iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
23,443 Blog Posts

ICH BIN ZU GEWINNEN!!!

All day, my gains were so severe, so intense, I decided to walk about the office dressed in German garb, speaking with a very heavy bavarian accent, despite not having any ancestral links to the rhine of anywhere remotely close to Bavaria.

The market slid a bit into there bell. However, my gains in CRTO, SPLK, IFON, BLOX, NUS and EZPW pissed on the faces of those betting against me. I told you cowards “you’d rue the day when you bet against me” and now you know what I meant.

My next play of size is SPLK. Of course I love EZPW for their predatory lending practices, hoodwinking the under-class into hocking their family heirlooms for pennies on the dollar. And of course I love SALE for being the next YELP. But SPLK has the goods.

They are your go-to play for profiting from NSA surveillance on the American people. Scratch that: they are your go to play for NSA surveillance, globally.

Our good friend, GappingandYapping summed up SPLK’s business in a brief, yet eloquent, paragraph, emailed to yours truly:

 

The NSA uses Splunk $SPLK to index all of your data that they collect. Once this data is loaded into Splunk they can search for any term, metadata, date/time contained within this info and use that for correlation. Let’s say you are running for office in the Ukraine (or Amerika) and you post on Twitter that you going to see your sick grandma after work.  Your wife responds to you wishing her well. Those logs from Twitter are immediately loaded into Splunk with IP address (meta data). At the same time your “girlfriend” posts on Twitter that she is going on a date with her “boyfriend” tonight.  You are at her house posting from her IP address as is she.  Immediately the NSA can correlate those IP’s and determine that you are actually at her house and having an affair.  They soon leak this data to certain people and the story gets going and you get fucked.  This is how it works and Splunk is the core to hold all of this data and make it searchable with just a few clicks.  This big datacenter in Utah will use Splunk to index all of the data and at a heavily discounted cost of likely $300 – $1000 per gig that’s a windfall for $SPLK.

So as you can see, this quarter’s earnings for SPLK are immaterial. This is a long term proposition. With the shares trading at a paltry 35x sales, I reckon they are “cheap” in this world we find ourselves trapped inside of, particularly when compared to What’s App. If they continue to grow at 60% per annum, those same shares will be trading much cheaper this time next year. Hence, as long as the NSA is interested in your terroristic activities, I should be long shares of SPLK–and so should you.

 

Gute-Nacht

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mIUY3PO4E0g

 

THE UKRAINE IS WEAK

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fzLtF_PxbYw

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24 comments

  1. gravestonedoji

    I damn near bot some SPLK a week or so ago, during its last quasi pullback, but instead kept my bid lower, refusing to pay up into this obnoxious market.

    And here I sit, having missed the last 5 points from that dip, my bid still open while I sit making squiggly lines on charts eating overripe Braunschweiger whilst hurling my relic Pickelhaube about the room, looking to impale an unsuspecting NSA mole that I am sure is darting between the furniture while I am not looking.

    Signed,

    Herr General Feldmarschall Paul Ludwig Hans Anton von Beneckendorff und von Hindenburg’s Mustache (no omen)

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  2. UncleBuccs

    Sinatra was the wrong choice, Dr. Fly. To be ‘period correct”, you should have went with ‘Der Bingle’…

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  3. The Fly

    Chairman of the board, never waited 10 seconds on a line in his life.

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  4. bradjd

    Polls for 2016 Executive Office are open:

    A) LeFly/V.King
    B) Jesse Ventura/Howard Stearn
    C) Hillary Clinton/Michelle Obama
    D) Jeb Bush/Chris Christie

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  5. sgt hartman

    GapYap has been watching too many movies. The NSA is filled with a Bunch of Bumbling Bureaucratic Boobs that can’t connect two dots one inch apart. ELINT does not work without HUMINT. Tsarnov brothers, Beiriut massacre, shoe bomber, Mohammed Atta etc etc…

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    • The Fly

      Sgt’s comment was sponsored by the NSA

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      • sgt hartman

        On the other hand the NYPD IDCTB is on top of EVERYTHING. Punks can’t spit on the sidewalk without NYPD knowing about it. So New York is safe, Boston is not (see NSA).

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  6. clegger_2000

    Was a monicle part of your garb?

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  7. clegger_2000

    Rammstein; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0NvnWJU5Ak8

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  8. rahagar

    I have a blue eyed goat named Sinatra. He can sing and stock pick too. Smart little caprine.

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  9. CRONKITE

    Sr. Tropicana is always winning.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=br-svZuja84

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  10. lvs666

    Fantastic pick. Watch the LT deferred revenue line and bookings this Q rather than just revs. They are shifting rev rec

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  11. ironbird

    Can not lose the Lucy feeling about every so called asset in this technically perfect dump then pump. Ytd action. Fucking Peanuts was a bullshit cartoon. Never did understand the fascination.

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  12. ironbird

    Do you want to go to church? Grandma has knit us all a sweater and a flaming gay scarf. Will you wear it? Banana peel feel.

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    • ironbird

      EZPW for the wall of worry win. Snatch the jewelry while cookies are baking.

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  13. bob smith

    You remind me of what JFK once said, “Ich bin ein big wiener” (paraphrased).

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