iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
19,759 Blog Posts

Your Hedge Fund is Being Redeemed

Above is the state of the Hedge Fund industry, as evidenced by the Global Hedge Fund Index. I have never seen or heard of so many funds getting “ape raped” by the markets, than right now.

Every manager got caught heavily long commodities and global growth plays. From Agrium Inc. (USA) [[AGU]] to Olympic Steel, Inc. [[ZEUS]] , hedge funds are fucked and many of them are going out. At the end of the day, many of you will be shocked to see how many funds close. Even popular CNBC guest hosts (Einhorn), who accurately nailed the credit crisis, are down double digits. If you are managing a fund that is deep in the hole, you are done.

Most will close.

Many people are banking on a 4th quarter rally to help save the industry. However, it’s just going to blow up more people, as everyone tries to catch the “hot trade.” The volatility is killing people; and it will continue.

As for the markets:

I am selling most of my longs here. I am more comfortable with [[SRS]] and [[EEV]] , than [[ROM]] and other bullshit longs. The stock Gods bailed “The Fly” out today, via Wachovia Corporation [[WB]] magic. I am grateful for such gifts of coin and will celebrate my “non-win” over a few 2 1/2 inch rib eyes. And, I will drink a nice bottle of Bordeaux.

It’s too late for a bailout. The banks are circling the toilet bowl. Proceed with caution.

Top pick: SRS

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39 comments

  1. ClusterHedgie

    “Down single digits is the new up”

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  2. Todd Harrison

    11:41:32 AM

    No positions in stocks mentioned.

    * My gut on this nasty Wells (WFC)-Wachovia (WB)-Citi (C) love triangle? While I think Wells Fargo should win control of Wachovia (it’s a much better fit and they should be rewarded for running a strong franchise during a crisis), my unfortunate sense is that Citi will get it.

    * Conventional wisdom is that we’ll see a sharp rally if the bailout is passed and sell off hard if it’s denied. Remember, Minyans, the greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist.

    * Bloomberg reports that the average hedge fund return for the month of September was -8.6%.

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  3. Joe 6 Pack

    No worries, me and mah cousins will hold this market up.

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  4. Wells Fuckgo

    Fly, what do you think of WB right now? are you taking your damn profits out? cause u know what, i bet the stock will sink in no time cause vikram pandit will kick bob steel ass right into his shit hole

    What’s the address to see the perfomance of hedge fund?

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  5. Donny

    I have one small long position in SSO. I think I will sell it before the bill passes.

    I do not feel comfortable holding anything. This fucking market could go either direction, and cap your ass.

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  6. TraderCaddy

    No problem. The managers will move on and open a new Hedge fund. Even the morons at Long Term Capital with their fancy Nobel Prize in Economics moved on and opened new funds.

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  7. j

    interesting so they’re basically long finds, hey?

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  8. Anton Cigur

    My fund was only down 7% last month, so hey, I win!

    Fuck.

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  9. Whitney Tilson

    I was short at T-2 partners FNM, FRE, and LEH among other BS banks… And long FFH to get exposure to the credit swaps.
    Short the following:
    Financial, consumer, technology, and real estate.

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  10. Juice

    Don’t be surprised if the vote is put off till after the close or Monday to get the maximum amount of puts bought to screw bears royally and get some extra juice to the upside.

    Donny is right. Could be fireworks in either direction.

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  11. kd

    Pelosi better keep her trap shut

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  12. Nancy Pelosi

    You are all my little bitches 🙂

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  13. Mr. Troll

    Pelosi is the best thing that has happened to this country since….

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  14. What if?

    What if the U.S. market will be perceived (post bailout bill passing) to be the least suckiest place to park money?

    Flow of funds into US market could be a game changer despite soft economy.

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  15. Nancy Pelosi

    Did you all see the provision I added in the proposal?

    I believe it will have a great effect on America.

    It’s the part that says anybody caught cornholing within san fran city limits gets a tax break.

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  16. Market Fool

    STFU already Nancy!

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  17. Nancy Pelosi Wishes She Had A Penis
    Nancy Pelosi Wishes She Had A Penis

    The party is over! Short FO.

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  18. Anton Cigur

    I am a Democrat, and I say with all sincerity, SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU FUCKING THIRD RATE HACK POLITICIAN.

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  19. chivasontherocks
    chivasontherocks

    http://www.rallymonkey.com/video/kenindex.swf

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  20. Market Fool

    Traders on the floor look nervous

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  21. Paradigm Shift

    High-Five to Chivas

    That shit cracks me up.

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  22. These Colors Don't Run
    These Colors Don't Run

    Anyone caught short is going to be scrambling to cover once this passes.

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  23. death

    ready for me? You ain’t got no bullets to stop me.

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  24. Anton Cigur

    Chivas,
    What’s your cost basis on xhb again?

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  25. death

    bills gonna pass

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  26. Arnold Shwarzenegger
    Arnold Shwarzenegger

    Help a brother out, man.

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  27. G Bush

    I hope this bailouts my administration’s image.

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  28. anjing bau

    202 for 118 against..done deal its going to pass

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  29. Barney Frank Enema
    Barney Frank Enema

    Here I come!

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  30. sniper6

    so why the gap down?

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  31. These Colors Don't Run
    These Colors Don't Run

    Gap down because some traders are selling the news. Buying intensity will strengthen into the close.

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  32. Karl Marx

    Why the gap down?

    Because you Americans haven’t used enough lube!

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  33. Colon Blow

    On my signal…UNLEASH HELL!

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  34. Scully

    GASBAG losing his meatballs.

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  35. I have an idea…how bout another 700 billion just in case…

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  36. Awake

    First time I’ve ever agreed with Gasparino. He has it right, look up the Community Reinvestment Act and all the bullshit shenanigans the Democrats forced on this country in the name of increasing minority homeownership.

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  37. recusancy

    Those darn minority’s messing up the economy!

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  38. Scully

    Awake:

    GASBAG if off his meatball. They yanked him.

    CRA is a dumb law, but not nearly dumb enough to have caused the current mess.

    There is NOTHING in the CRA that says that you _had_ _to_ lend to anyone who has no income, or who has no assets, or who cant prove their income.

    Quite the contrary. You _had__to_ make those loans only because those are the loans which generated the obscene margins and commissions for the bankers and brokers.

    Show me where the CRA states that lenders could not practice underwriting.

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