iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
23,419 Blog Posts

Introducing the BLACKWING 602 PENCIL

Small children like Ticonderoga #2 pencils. The graphite free #2 is used in elementary schools throughout America. It is a softer lead, painted yellow in order to hoodwink kids with lunch pails to buy them, originally purported by 19th century two bit pencil pushers from Austria-Hungary.

Should you ever attempt to stab an enemy with a pathetically soft Ticonderoga #2 pencil, your enemy will laugh at you, then proceed to light you on fire with his portable blowtorch. However, should you attack with a BLACKWING 602, HEAVY GRAPHITE, pencil, he will explode like a fucking vampire.

The Blackwing 602 is a pencil for men, people interested in crafting important documents or blueprints that shape the way society lives. However, if you are a 40 year old man and feel the need to retake your SAT exam, please make sure to bring that #2, as the machines operated by communist government officials would explode should it dare attempt to read the lead from the GRAPHITE HEAVY, BLACKWING 602.

Bottom line: I prefer my pencils like  I enjoy my websites, coffee and smoke: black.

QEF

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38 comments

  1. stinkystank

    someone’s been keeping up with True Blood

    fag

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  2. ecchymosis

    This is the kind of information that cannot be found elsewhere on the internets.

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  3. T-Bird

    Can we please have a Blackwing 602 background for the site?

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  4. TraderCaddy

    The corporate headquarters for Dixon Ticonderoga is literally three minutes from my house.
    Let me know if you want me to go to their parking lot blowing an air horn and squealing my tires until they issue a special iBC Blackwing pencil.

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  5. el chiquito mamut

    Oh, you’re an Artiste?

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  6. mutabaruka

    Am I high or not just brainy enough to understand this post.

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  7. Bulltard

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blackwing_602

    Keep it coming Fly

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  8. chivo

    fucking true blood

    the worst 5 minutes of my life recurs every week, the last 5 minutes of true blood, waiting impatiently for curb

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    • JakeGint

      The quality divergence is stark, isn’t it?

      That fuggin’ True Blood has got to be some of the lowest common denominator shite in the entertainment world.

      _______

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  9. lol

    nice

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  10. xxxHuggieBearxxx

    Nice use of your alter-ego, Les Grossman

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  11. logicalthought

    >>I prefer my pencils like I enjoy my websites, coffee and smoke: black.<<

    Don't forget about your men! (yes homo)

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  12. The Fly

    BANNED, fuckface

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  13. J

    What is going on here?

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  14. drummerboy

    too funny

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  15. J

    ladies please, no squabbling in the war room.

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  16. kinz

    wnr totally abandoned?

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  17. drummerboy

    i have a sash to go glaze and paint and some sammitches to eat. cramer and timmy ruined the day

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  18. Ruben the Cuban

    I would have guessed you prefer your smoke green.

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  19. Kandu

    Can you upgrade this site to be mobile cmpatible or create a new moble site. I run into memory issues when i try to open this on my smart phone

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  20. JakeGint

    “…originally purported (sic) by 19th century two bit pencil pushers from Austria-Hungary.”

    Who, one hopes, soon gained a greater grasp on the King’s English.

    I can see how some might seek to re-take the SAT at 40. Preparation is key.

    _________

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    • The Fly

      lame. It is correct.

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      • JakeGint

        Both your usage and definition are incorrect.

        The transitive case is pretty rare, but it has to married to an anthropogenic (if not actually human) subject in that case. In the way you use it above, it should be married with an infinitive compliment (i.e. “To be”).

        But the word’s actual definition is “falsely claimed” which doesn’t make any sense in the above construction (unless there were something after the missing “to be” construction).

        _________

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        • ecchymosis

          I reiterate my previous comment

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        • The Fly

          Austrian-Hungarian pencil pushers painted their pencils yellow, claiming they were the best pencils in the world, just like your absurd claim. They only did this to match the colors of their flag and attract small brained dogs into buying them.

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          • The Fly

            Having said that, I did leave out that important distinction, which makes you correct about usage, but still woefully wrong about your dog brained #2’s.

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          • JakeGint

            No one wants a $35 pencil, as you would always feel guilty when chewing on it’s end.

            Besides, their blackness disqualifies them as per the famous pencil maxim/couplet:

            If the pencil’s not yellow

            Then you’re no mellow fellow.

            Good day sir!

            _________

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  21. The Plumbers Crack

    I always hold my Blackwing 602 in my crack, never behind the ear.

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  22. Illa Muchortow

    This a informative material. I enjoyed it very much. Illa Muchortow

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