18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
22,167 Blog Posts

Bearshitters Routed in Early Trade

If you’re heavily short the market, don’t comment on this thread. Don’t do it to yourself.

Instead of reupping your bullshit QID positions, go walk your dog or play with electricity, via sticking a butter knife in your local socket.

While it’s true, I feel somewhat fucktarded being long FXP in this “reverse shit storm;” I still hold my core positions.

For the most part, the only real selling I did was dumping most of my beleaguered XFML position— and a little BWLD. With the proceeds, I have been nibbling at VMW.

The way I figure, when markets correct, it makes sense to dump your shitbag stocks for distressed quality names, like VMW, HANS or FMCN.

Now, I will sit back and watch my bearish friends melt like cheap K-mart candles, while I sloppily guzzling Monster Energy Soda.

I will not sell my FXP position.

Also, the price of oil is not sustainable, at these levels. If I had bigger balls, I’d go long DCR, which is an inverse play on the price of crude.

Finally, if you’re long: enjoy today’s run. If you’re short: fuck you, you’re dead.

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Fly Buy: VMW

I bought 1,000 VMW @ $81.49.

Disclaimer: If you buy VMW because of this post,the Knicks will never win 40 games again. And, you may lose money.

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Markets Poised to Set Bears Aflame

Europe is up 1.5% across the board. I expect Santa Claus will drop a few nu-ku-lar bombs out his sled today, mainly on the bearshitters.

For the most part, “The Fly” has been very busy “getting organized,” trying to figure this asshattery (market) out.

It’s been “mental hospital tough,” being an investor in this market. Therefore, I will make sure my next move is done with precision, as opposed to sloppy buys or sells based upon the symmetry of lines and dots—all derived from a fucking ruler (technical analysis).

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Good Shoes

Finally, on the back of a good shoe dropping, the market rallied hard, led by retail and financials.

Actually, everything ripped higher, much to the chagrin of my fledging FXP position.

Oil is fucked.

Who cares?

My big winners were VMW, GRMN, OEH and GILD.

As you know, I did not sell or buy anything today. I was too busy painting my office walls with split pea soup.

Finally, it’s worth noting, “The Fly” is somewhat indifferent to the market and might transform this retarded blog into a live cooking show.

Double finally, CN looks like a fair bet, based upon early “crystal ball readings.”

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I Spit on Equities

If “The Fly” was “big middle east money,” he’d do a hostile takeover on BSC, CFC, MER, MS, LEH and WM, then proceed to fire everyone, in order to make room for oil barrel storage.

Sure, I’m making back some money today, as “big middle east money” saves the day.

Oh the irony.

Thus far, I haven’t done anything but talk on the phone, while crunching on pickles.

Should the market rally again, tomorrow, I will probably sell some more.

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Loser Rally

This is a suckers rally—and you know it.

A friend of mine just called and bitched about being down today, despite being 100% long.

This rally has the look and feel of a loser.

With my time, I’d rather cook up some “Asshat Stew,” than fuck around— trying to catch a bottom.

FXP seems viable here.

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Asshat Stew

This asshat stew is simmered with asshat cubes, bagels, oatmeal, and a few whole cloves.


  • 2 pounds asshat
  • 2 tablespoons oil
  • 4 medium sword steaks, cut in 1-inch slices
  • 4 medium onions, cut in chunks
  • 4 medium bagels, cut in 1-inch cubes
  • 1 can condensed fucktard
  • 2 cups boiling whiskey
  • 3/4 teaspoon corn sauce
  • 1/2 teaspoon salt
  • dash pepper
  • 4 whole cloves
  • 3 tablespoons Monster Energy Soda
  • 3 tablespoons cold water


Cut asshat into cubes; brown in heavy skillet in hot oil. Add bagels, onions, oatmeal, fucktard broth, boiling whiskey, corn sauce, salt, and pepper. Tie cloves in a small cheesecloth bag and add to stew.

Cover and simmer stew for 1 1/2 hours. Drain off liquid into large oatmeal bowl. Mix Monster Energy Soda with the cold water until smooth; blend into the hot liquid in saucepan. Cook, stirring constantly, until thickened. Add thickened fucktard  broth to the asshat and bagel mixture. Remove cloves.
Asshat stew serves 4.


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Busy Rolling Rubber Tires Down Hills

Oh, is the market up today?

I didn’t notice, since “The Fly” has taken a new job at his local gasoline station.

However, I will say, yesterday’s panic sales are not coming back to bite me, yet.

XFML is hardly up and the other non-descript names aren’t budging.

On the other hand, my longs are ripping higher, led by “alphabet waste,”  VMW.

Believe me, I am tempted to buy stock, right now. However, I have instructed my trader/servant to throw lunch meat at me, should I get the urge to actually put money to work in this death trap.

Should we go higher, I’ll recoup losses and proceed to roll rubber tires down steep hills.

In short, I’m not selling or buying here.


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