LONG $SODA

There is nothing better than a large bottle of carbonated sugar popping off into your face, first thing in the morning. It’s invigorating.

When I was a young lad, growing up in Brooklyn, I’d drink soda all day long. I even poured it into my cereal. My grandfather and I “invented” a drink that called for 1/2 milk, 1/2 soda. When mixed with orange soda, it tasted like a cremesicle (sp?). Back in those days, I’d drink large vats of the stuff, from Shasta to Dr. Pepper to Mountain Dew, back to the traditional Coke/Pepsi hegemony. By 2004, my weight reached an all-time high of about 195, up from 155 a few years earlier. I attributed it to fast food and delicious soda pop.

There was never any need to drink water. Water was a tasteless and disgusting beverage, preferably used to drown plants.

However, I didn’t want to become a barrel-ass, so I stopped drinking the acid and lost weight ever since. Right now, I am in the best shape of my life. I can easily break your jaw, if given the chance, with just one punch (I practice this at home…on a dummy).

What is my point?

My point is that we all need some SODA in our lives, just not mines. This country was built on lard and I envision Sodastream adorning the kitchen countertops of millions of homes in the coming years. Both KO and PEP are desperate losers now, a far cry from their glory years of the 1990’s. They will buy growth and do so in dishonorable fashion.

I am long SODA because I am short humanity. I also placed the balance of my cash into ICPT.

As you were.