iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
16,399 Blog Posts

The Important Matter of GHETTO FABULOUS

During the trough of the 2002 market decline, a broker at an old firm (reputable, internationally recognized investment bank) of mine came dressed to work in basketball jerseys and slippers, whenever the fuck he felt like it. No kidding, this fucker was out of control, mainly because his dick swung low, doing massive monthly production, thanks in large part to his short only book and gangster ways.

As every other broker had his balls buckshot monthly, he’d just short 300,000 shares of some stupid internet stock and make 50%. He walked around the firm, as if he owned the place, followed by 10 peasant idiot cold callers, dressed in Chinese delivery man business shirts and money ties. They were the lowest of the low. My cold callers looked like JP Morgan and Gus Levy, compared to these losers.

A friend of mine, who was in the most unfortunate position of supervising him, would get into fierce battles with this man, solely based upon his egregious work attire, which consisted of terry cloth sweat suits, gold chains and Nike high tops. In all hilariousness, the firm was so desperate for production, with investment banking shut the fuck down and most brokers in the soup, they let this maniac run wild throughout the firm, as if it were his personal basketball court.

The prim and proper types looked at him with contempt, even DISDAIN, as he barged through the office with his entourage of goons.

At a time when the firm’s top producers were lucky to break 30k per month, this bastard was bangin’ out $300,000. It got so crazy, he even forced out a broker in the office adjacent to his, in order to make room for more cold callers.

Good times, indeed.

The secret to his success, you ponder?

Often times he’d just yell and shout at his clients, in a very belligerent manner, as if they were adolescents who got caught playing hooky from school. One time he was overheard saying “YOU KNOW WHY I CAN DO THIS? BECAUSE I AM GHETTO FABULOUS, THAT’S WHY!” To everyone’s astonishment, that phone call resulted in a new account.

Obviously, he was a man with great honour [sic] and respect— for the streets. To this day, people who were there are still amazed by how much money he raised, using that sort of tone and unprofessional manner. After all, who the fuck relates to a guy who claims to be “ghetto fabulous”?

My take: it didn’t really matter what he said, since he was right on the markets. He could have went to his clients mansions, dressed in a fucking banana suit, and still raise $10 million dollars, providing he made them coin.

The story of Mr. Ghetto Fab ended badly, as you could imagine. However, before it did, two assistant branch managers resigned, due to Ghetto Fab’s insistence on wearing NY Knicks jerseys and sandals to work— on a Wednesday or Thursday—no matter. When the assistant branch managers asked Mr. Ghetto Fab to dress in a suit with tie, polished shoes, he’d reply: “go fuck yourself. I don’t take orders from you”—naturally.

How did the story end, you ponder?

He was caught smoking a fucking blunt, filled with marijuana, with his staff, in the front of the office building (very prestigious NYC landmark), at around 1pm. When confronted by the CEO, he replied “yeah I did it, now get the fuck out of my office.”

Shortly thereafter, kindly, he was asked to leave.

So goes the story of Mr. Ghetto Fabulous.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=blYBENeikYU 550 400] If you enjoy the content at iBankCoin, please follow us on Twitter

56 comments

  1. rodney

    what the FUCK?

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  2. TheArtist

    Dennis Kneale is still an idiot!..

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  3. ZMoose12

    I love this kinda shit… Definitely a great way to end a weekend =]

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  4. Backroad

    thats whats up

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  5. TraderJoe

    That post kicked ass. Show’s how banking 10k per day pretty much makes one the shit.

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  6. Cuervos Laugh

    You must have a real affinity for this song. It’s at least the second time you’ve linked it.

    I got em looking at the Billboard charts confused

    Holla!

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  7. arnoldsimage

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MzMG3H4EMG0

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  8. homey

    That’s how it works. When you got what they want, you write you own ticket. Ghet Fab just did something they could not ignore, otherwise the CEO would have walked out of there & the guy would still have been working there.

    A friend of mine, 6’4″ stud usually said something stupid every few minutes. Some women thought he was a moron; but there was always a line of hot women for this guy no matter what he said. That’s the way the world works.

    Fly you can only ridicule your customers because you got the goods. It’s more fun this way!

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  9. Anthony Brown

    Is this a story about The Real Fly? Are you Mr. Ghetto Fabulous?

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  10. j

    very prestigious NYC landmark?

    CSFB?
    http://www.epyon-1.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/02/about_img_11madison.jpg

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  11. vijay

    Goddamnit Fly. EVery time I try to hate your bullish ways even more you go and post something heroic like this. FUCK.

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  12. The Fly

    No you idiots. I am not ghetto fab.However, he will be missed.

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  13. handicapablepoliceman
    handicapablepoliceman

    The famous landmark is the paper box out front of the donut shop at the corner of Wall Str. and I’veNeverActuallyBeenToNewYorkAndWouldn’tKnowWhatItIntersectsWith Blvd.

    And Dennis Kneale, remarkably, only makes further egregious gains in SSHHHHEEEEERRRRR IDIOCCCCYYYYYYY even on weekends when the only people listening to him are the guy teabagging him and the guy who just spit in his ham sandwich.

    Startling.

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  14. MOOBER

    Great story.

    Do you stay in contact w/ Mr. Fabulous? What does he do now?

    Also, I think whomever wins the free month in the PPT should receive “The Ghetto Fabulous Scholarship for Excellence in Debauchery” or some such thing.

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  15. nuggetdamus

    that story brought a tear to my eye. real ballers dont need offices neways. i kush out wherever i want. please tell another story next weekend

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  16. JakeGint

    Excellent story. I think I saw that guy at Crazy Eddie’s once.

    Now, Let’s milk us some farmers, eh?

    ___________

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  17. Anton_Cigur

    I shall be turning in early this evening. Thank you for the excellent bedtime story.

    _____________

    BTW, if any of you wankers are boxing fans, “Thrilla in Manilla” on HBO is also an excellent story.

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  18. j

    I managed a fuckhead like that once. They’re an absolute nightmares. They shorten your life.

    In fact I managed two idiots like that at the same time, both traders.

    I recall an episode at one of my favorite restaurants in NYC – Raouls.

    http://raouls.com/

    The tables are close together and you can hear other people’s conversation at other tables. It was early 90’s, the dude had a top year so I was trying to figure out the best way to manage down his expectations in terms of bonus. Perversely the worst time for Wall street managers I think are better years where every fucker wants to be paid billions.

    Anyways we’re sitting down and I mention what i think his bonus ought to be. He goes absolutely bat shit, saying that if we/I even considered paying him $1.5 million as a bonus he would leave. This was early 90’s so it was good money and he was getting close to 15% after “xing” out client spread.

    The tables next to us weren’t wall street types. They stopped their own conversations and listened to a punk telling his boss how he thought a bonus of $1.5 million was an affront and that he would leave if that what was what we were paying him.

    I’ll never forget the looks of horror and disgust, shock and incomprehension form the people at those tables.

    They were listening to a boss grovel to his subordinate about paying him $1.5 million for the year. I think Wall Street’s bad reputation with the outside public started that very night.

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  19. j

    Yea, sorry… great story, Fly.

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  20. E8

    Wage Deflation (Paul Krugman)

    http://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/04/opinion/04krugman.html?_r=1&partner=rss&emc=rss

    “Credit where credit is due: President Obama and his economic advisers seem to have steered the economy away from the abyss. But the risk that America will turn into Japan — that we’ll face years of deflation and stagnation — seems, if anything, to be rising.”

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  21. J

    E8

    Krugman is a fucking idiot:

    But there are enough pay cuts out there that, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, the average cost of employing workers in the private sector rose only two-tenths of a percent in the first quarter of this year — the lowest increase on record.

    He turns an increase into a decrease. He’s a first rate delusional wanker.

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  22. E8

    Funny shit … Danny deleted this post I made earlier at his thread. Guess he is too thin-skinned to take a ribbing.

    Posted around 1:55 am:

    I thought his mother banned him from the computer cuz he lost the title to the BMW shorting stocks ….

    or maybe another rogue wave took him out …. as it will eventually take out 944 per OEW:

    “We marked the SPX 827 low as the end of Intermediate wave A of Major wave B, and are expecting Intermediate wave B to conclude shortly. This should lead to an Intermediate wave C decline, ending Major wave B. After this concludes another Intermediate degree ABC rally should take the market to its eventual end of Primary wave B, between the OEW 1041 and 1107 pivots. The market remains on a short term negative RSI divergence at the SPX 889 high.”

    again …

    “[we] now expect Primary wave B to conclude between OEW pivots SPX 1041 and 1107. This lower level still suggests another 18% (in addition to the 33% rise so far) to the upside from fridays close at SPX 878.”

    The Intermediate Wave C sell off will draw in premature shorts just as the final leg soars past 944 on its’ way to 1050 …. good luck and Happy B-Day!

    … suppose you could have been drunk for a week but your mom would have put you in rehab if that was the case … I’m going with the lost title …. hahaha!

    Off to get some ZZZZ’s …

    J, I agree about Klugman …. just wanted to post the story for others …. Laters!

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  23. j

    thanks E8

    Seriously, he’s good with international trade, but the bearded fool on to domestic economics and the fucker would turn a mild recession into a deep depression.

    I once read the idiot suggesting we should hold up wages in order to maintain aggregate demand at a high level. That’s what those Hoover did in the 30’s and we ended up with a worst depression on record. Wages have to adjust to the underlying economic conditions whether up or down.

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  24. J

    oops…… the bearded fool is useless…..

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  25. j

    First out recession.

    China’s manufacturing activity expanded in April as the government’s stimulus measures took effect, two purchasing managers indexes show, signaling the world’s third-largest economy may be on its way to recovery.

    The CLSA China PMI, issued Monday, rose to 50.1 in April from 44.8 in March, the first time since July it has been above 50.0. A reading above 50.0 indicates expansion, while a reading below signifies a contraction.

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  26. Juice

    😀 😀 😀

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  27. pdf

    mr ghetto fabulous = the fly

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  28. Generational BOTTOM Picker
    Generational BOTTOM Picker

    j Says:
    Wages have to adjust to the underlying economic conditions whether up or down.
    *************************************
    Make sure that includes CEO, executive, pro athlete, lawyer, and banker-broker pay.

    Actually it is easier to just put in my tax plan – 110% tax on all AGI above $250,000.

    And let the fuckers get paid whatever.

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  29. mr. ghetto fabulous = jefferson krull.

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  30. isay

    And now for something completely different.
    All Frankin in conjunction with the Specter flop will be giving the senate Dems the keys to the country.
    http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/us_and_americas/article6211481.ece

    It is relevant

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  31. TraderCaddy

    Big gold jump at the open.
    Reason?

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  32. mrkcbill

    White Robe and Sandals? Glorious

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  33. TraderCaddy

    Done for the AM.
    Thanks PAAS,GDX.

    GS,MSFT down- beware of a sudden downdraft soon.

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  34. gappingandyapping
    gappingandyapping

    DRYS (74.23% gain on it) and DXO rocketing for me. UNG hitting 14.

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  35. TheArtist

    speaking of reason TC,
    why are the home builders up so high? I mean DHI as well as all others in parallel are up 400% DHI up from a low of 3.79 now to 12.70

    And I don’t see any change in my area of building at all. In fact things here in NC are pretty much at a stand still.

    So lots of falseisms going on here from what I see.

    I’m just sticking to Commodities right now. I jumped back in AA @ 10.05 and am looking at CAT and still in MOS.

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  36. TraderCaddy

    gapping- Makes me wonder sometimes why I don’t hold a stock longer than 5-15 minutes.
    And then I remember what happens to me when I do (not pretty).
    It isn’t for me although my IRA trades last months.

    Artist- I assume it is low mortgage rates, defaults have stopped going down at the same rate, and a 1% GDP in the 4th quarter.
    I actually intended to start scaling out of ITB and DHI in my IRA over the next couple of weeks.
    No reason but I am up an obscene amount and it can’t continue.

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  37. Cash-N-Guns

    Ladies….XTXI as highlighted last week..broke out..now entering potential SPIKE mode….

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  38. TheArtist

    speaking of sandals, CROX on fire now.

    TC, not giving anyone trading advice, but commodities have been working here lately and seem to be steady for a longer term once they are hot, right now they are hot, so for slow non crazy trades, you might want to look into them. I’ve ridden AA from 5.38 to 9.42 and have jumped back in today and really like the plays right now.

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  39. Henry Fool

    15000 more CROX the squeeze is on

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  40. Henry Fool

    Isn’t the the inflection point where the CROX shorts well….. COVER!

    Earnings on Thursday tick tock tick tock.

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  41. Henry Fool

    Isn’t the this inflection point where the CROX shorts well….. COVER!

    Earnings on Thursday tick tock tick tock.

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  42. Green Laser

    Looks like MVIS has finally sewn up the green laser with Corning.

    This is the news I was waiting for. Good entry with less risk.

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  43. jingle

    CA and Ragin’s CPE on fire. GMO making some moves. something I have not seen mentioned here yet.. PHO. the water ETF (I am long for a month or so) I think water will be an issue this summer, etc. PLease take a look at PHO

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  44. GARR

    Ghetto Fab = Madoff. My take on the moral is no matter how big time you THINK you are, they can always pull the rug out from under you. Thanks for the story Fly.

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  45. Cash-N-Guns

    EDGR about to take off…Buying – Also TYP- 3x short tech bear…buying anticipating a mkt selloff shortly. Shit dont go up forever..and skanks on CNBC are almost pissing on themselves..

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  46. mike

    Kudlow belongs on FOX. His bullish views don’t make sense. Addictive personalities don’t change character; just addictions. Granted he has enthusiasm and personality. Too bad he switched to evangelism from coke & booze.

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  47. gappingandyapping
    gappingandyapping

    Fly serious question for you, what are your thoughts on ALU at this point?

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  48. shaun

    guys keep on eye on SUF now..just broke that $1 mark with good volume…also xing and cntf startign to participate in the china rally

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  49. Isay

    Gappin
    Fly posted yesterday about raising cash to reduce risk, but you surely saw that.
    I know what you mean, shit is trending gloriously on the 50 ma
    I sold wfr & brcd hour back

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  50. the real shaun
    the real shaun

    freakin hilarious story fly, and thanks “J” for your tales, nice to break up this blender of a market with some good stories, cheers guys

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  51. junktrader33

    Fly, do you know if Ghetto Fab found another job after getting the boot? Would imagine he could have jumped to another bank with his production numbers?

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  52. Kmqxgbxy

    xgBwct

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  53. RaginCajun

    This post never gets old.

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