iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
23,599 Blog Posts

DARK SKIES OVERHEAD

Berlusconi will get elected and subsequently declare war on Germany, then detonate a nuclear bomb over Berlin. After he is done with Germany, he will unleash the Italian navy to embark on a mission to cripple the US navy, effectively positioning Italy in control of the world.

At the same time, North Korea will shoot 20 nuclear warheads–randomly– towards the Pacific ocean, striking Tokyo and San Francisco, by chance.

As this occurs, the GOP will stand firm in their insistence to balance the budget–allowing the “sequestration” to become a reality–giving way to US castration and economic decapitation.. As a result, 20 million people will become unemployed immediately, thrusting the economy into a pornographic state of rape.

Stocks will trade down, then some more. Miraculously, gold will really become the only currency accepted at Macy’s, JC Penny, and other big department stores–creating billionaires out of thousands of gold bugs straight away.

The UK will see the destruction of Germany and the US navy as a sign from the war Gods and join forces with Italy to invade the sarcastic French and fishy Norwegians.

Iceland will be removed from the map.

The price of oil and truffles will skyrocket, far beyond the means of the average tax paying citizen. Automobiles will become a thing of extraordinary luxury, as most tax payers resort to riding ponies and jackasses (horses will be used for food in the UK). Restaurants will be converted into museums, as the scarcity of food drives the obese to commit heinous acts of cannibalism.

The Chinese will bear witness to the world wide panic and join in by invading the S Koreans, Indians and Vietnamese, just to prove to the world that they can accomplish what America could not.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is it. Enjoy the remainder of your days as free men and women. Very soon, Berlusconi will seize power and put an end to world peace and never ending rounds of quantitative easing.

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62 comments

  1. longview

    Could be worse…could be on a Carnival cruise.

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  2. JTU

    Te markets are over reacting to this Jack Ass!

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  3. noodleboy

    this is truffle season. time for tuxedos for no reason.

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  4. Mike

    So my silver play is on??

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  5. chivo

    you need some valium

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  6. Charles

    Even when Berlusconi is losing, he is winning.

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  7. Mr.Partridge

    I have one word for you : EPV

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  8. Charles

    Berlusconi is actually not anti free QE – he is anti austerity. Which is a good thing – if only the lira still traded. Since Italy is still stuck in the damn EU with those who believe it needs to “austeritize” itself to prosperity that’s the rub. If the U.S. was in the EU it would be hilarious – it would be doing the exact opposite of what they tell all their members to do to fix themselves.

    Berlusconi just wants to join the U.S. and Japan trade… easy printing and the chicks are free.

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  9. Gobama

    Don’t forget that Michelle Obama on the Oscars is the most pressing issue of our time, and ushers in a new era of Marxist Fascist Communist Socialism.

    Also, birth certificate.

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  10. Mr.Partridge

    If we close red I think it would be the first red monday this year

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    • pounce

      Huh?! Today is the sixth Monday (of eight total) in which SPX closed negative.

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  11. Goose

    Ratio for Gold to Van Heusen Dress shirt conversion?

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  12. bigpun2012

    NAMBLA APPROVES OF POSTING

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  13. reader

    Under the Nuclear Non Proliferation Treaty, Italy is not one of the 5 nuclear powers. Nor is Italy known to have successfully tested a nuclear weapon.

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  14. donkey arbitrageur
    donkey arbitrageur

    one of the best posts in a while. thoroughly enjoyed and would recommend.

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    • Ohthe BOMB

      You gotta be fuckin STUPID. We read here to try to get good information about the markets. Not fuckin’ sarvasm.

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      • donkey arbitrageur
        donkey arbitrageur

        you sound like a genius. i surrender.

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      • metalleg

        What’s “sarvasm?”

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        • Ohthe BOMB

          If you don’t know you are as stupid as donkey arbitragur.

          And that’s pretty stupid.

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          • Metalleg

            You do seem very intelligent so most people must seem quite stupid to you. It must be difficult being smarter than everyone else. A frustrating existence I’m sure.

            You have my deepest sympathies.

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  15. Bozo on a bus

    And sheep, a food and clothing source for most of us, will be used for vicarious pleasure in the nether parts of the US.

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  16. JTU

    It should have been a really good day, instead it was mediocre at best!

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  17. ruggyup

    Written in the disobedient prose of a Red Hat inside the Roman Curia.

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  18. bobbin4apples

    $BP is being sued over and over for the next 178 yrs. and then some american company will buy them for less than $1 a share and the Brits will let it happen b/c they will need the money to pay for bread pudding.

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  19. The Eye-Talian Stallion
    The Eye-Talian Stallion

    Heavily margined in:
    AMMO
    MAGS
    AR15

    AMMO has returned up to 300% YTD.

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  20. Zero Dark Kitty

    In a matter of days/weeks the PPT and internal algos will face its biggest test of the year.

    I am totally psyched to see how it responds.

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  21. pgwarner

    I can take all that shit and smile like a good soldier Dr. Fly. All except the truffles. That will hurt. That and any wines from Provence that we might lose.

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  22. Rollo Tomasi

    The Democrats are going to allow “sequestration” and let Americans see how well things run on less spending….NEVER!!

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  23. JTU

    The Market was looking for an excuse to sell off.

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  24. JTU

    I got dick-roped into the Market today.

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  25. Virtue919

    Fly, sometimes you appear to be bi-polar. Something to look into?

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    • Joedafish

      Sometimes? This muthaaphukka is crazy on a good day….and today wasn’t a good day. Still, he is entertaining.

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      • metalleg

        Regular people are bi-polar. The Fly is nothing less than tri-polar.

        Whatever that means.

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  26. eagle

    What happen to Timestamp?

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  27. Mr.Partridge

    wow, very bearish action like that I have not seen in a while

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  28. Clock

    I WANT MY MOMMY!!!
    o(^_^)o

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  29. Whatever!!!

    FLY are you still holding everything?

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  30. theedge111

    Lovin my VXX calls and SPY PUTS today. This is why you buy protection.

    Even my grandpa stocks got hit hard today.

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  31. The Fly

    At dentist. Will post later

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    • Bullish

      I would request additional laughing gas before you get back to your trading station. It should help minimize the pain.

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  32. lol

    Wait, so what is worse
    1)Tax increases limiting consumer available spending cash to boost private economy, and limiting investment capital to boost stock prices and venture capital and to fund private business growth and all things good in the world.

    2)Spending “cuts” in government that prevent government from laundering money into the banks and businesses they like and also paying wages to teachers and other federal employed workers.

    3)End of QE which means the ongoing bank bailout no longer boosts the banks reserve capital and thus they might actually be forced to create their own reserve capital through liquidation.

    4)Skynet, alien invasions, hackers/digital wars, currency wars, and other “black swan events”.

    5) Mayor Bloomberg banning large sugary drinks and other laws by politicians to dictate what the average american can and cannot do.

    The pizza deliverymen will be prohibited by LAW from delivering 2-liter bottles of soda assuming one person will drink the whole thing. As if the average person has no self control or restraint and that we would all suffocate on orange soda if not for Mayor Bloomberg to the rescue.

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    • jball

      … and all this would relate to truffles, how? let’s get with the program!

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  33. TheHarper

    The Republican fetish of balanced budget is absolutely hilarious. They will throw us down to the pits of hell in the name of a philosophy, that really doesnt mean shit.

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  34. CalgaryG

    The restraint shown by a certain Senator of Cement ( full Portland) in not gloating borders on impressive.

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  35. Mrs. Peabody

    Now now my children, don’t despair, dark skies will go away so put on a happy face. These crappy stocks will rise again in this crappy market. Look at that one – UVXY – looks like a rocket took off in the last hour.

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  36. dk

    Karma is a bitch. We sent the cast of Jersey Shore to Italy and insulted the Roman gods of decorum and civility. In return they have reinstated to power a whore monger (no jealousy) and billionaire conniver (no Koch brothers). Italy is soooo much more fun than the USA.

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