The Retard Economy

Good news everyone: the economy didn’t “retard” in the fourth quarter of 2012, it grew by an astounding 0.4%. Now you know why the market has been ripping higher, as this high octane economy roars on all cylinders. Sporting world class growth, I see no reason why the stock market can’t climb another 40-50%, over the next 3-6 months.

Robots are the leading source of new hires in the economy, as highly efficient androids replace the fat slobs from the midwest and south to create a more efficient and profitable corporate American hegemony. Profits are up more than 3%, on the corporate level, since 2011.

Critics say “corporate America is milking the last bit of milk from the stone, at the same time smashing people’s heads in with the stone.” To those critics, I say: there isn’t any milk inside of stones. Milk comes from the tits of cows and other mammals like them.

The simple fact of the matter is, America is a country filled with “Simple Jacks”, people meandering around town, partaking in debauchery–bungie jumping into cinderblocks. Machines don’t call in sick or have intercourse in the conference room at X-mas parties. As a matter of fact, machines think X-mas parties are the stupidest thing in the whole, wide, world.