  4. evilspeculator

    I won’t be debate the justice part of it but heck – it makes it a lot less fun!

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  5. the profit

    This China place seems scared. Will they be able to kick the bucket down the road and usher in an era of great monies? Stay tuned kids.

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  6. pyromonoxide

    yeah, people keep looking for easy touchdowns and not thinking about their game. Total respect for Martha on that whole scene, also, she raises Chows, gangster. I had a chow, he was bad ass and only bit bad people.

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  7. belly of the beast
    belly of the beast

    Kmart as her jalihouse tat :

    http://youtu.be/RwS134enhHM

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  8. traderconfessions

    Think this post was a product of boredom.

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  9. thegametheorist

    Dear Le Fly,

    Do you like LUX into the holidays alongside your retail turkeygeddon?

    I swear everyone has Ray-Bans.

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  10. tradercaddy

    I don’t believe Martha Stewart actually went to jail or was charged with insider trading.
    I believe she got into trouble for lying to the Feds, which of course is something the pols do all of the time (and under oath ) and nothing happens.

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  11. growly

    I believe in the color. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I6p60gHuyu8&spfreload=10

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  12. TheHarper

    “White people call that illegal, black people call that a hook up”

    – Katt Williams, when discussing the Martha Stewart debacle.

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  13. smartestone

    she lied. that’s why she went to jail

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