Maybe “The Fly” Needs a Bailout

It’s a lunatic market. What else is there to say?

Stocks go up, when they’re supposed to go down and vice versa.

One thing is abundantly clear: The bears are a bunch of old pussies, unable to ride a bicycle without training wheels, let alone drive this market lower.

Bottom line: [[POT]] is booking for $200. Retail stocks climb, despite a dead consumer. Bank stocks gain, on the backs of deceased lines of credit. In total, with the exception of a handful of tech names, the market is barely down, year to date.

This is supposed to be a “bear market” with a recessionary economy. However, investors are treating it like 1999 on vitamin B-12 injections—during boom time.

With the small amount of money I have left, I will throw money at homeless men in Manhattan.

UPDATE: The near Godly folks at iNo.com have agreed to give a free subscription, to the winner of the “Final Four” contest, offering two of their paid services for one year—with a total value is $548. Click on the myriad of of iNo ads for details (no, I do not get paid per click). More on this later.

I’m fully prepared to short more [[DECK]], above $140. While it’s true, lots of dumb bitches wear them. It’s also true, mall traffic is down significantly, in recent months. For a big growth play, like DECK, all you need is a slight blip, then BAM, down 50 bucks.

With my money, I’ve been shorting more [[LEH]] and buying [[FXP]] and [[SKF]]. Thus far, I’m content with my [[SRS]] position and will accumulate more, at lower prices—God willing.

Over the weekend, I did extensive research on ETF’s. It’s amazing to see how many bases the banking fuckers have covered. There is an ETF for just about anything.

A few spiked my interest.

I like [[DBV]] here. DBV gets long G-10 currencies with the highest yields, while short the lowest yielding ones. And, [[UDN]] shorts the dollar, against foreign currencies. In my opinion, both are good plays.

And, for a direct play on grain, minus the dilution of other commodities, take a look at [[GRU]], which gets you long wheat and corn. Or, do a little work on [[FUE]], which gets you long soy, corn and sugar.

Aside from that, there is a myriad of China and commodity etf’s worth mentioning. More on this later.

For now, just know, “The Fly” is not fucking around when it comes to the market. He is always 1,000 steps ahead of you and all of your stupid geeky friends.

Top pick: “The Fly”

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w4jIpJSGL3c 450 300]

“Go buy yourself something nice.”

I’ll have you know, “The Fly” gets annoyed quickly. It doesn’t take much to set me off, even when sleeping. Sometimes, I get so mad by my egregious dreams/nightmares, I kill everyone in them (usually via Tommy Gun mow down)—then wake up happy. Analyze that.

Currently, here are some of the things that are irritating me:

– “Ag stocks” going higher, Ad nauseam.

– Natural Gas approaching $10, without a “hurricane of death.”

– Charlie Gasparino always looking tired and shit.

– Not knowing how many cups of coffee Dylan Ratigan drinks, per hour.

– Wall Street Fighter picking [[ASIA]] in the Final Four Contest.

– Wall Street Fighter thinking he can beat “The Fly” via ASIA.

– Monoline bailouts.

– Busted time machines.

– Steel stocks going up, Ad nauseam.

– Former “bearish” fund mangers turn bullish.

– Third tier bloggers.

– Cold coffee.

– Cramer.

Developing…

UPDATE: This man annoys me too.

Back in 2002, I wanted the Fed to lower rates. The economy was shit on a stick and joblessness was abundant. Fast forward to today, I fucking hate the fuckers who ruined the economy, namely the housing assholes. Because of this, I’m against rates going to 0% (inflation adjusted). Plus anyway, aside from the fag state of California, unemployment rates are benign.

I’m not sure if it’s just me, but I want those banking fuckers to pay a price, without severance, for what they did. Look around, you can see the economy is slowing. Low-end stores are closing. Mall traffic is pathetic. Starbucks is less flamboyantly gay.

However, we all know, the only reason why Bernanke is slashing rates is to “help out” the banks. On top of that, we have Moody’s and S &P publicly committing fraud, with the friendly help of Gov’t officials, keeping the monoline’s AAA rated. The whole situation is surreal and wreaks of misconduct.

It’s not a surprise to me, when at dinner parties or other “high-end” occasions, to hear people bitch about Wall Street, unwilling to invest in the long term viability of America.

Now, the great rage is commodities. Wall Street is spitting out commodity ETF’s faster than Gasparino wolf’s down meatballs (no offense to chop meat lovers). As sure as I’m sitting here, 10 bucks says commodity prices top out within 6 months.

I say this with certainty because Wall Street bankers are ALWAYS wrong. They feed people what they want. Most of the time, the masses or unwashed are 100% wrong.

With regards to bad tips:

Throughout the years doing business, I’ve been the recipient of terrific tips and horrendous ones. It’s the nature of the tip business. The “tipper” has an agenda. Always keep that in mind when taking a tip for face value. Upon receiving bad tips, “The Fly,” without warning, will send a few bored guys from Brooklyn to the “tippers” house to spray paint “I’m a fucking jerkoff” on the side of his house.

In general, trading off of tips is a bad idea.

Top pick: [[SRS]]

The market will trade higher on Monday.

You’re welcome.

Developing….

UPDATE: By the close of trading on Monday, Gasparino will have already eaten 30 meatballs.

Still Developing…

May your fucking meatballs burn, prior to being placed in “gravy.”

In other news, for those of you who enjoyed Ducati’s rantings, go visit his new blog. See, I’m not a complete asshole.

And, Ragin’ finished organizing the stock contest brackets.

UPDATE: Since the devil made Boomer buy some fucking [[BOOM]] on Friday, violating his promise of Lent, “The Fly” has decided to slap his name in the “Disgraced Peanut” box, where he will keep dubious company (BOTD). And, his column has been banished from the front page.

Sinners will not be fucking tolerated on this Godly site.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M4QkTvK2OEw 450 300]

BREAKING NEWS SPECIAL: THE RECESSION HAS ENDED!!!

Pardon me, I’m going to leave the office now and drive my car into a wall of dynamite. Nothing vexes me more than having my face ripped off, in late day trading.

Just when people started going home and volume thinned out, BAM, Charlie Gasparino leaks news of a pending bailout for [[ABK]].

Holy fuck nuts.

Not believing in such absurd theories, I threw some bad money after good, via fucktarded inverse etf’s. This, my foolish internet friends/enemies, is the worst stock day of my life (utter lie).

I’ve been through many arduous campaigns and “battles” throughout the years. However, this swift decapitation of “The Fly” will be archived, for a period of years, as the worst time machine defeat—EVER!.

To remedy the twisting feeling in my gut, I must exit the premises of the fucking office, hit my trader/servant in the head with an idle bagel, then go home and drink “poor people beer.”

With my money, I’ve been had.

Without doubt, the pending bailout will mark the bottom in U.S. indices and enable the DOW to shoot for 13,000. Concerning my short positions: they will die without honor.

NOTE: With the deepest regrets, “The Fly” finished the day down 0.66%.

UPDATE:

UPDATE II: Mish’s take on this Ambak shit.

I bought 1,000 [[SRS]] @ $113.91, 1,000 [[DUG]] @ $40.10, 500 [[SMN]] @ $39.53, and 500 [[EFU]] @ $90.00.

UPDATE: I bought 1,000 SRS @ $112.35

Disclaimer: If you buy the above stocks because of this post, your gold clubs will be stolen. And, you may lose money.