My kitchen appliances cost more than your fucking car.
Developing…
UPDATE: Coming soon…. iBankCoin the Movie.
[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gO7f1z5P0xg 450 300] If you enjoy the content at iBankCoin, please follow us on Twitter
Joined Nov 10, 2007
23,426 Blog Posts
I actually just bought a newer car but I got more important things to discuss than bullshit cars and appliances from foreclosed on McMansions. I noticed that Adam has a nice collage of pics of the hotness that is Melissa. Anyway in response to that I figured I would provide the link to the topless pics of her. She is hot, CNBC needs to replace that fat ass heffer Diarrhea Bartiromo with her.
Anywhere here you go: http://pop.wizbangblog.com/2006/03/13/french-news-babe-melissa-theuriau-surrenders-her-clothes.php
What happened Fly? Another “plumbing” incident? Was it your kitchen this time?
lol at time machine picture.
I want two of those time machines.
My “high end” date costs more than your washer/dryer combo, Fly. Plus, my so-called “hourly companion” washes, dries, AND folds my clothes. Unlike your Kenmore.
I’d rather be found dead in some filthy alley way, with a heroin needle in my arm, then have a fucking Kenmore in my house.
Jim Cramer loves Kenmore.
Not a big SHLD fan, I guess?
My kitchen appliances all have itty bitty little clocks in ’em.
Digital like.
And you know what?
Those clocks are not set on Mountain Time.
Mountain goat fucker.
How did you know I own a separate vehicle primarily for the purpose of sexual intercourse?
my car is worthless, congratulations
Hmmm’s quip brings to mind the old saw about drinking American beer and it being like “making love in a canoe.”
Because it’s “Fucking close to water, mate!
Adam did the world a great service bringing Melissa into my life, but ANY MAN WITH INTERNET ACCESS AND A COMPUTER has seen her tits.
You telling me you’ve been reading Adam, all this time, and you haven’t taken the time to search for melissa yourself?
Shameful.
Not that that is what I am suggesting, but this gunners collage, her tits, they are all nice finds don’t get me wrong, but old news. I seen that shit months ago.
I like the iBC vehicle. Fly’s first sexual experience was in the back of an old school pre-iBC 1985 Honda.
Some men have seen her tits without using a computer… just sayin’.
(If someone reading this was contemplating suicide and that piece of news went in the “pro” column, I sincerely apologize).
So Fly, do you have any “funny April Fools pranks” planned for the readers of this “emerging provider of financial content with a distinctive voice”? I can think of some good ones but they either involve massive copyright infringement or risk SEC investigations.
UBS Sees Q1 Net Loss of $12 Billion
Swiss Bank UBS AG Sees Net Loss of $12 Billion in 1st Quarter, Writedowns of $19 Billion. Its chairman Marcel Ospel will step down, to be succeeded by Peter Kurer.
Holy fuck. That UBS news just caught my attention.
If the Swiss are screwed, trust me, so are we.
ZURICH, Switzerland (AP) — Swiss bank UBS AG said Tuesday it expected to post first quarter net losses of 12 billion Swiss francs (US$12.1 billion; euro7.65 billion) and would seek 15 billion Swiss francs (US$15.1 billion; euro9.55 billion) in new capital.
Switzerland’s largest bank, which has been hard hit by the U.S. subprime mortgage crisis, also said it sees losses and writedowns of approximately US$19 billion (euro12 billion) on U.S. real estate and related credit positions.
Chairman Marcel Ospel will not seek re-election at the April 23 annual general assembly of shareholders and will be succeeded by Peter Kurer, who is currently general counsel, the bank said in a statement.
The bank said its move to raise capital through a rights issue would be fully underwritten by four leading international banks and would enable it to remain “one of the world’s strongest and best capitalized banks.”
“In the first quarter, UBS substantially reduced its real estate related positions through both valuation adjustments and significant disposals,” the bank said.
It said it would create a new unit to “hold certain currently illiquid U.S. real estate assets.”
“UBS is confident that these measures will deal effectively with the firm’s real estate exposures and allow the bank to focus on strengthening its core operations,” the statement said.
Chief Executive Marcel Rohner said, “We believe this capital increase and the creation of a vehicle to separate problem assets from the remainder of our businesses will allow us to return to sustainable value creation over time.”
He said profits from most of the bank’s businesses “remained acceptable in challenging conditions” during the first quarter.
“We have made further prompt writedowns and sales of our impaired U.S. real estate-related positions,” Rohner said. “We have reduced risk weighted assets and implemented measures to control costs and strengthen the structure of the firm.”
However, he said, UBS wants to avoid selling at “severely distressed levels.”
“With these measures we have created the basis to weather one of the most difficult periods in the history of the industry,” Rohner said.
Earlier this year UBS posted a 12.45 billion franc loss for the fourth quarter of 2007 after writing down 15.6 billion francs in bad investments from US subprime mortgages and said it expected 2008 to be another difficult year.
The bank also had posted a net loss of 4.38 billion francs for the full year, its first annual closing in the red.
And… the Hang Seng is now in the red. Most excellent.
UPDATE: iBC the Movie.
See above.
And the Germans are screwed too – Deutsche Bank Sees EU2.5 Billion in First-Quarter Writedowns
Not the US, we’re in the green.
Another round of “the bottom is in” bullshit.
Damn… $19 billion seems like a lot. Apparently, not enough to shake the futures, which are bid up again.
-DT
The problems are contained .
to planet earth .
we are pretty sure …
but let me get back to you on that
SKF gaps down $6
What kind of joke is this.
why in the fuck are all these pieces of shit up in the PM?
is it the axiom: “the street hates nothing more than uncertainty” ?
so, i guess all these geniuses think UBS, LEH etc are worth more now because they no longer just ~suspect~ they are fucked, now they KNOW they are fucked.
Guess Cramer can say he got LEH right for the morning atleast. Fly would you still short more after the offering?
The San Diego Chicken on CNBC… oh, April Fools… f’ing hilarious… I get it… I get jokes… I can’t wait for Gallager and Sinbad in the 9am hour.
I’m gonna wait a day or two to short LEH.
The BOTTOM IS IN !!!!! WE FINISH THE YEAR AT DOW 25,000.
YEAHHHHHH
short LEH this a.m. – are you nuts? Look at the reaction to UBS, DB, LEH. Shorts are in for another round of “the bottom is in, the worst is over” sentiment. Could last for days. The play in LEH is to see how much of the new 40M shares short can get squeezed out fast here near “the bottom”
You’ll get a chance to short LEH well above 45
http://www.marketwatch.com/news/story/those-curiously-strong-transports/story.aspx?guid=%7B7AACDEF9%2DCBA6%2D4D7E%2DA79C%2D83F04669762F%7D
Hey Fly,
I know you don’t follow MVIS that closely but do still check in once in a while? Did you hear anything new? Are things on track? New customers? Any update will be helpful.
Thanks.
Kenmore is the highest ranked appliance manufacturer according to Consumer Reports. My Kenmore Fridge/Freezer is fantastic.
Kd:
Stop averaging down on MVIS.
Sincerely,
The Tokmeister
KD- Take ur fucking losses like a man and close the position now please.
The Cramer bottom has replaced the Woodshedder bottom.
It’s 6:45a.m. here and I just read this thread. Two questions:
1. What the hell is the matter with Kenmore?
2. Do you people never sleep?!
How does that auld naval ditty go?
Gaps up in morning in “Bear,”
Traders take care!
After hours trading afright
Traders take flight!
ChivasRox,
Did you attend to my Peeg posting on the Tranny fibs?
Keep an eye on that chart… it’s got a ways to go to bust 4900.
Methinks Monsieur Hulbert has caught a bit of the “Crameritis.”
It’s going around.
Time stamps on eastern.
Can set your watch by it. Nice!
For everyone who mocked me when I said the big banks were “the buy of a lifetime”, just know this:
I spit on you.
Fly, about 2 weeks ago you said FXP could go to 85. Probably as you exited the time machine.
dear jake,
remember i said we might be seeing a reverse h&s, still think that might be case. jake, i could be very wrong, but i think the bells don’t get any louder.
Chiv– yes, the “all clear” bell has been sounded. People can come out of their bomb shelters for a little sun, maybe stretch their legs.
But be quick about it.
“Zeros” on the horizon, with all the ironic implications and puns included.
Jake,
i’m curious, would you be less bearish if the trannies take out the 61.8 level?
Did you guys read Barry yet? Says that the market pop is all due to an April Fools joke by Kass.
Chivas,
Yes, I would be a lot less bearish if that happened.
As I mentioned earlier, I’m not very confident in any “Head and Shoulders” pattern, as they are not extremely reliable, even in the “regular” formation. The “reverse” even less so. I’d like to see a better base built in a stock than these rather quick attempts at breaking resistance.
All that said, if we pass 4932 here, I’ll have to sit up and take notice.
Jake,
fair enough.
“Canary of the Coal Mines,” JOYG going to at least $62 here, and if it breaks $61, it’ll be pennies from heaven.
“Pennies” stamped from 24k gold, that is.
Er…
More like “doubloons,” actually.
this rally is making my head hurt
What time zone am I in?
TC —
The godly folk at iBC finally took note of the wails of anguish from those of us on EDT, and fixed the clocks at long last.
Either that or they didn’t take to being called “mountain goat fuckers,” too well.
We report, you decide.
Anyone going long FXP here, mid 80s?
Long FXP @….Do they have April Fools in China?
Just waiting for someone to yell ‘April Fool’ at 3:30pm and watch the market drop 300 points.
I’m going long FXP here, and Skiffles at $103 if I can get it.
Fool’s Rally,
Yes, but it’s called “Aplir Foors!”
Short STP is tempting me.
MVIS NEWS:
http://tech.slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=08/04/01/1342225&from=rss
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/03/30/business/30novelties.html?_r=3&ex=1364788800&en=93ccf5ccd46fa67d&ei=5088&partner=rssnyt&emc=rss&oref=slogin&oref=slogin&oref=slogin
“A tiny portable projector, about the size of a pack of cards, may soon replace a ring tone as the most annoying thing on the train or bus”
hahaha
Long 500 FXP 86.9
Good lord…first trade since my ass pounding with BOOM. You’d think I never traded before. I feel like newbie.
I guess the fear is my friend.
Remember laser pointers in movie theaters (ala Sienfeld/George)? The next thing will be projecting crap on the theater screens. Think of the possibilities.
this market is a good april fools joke today MER up 7.5%!
lol what a joke
Fly,
You don’t talk too much about your eating habits anymore. I mean, you used to eat oatmeal when you wanted the market to rally, I think it’s time you come up with something to eat when you want the market to puke itself.
Just trying to help you out, as always.
-DT
Boom,
That song sucked, but I thought the video was very clever. I can’t imagine how hard it was to shoot that thing.