An Interview with a Stock Manipulator

I imagine, this exact  conversation took place during today’s trading.

9am

Underling: Good morning Sir, I’ve made preparations for the safe delivery of poached eggs and toast to come here, within the next 5 minutes.

Boss: I have no time for your poached eggs. I shall be eating shorts this morning.

Underling: Oh, yes of course Sir. Right away with those shorts, right away (making jerky movements with his arms).

Boss: I see LXK, X and several other companies posted bad earnings. And, to top it off, the bloody Euro-fags are making the dollar rise. Get me my stock market laser beam at once!

Underling: (hands the Boss an Acme Stock Market Laser Beam)

11am

Underling: Sir, you have been sitting there with that bloody laser beam for hours, just staring at your screen. I’m afraid you’ve turned into a catatonic manikin of some odd variety.

Boss: Shut up at once, you fool. I am waiting for the precise moment to exact the perfect blow.

Underling: Blow away Sir. Blow away.

1pm

Boss: (PEEEEEWWWWWW, ZIIIING, ZAP!) Take that you ridiculous cocksuckers!

2pm

Underling: Sir, I see you have exacted revenge and restored your honor. Well done, might I add. Shall I fetch you an afternoon cup of tea?

Boss: Yes, I have restored my honour. But I do not require your tea. There is more laser beaming to be had.

Underling: Very well Sir. Laser beam away. Do it well and fast.

3pm

Boss: (PEEEEEWWWWWW, ZIIIING, ZAP!) Take that you fucking cows!

Underling: Oh yes, Sir, an excellent shot indeed. Off with their appalling faces! Shall I make preparations to have your royal blue cape delivered?

Boss: Yes, do so at once.

4pm

Boss: (walking around his office, gallantly, dressed in a royal blue cape) Yes, I shall leave this matter in limbo, until tomorrow. It will befuddle them all.

Underling: A well executed plan, Sir. You showed them very well and good indeed.

Boss: Tomorrow, right away, I shall laser beam all of their faces off at once. It will be magnificent. It will magnanimous. It will be magnetic.

Underling: Right away Sir. Your magnets will stick to their iron heads. Shall I make arrangements for your shuttle?

Boss: To the shuttle we go. I will take up this matter first thing tomorrow morning (grinning all the way to the shuttle).

To be continued.