BREAKING NEWS SPECIAL: THE RECESSION HAS ENDED!!!
Pardon me, I’m going to leave the office now and drive my car into a wall of dynamite. Nothing vexes me more than having my face ripped off, in late day trading.
Just when people started going home and volume thinned out, BAM, Charlie Gasparino leaks news of a pending bailout for [[ABK]].
Holy fuck nuts.
Not believing in such absurd theories, I threw some bad money after good, via fucktarded inverse etf’s. This, my foolish internet friends/enemies, is the worst stock day of my life (utter lie).
I’ve been through many arduous campaigns and “battles” throughout the years. However, this swift decapitation of “The Fly” will be archived, for a period of years, as the worst time machine defeat—EVER!.
To remedy the twisting feeling in my gut, I must exit the premises of the fucking office, hit my trader/servant in the head with an idle bagel, then go home and drink “poor people beer.”
With my money, I’ve been had.
Without doubt, the pending bailout will mark the bottom in U.S. indices and enable the DOW to shoot for 13,000. Concerning my short positions: they will die without honor.
NOTE: With the deepest regrets, “The Fly” finished the day down 0.66%.
|ABK AMBAC Fincl: FT story discusses ABK bailout (10.71 +1.48) -Update-|
|FT reports a group of banks is preparing to inject $2 bln to $3 bln into the troubled bond insurer Ambac, which is racing against time to come up with fresh capital to avoid a sharp cut in its triple-A credit rating that could trigger wider financial market turmoil. The money from the banks would be part of a plan to split Ambac’s operations, people involved in the discussions said. Ambac is also considering raising fresh equity from shareholders. It is not clear how much capital it will need, or what credit ratings the split businesses would have. The group of banks looking at supporting Ambac includes C, WB, BCS, RBS, Societe Generale, BNP Paribas, UBS and Dresdner. These are the ones with the most exposure to guarantees supplied by Ambac on structured bonds and derivatives, the value of which could fall sharply and result in billions of dollars of write-downs if the insurer’s credit ratings fall far below the triple-A level.|
UPDATE II: Mish’s take on this Ambak shit.If you enjoy the content at iBankCoin, please follow us on Twitter