iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
23,430 Blog Posts

POOF: All of My Cash is Gone

I have only 3% cash reserves, after buying the following names.

KMB
GIS
PEP
MJN
WM
LNCE

The way I looked at things, I needed to allocate a large sum of capital and fast, thanks to my rapidly depreciating 30% position in YELP. Well, after the recent knife drop, it is markedly less than 30% of holdings. Nevertheless, I chose to get big, boring and moribund, long a variety of high dividend, grandpa stocks–specifically designed to do well during a weak tape.

For growth and gambling, I have YELP, CPST, EXK and WNR–more than enough to keep my blood pressure elevated.

My YELP profits have vaporized into the air. They drifted away with the gale winds to Africa, where they fell silently onto the soft Sahara sands, atop a pile of camel shit– from a camel who was just whipped by a lunatic Moroccan. That’s the market: on top of the world yesterday and a pile of camel dung today.

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60 comments

  1. Dickfer

    In other words, ‘I’m sorry for being such an ass and conceited fool talking trash to those that wouldn’t buy YELP at the highs like I suggested.’

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  2. moolahheaven

    “profits have vaporized into the air, drifting away with the gale winds to Africa, where they will fall silently onto the Sahara sands, atop a pile of camel shit, from a camel who was just whipped by a lunatic Moroccan”

    -Seriously,does anyone write better than this? Who the fuck deserves a Pulitzer more?

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    • jimmy_two_times

      It is clear that Monsewer (sic) is well read. You want to write like this read a book and turn off Dancing with the Stars.

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  3. acehood

    Mrs. Fly: Thought we were house shopping.

    Fly: We are.

    Mrs. Fly: This is a trailer park.

    Fly: I know. I bought $YELP.

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    • The Fly

      Fuck you. I am barely down a point. You fuckers need to start showing reverence, else I will ban you all.

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      • Jakegint

        OTOH, trailer parks are good investments.

        _________

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        • Sierra Water

          Not when they are in Tornado Alley or in the path of Hurricane Katrina. I’ve been almost wiped out several time owning these damn things. The problem lies in the fact that, where there is no Risk, the Cap Rates suck..

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          • Jakegint

            You still have the land, even after a hurricano (sic).

            Just throw more redneck tin cans on there.

            __________

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          • Blind Read Ant

            Tough to evict though. At least in Cali. Arizona takes a door to the ass in ALL evictions.

            Sad.

            Decent AZ dwellers v. CA trash in evictions.

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      • asteroids

        The Fly is a gentleman. Knock it off you assholes.

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  4. ruggyup

    FWIW…………
    Russia’s Gazprom and its partners will try to revitalize plans to develop one of the world’s largest gas finds with the unveiling in June of a new scheme that is likely to see the Arctic giant’s riches shipped abroad as super-cooled liquefied gas.
    Sources in the Russian government, gas industry and the consortium formed to develop the Shtokman field said the partners will likely abandon plans to pipe half the gas to Europe and instead sell LNG to a wider global market in the radical revamp of the project, Reuters reported.

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  5. crazymoppo

    KMB was the first thing I thought of when you said you intended to take your nads off the cutting board. Nice one, they intend to sell lots of diapers to billions of Chinese babies who are trying to make the transition from crapping on the street to crapping their pants. Pure profit!

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  6. Yabollox

    Does this mean the 47.5 y/o age restriction is being elevated?

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  7. EuroDayTrader

    Schadenfreude mofo’s…. tomorrow when you are up they will be licking your ass and cupping your balls fly…

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  8. ruggyup

    LNCE interesting ‘ceptn their products taste like day old whelp yelp left on the lawn in a hot sun.

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  9. GOODGREED

    Good Song

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  10. The Fly

    Nazi fuckers

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  11. 4fl3x

    What the cock is this shit?

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  12. Mike

    aapl…??

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  13. alan

    when do we yelp ship?

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  14. LRz

    I know buy and hold is dead and risky, but are Yelp and Facebook POTENTIALLY GOOG/APPL stocks where some grandpa somewhere can buy his grandson 1,000 shares and put it in a vault and see it up 7-8 times in 5 years?

    That is nowhere my own story, but there are still people with $ to gamble and don’t do day to day management.

    Just wondering what the next take a shot name is out of this bunch.

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  15. @crazyfasteddy

    Fly: why not XLP? (Not advising, just question for my own purposes..)

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  16. dishobgyn

    fly

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    • dishobgyn

      fly
      I have been preaching to buy SQNM for over a year and now it is flying.

      buy some and forget about it.
      will be in 40’s soon.

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      • russian turkey

        There’s no way that’s the symbol you meant to type

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      • Largebill

        $Yelp may have found a bottom at $20.27. I doubled down at $20.40. Still down some, but this mitigates the pain somewhat.

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  17. Trading_Nymph

    I know that Clams around the world can hurt me, but IMHO with the weak Flash PMI’s out of China and Europe..I believe the global PMI data and final PMI data should be weak. Also, Australia will be cutting rates at the first of the month and BoJapan should be adding stimulus on April 27 meeting..neither great normally for the global markets.

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  18. drummerboy

    brian eno,saw him do a show long time ago with some guys he put together on the fly. very intense,and on the metal side.

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  19. razorsedge

    fly u have a poetic way of defining loses.

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  20. razorsedge

    marriage advice: never have sex with your wifes sister without asking, and probly it would be a good idea to ask your wife too…

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  21. OG

    ZNGA and YELP. Poof all my $ is gone…

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  22. noodleboy

    can we all just get excited for oil?

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  23. 4fl3x

    YELP’s monthly chart still looks alright…

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