iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
22,430 Blog Posts

What’s Working Here

The market doesn’t deserve my money.

If you are one of the lucky ones (in cash), you’re better off getting “liquored up” in Vegas, playing the tables, than buying/selling stocks.

For those of you who are short: good job, may you fall into an idle manhole shortly.

Right now, I’m running some screens to identify where the money is going. Money managers are getting tossed around these days— and need safe havens.

Here is a short list of stocks that have been working:

ARD, BUCY, ENS, BOOM, MLNM, DE, DM, IVGN, FOSL, VRSN, RIG, TDG, GSF, CEL, PPDI, LAYN, HL, OSIP, RSTI, PBG, MIDD, WEC, GR, JNJ, CHD, CVD, CEG, D, CCI, DRS, AYE, MRK and THI.

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Queersickle

We had a great start to the holiday shopping season. Santa Claus is on the way. Stocks are cheap.

No one cares.

Instead, like jackasses, everyone is mesmerized with the subprime movie, starring C, WM, CFC and a host of others, while eating popcorn—wearing bullshit 3-d glasses.

I must be in some sort investor purgatory, where everything seems rather lukewarm—but gay.

Why not give in already and go short?

Answer: because everyone else is already doing that.

For the most part, I’ve made my living, rather successfully, betting against people like you. Quite honestly, as opposed to not-so-quite lying, I do not like being on the receiving end of the shit stick.

As for today’s trading:

VMW is getting the “homo-hammer of death.” Fuck the news: the stock is a complete waste of alphabet. To hell with EMC and the retards who invented VMW.

Utilities look great. Wow, big deal.

Let me run through some of my positions here:

XFML: Mercy bounce.

GRMN: I got one right!

FMCN: 15 more points would be nice.

GME: Not too bad.

HANS: Bucket shop cheap here.

AAPL, & RIMM: Separated at birth, now are the only stocks people buy.

BBY: Very good, considering.

LZ: 5 more points please.

KTEC: Sleeper stock.

GLF: 6 more points please.

GMXR: Worst energy stock “on the globe.”

FXI: Go ahead, bet against China, see where it gets you.

FXP: I bet against China, look where it got me.

LFT: I knew “Longtop Financial” was an ominous name. Fuckers.

JCG: The best of the worst.

RS: Shitsickle.

GD: Rock solid.

BWLD: Nightmare on fat fuck street.

CN: Insane trading stock, traded by mental patients.

GILD: I should have just kept buying this one.

MVIS: Queersickle.

VMI: The farmer is milking me.

AEO: Nonsensical.

CORS: My worst investment, ever.

In short, I’d rather play with fine silverware, in a random NYC subway track, than watch my screen.

Off I go.

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The Credit Card Guillotine Decouples Bears in Asia

Well, you bearshitters can moan and groan all you want; but the credit card guillotine is about to cut your fucking head off.

On the back of better-than-expected holiday sales, so far, Asian markets are sprinting at the open, with Seoul leading the pack, +2.6%.

My sense, barring another “shoe dropping,” U.S. markets will also decouple the heads of short sellers, in early trading, despite the subprime fodder.

Look for retail stocks to lead the way, with squeezes in M, KSS, JCP, AMZN, JCG, AEO, RL and GES.

UPDATE: Seoul now up 4.65%. Fuck you shorts, you’re dead.

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You’re Not a (Expletive Deleted) Genius

Danny nailed the “back of the dirty envelope” economist, nicely.

All of a sudden, everyone is a fucking macro-economist, with extensive field work in the fucktarded art of shorting stocks.

If 99% of the weak kneed investor class is bearish, I think it makes sense to take the other side of that trade, no?

I mean, some of you come here declaring “the next Great Depression is here.” Then, you proceed to explain how “cool” and “savory” you are for buying puts or “loading up short BIDU.”

Mark my words, the wheels of your shitmobile will get knocked off, shortly.

I’m not as old as some of you kidney stone recipients. But, I can attest to this market environment being “reverse 1999,” where all of a sudden everyone is a short selling machine.

You’ve got inverse ETF’s, OEX puts and “technical breakdowns” setting up to make you “Santa Claus money,” right?

Moreover, everyone on the street knows CFC, WM and BSC are going bankrupt—as if it already happened.

Amazing shit.

After all, the banks are a mess. The homies are dead. And the consumer is buried.

Right?

Until you read something like this, you thought you had it all figured out, didn’t you?

Prepare for swift decapitation, via credit card guillotine— fuckface.

“The Fly” shall relish your pending doom, as if it were some sort of real doom that was worth “relishing.”

Viz.

UPDATE: Internet sales up 22% from last year. Again, bearshitters, prepare for the “credit card figure four leg lock.”

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Fly Buy’s: FXP, AEO

I bought 2,000 FXP @ $85.75 and 2,000 AEO @ $21.99.

Disclaimer: If you buy the above stocks because of this post, Santa Claus will break your jaw for Christmas. And, you may lose money.

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Bulls “Pancake” Bears Post Turkey

Unfortunately, due to Mrs. Fly, “The Fly” was busy shopping for overpriced, yet discounted, Japanese electronics—instead of trading and blogging with you retards.

Taking a look at today’s rally gives me relief.

All day, financials, homies, retail and drug stocks led the market higher, with big dicked gains in WF, ETFC, FNM, CORS, FIF, SPF, BZH, CC, BONT, CACH, AZN, NVS, BVX and SNY.

In short, I’d like to see people go out and “spend it all,” in order to burn the bears down to a crispy cinder.

They’re assholes (bears). They will soon feel the other side of the hot blade.

NOTE: At the close, I bought 2,000 FXP.

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Series of Fly Wins

Seriously, I think my stomach is going to explode.

I’ll make sure that you know, “The Fly” brined and cooked three turkey’s, in order to feed the wide range of guests at his headquarters.

At the end of the night, one could make a valid argument accusing “The Fly” of consuming the majority share of available or idle turkey meat.

Aside from winning at the dinner table, “The Fly” just won at garbage disposal too.

Apparently, I was the only fucker on the block who put his garbage out. Everyone thought the garbage fuckers were home eating turkey.

Wrong again neighbors.

Fly wins again (small victories add up).

NOTE: My local BBY has fuckloads of people waiting, camping out, to buy shit.

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Eat Well

Fuck this, I’m out of here.

“The Fly” will now go into “Chef mode” for big bird day.

Forget the market. Enjoy your food, family and the day off.

See you Friday.

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