Get Drunk; Buy Stocks

I am sure many of you are disheveled over the lack of transvestites in today’s St. Paddy’s day festivities. This being one of the most sanctimonious holidays of the year, I feel it’s important to drink excessively and to pair that forced impairment with the direct purchase of stocks. This is the one day of the year when “The Fly” actively encourages and recommends to drink at the desk.

As for me, I did my drinking on Saturday night, so I won’t be doing any of that today. Nevertheless, I will be buying stocks–because that’s what gentlemen do when properly motivated.

I own the very best stocks. I do not own them because they will go up the most or even because they have the most potential. I own them, frankly, because I deem them to be “the best”; therefore, and this goes without saying, you should have a look at them too.

The Russian problem is on pause (extra homo) and the Crimea has been cast aside for something far more important: an opportunity to partake in debauchery. That, my friends, is the American way.

Cheers!