iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
21,264 Blog Posts

Mandatory Fast Money Rant

With the exception of Jeff Macke, whom I have decided is a highly competent investor, EVERYONE ON FASTMONEY BLOWS.

Really, they are all batting like .120, over the last 12 months. They fucking suck. All I hear is “buy this, no decouple that, solar stocks look sweet here or Carl Icahn is fucking great.”

I’m sick of it. I spit on Fast Money, from 300 yards away.

The worst of the worst is that pony tail dude. Although I love his enthusiasm, this man is a money destroyer on wheels. He needs to be contained to a box of playdough, and not giving investment advice to a populace that is screaming for sage commentary.

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42 comments

  1. Democrats are Crooks
    Democrats are Crooks

    Eliot Spitzer- “as they say on my favorite tv show BOOYAH!!”

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RDju6M4ofJw

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  2. CubsRock

    That lil chart Lady and Carter Worth are money.

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  3. Fuck me, Cramer now an uber-bear.

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  4. Juice

    True – only Macke is good despite the football players enthusiasm. Adami has permabullitis. Value chick adds no value & Seymour is a rookie.

    Only the guest chartists have nailed this market.

    Odd, no?

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  5. Juice

    Yeah, Cramer now calling for a depression if/when FRE/FNM go under.

    Get those soup line photos out of the vault.

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  6. nncoco

    Never, NEVER take investment advice from a guy with a mullet unless it is Susie Ormand.

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  7. CAP

    Cramer bearish = time to go long.

    Last time I recall Cramer bearish was in late August of 2006. The market went up like 30% after that. Seriously Cramer is your ultimate contrarian indicator . After all he caters to the mom and pop Joe Blow investors. They buy and sell based on his recommendations. You can be sure they will dump all their long positions sometime tomorrow, the market will drop fast and than rally hard. Time to get out of SKF SRS SMN DUG and into QLD DDM SSO UYG

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  8. Eliot Spitzer

    When you say everyone on Fast Money “blows”, is that a euphemism, or is that something someone could pay for, maybe? Is there a group discount or does each guy on there have his own fee?
    Also, you say you spit on them, from 300 yards away. How much would you charge to spit on someone from 5-10 feet away, maybe while they wear, say, a rubber helmet or muzzle?
    Just getting a feel for pricing here. Thanks.

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  9. Chrissy

    See BeLOW

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  10. Ottnott

    Disagree this time around, CAP.

    If the downtrend lasts long enough, as I expect this one to do, you can be late to the party and still get plenty of dancing in.

    Cramer has finally caved on his belief that, aside from a few stupid companies that deserved to die, the good companies (especially his beloved GS) would get through the debt problems in decent shape. He now understands that the debt meteor will strike the earth. It can’t be stopped. He’s right. The people who are wrong now are the ones who believe that the bearishness in the market is a sign that the bear is about to expire.

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  11. Ottnott

    Shorter Eliot Spitzer statement:
    “I deserve a spanking.”

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  12. Chrissy7D@EmporersClub.VIP

    Eliot,

    For the third time,you need to put more money on deposit before discussing services ….

    Jeesh!

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  13. Employee8

    The Cramer Bottom

    Sell! Sell! Sell!

    After the sellings (Tues PM or Wed AM) it will be time to cover and go long …. thanks Cramer!

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  14. Danny

    spot on commentary here

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  15. nullpointer

    fly-

    funny you would post this, because i have been thinking the EXACT same thing the last week or two.

    funny thing is, macke’s tight-ass-clenched-jaw schtick really used to rub me the wrong way….but i realized a couple weeks ago he is the only one with half a fucking brain

    its especially entertaining when he condescendingly puts jocko homo in his place – the looks he gives him just scream “you are a fucking idiot”

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  16. gappingandyapping
    gappingandyapping

    Client #10? James C? Is that you? Friend buddy pal?

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  17. JakeGint

    Appropos of nothing, but kind of amusing, especially if you are betrothed:

    Hold on to your flacking hat!

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  18. gappingandyapping
    gappingandyapping

    Somewhere, Dick Grasso is smiling. Somewhere Henry Blodget is kicking up his heels. And somewhere, Ken Langone’s meatball hero is a little tastier.

    Anyone think the traders will buy the market tomorrow in celebration?

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  19. Pinto beans

    Hey Fly,
    You should have stayed short. Things are about to get uglier.

    Here is something interesting
    http://hf-implode.com/

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  20. JakeGint

    Anyone notice that Skiffles is up 6.66 if you include AH?

    Satanic little Skiffles!

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  21. The Fly

    I am short.

    Just not as much.

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  22. JakeGint

    Note the cadences… the styles… hmmmmm…

    Chuck Norris doesn’t see dead people. He makes people dead.

    Chuck Norris never misspells a word. If he does, he simply changes the spelling.

    Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

    Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can’t get up the courage to tell him.

    Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

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  23. BreakingOut17

    You mean to tell me you don’t see the explosive options activity that Najarian does???

    Update: I wish Bolling stayed!

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  24. JakeGint

    Little known facts…:

    The orginal them song to the Transformers was actually “Chuck Norris-more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris robot in disguise,” and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up truck. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

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  25. The Fly

    I love this Chuck Norris guy.

    However, just know, if “The Fly” battled Chuck for world domination, “The Fly” would pick Chuck up by the mustache and hurl him into the Sun.

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  26. Pinto beans

    fly, are you going to increase you short position? This is gonna get alot lower before things settel down. Or do you feel we are near a bottom?
    thanks

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  27. JakeGint

    Macke’s a Dartmouth guy.

    That’s probably why you like him.

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  28. JakeGint

    Fly,

    With that attitude, I would NOT attempt a “Google Search” for Chuck Norris!

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  29. JakeGint

    Did you know?

    A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

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  30. JakeGint

    Also true:

    In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

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  31. Q4

    Fuck Chuck Norris

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  32. TraderCaddy

    The futures box is back in the corner. Can I now take my canary yellow polyester leisure suit off with the yellow polka dot tie? I have worn it for 24 hours now and it should go in the washing machine.

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  33. boca

    Chuck Norris doesn’t have to read books, he just stares at the cover until it gives up all it’s knowledge directly into Chuck Norris’ brain.

    Couldn’t resist.

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  34. floorsmall

    One of my all time favorite pictures. Chuck Norris supporting Mike Huckabee.

    https://bp0.blogger.com/_GRCIt4UAqao/R9XmzWfkHgI/AAAAAAAAAAM/mgrkRYfKcjs/s1600-h/chuck.jpg

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  35. r

    DGP, GLD. usd doa, wtf?
    Oh, and fuck that bitch Norris. I am buying suits tomorrow. Word.

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  36. JakeGint

    Q4 —

    Thanks for that, I thought I’d seen all the episodes of Star Trek, but I have to admit — somewhat abashedly — that I’d missed the one where Chuck Norris kicks Sulu’s ass.

    It’s a bit draggy though, so I cut out after 2 minutes or so, hoping to catch the full episode, on some random 11 pm time slot in the future.

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  37. JakeGint

    In the “that was quick” department:

    Tee shirts already available!

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  38. JakeGint

    Then, there’s this angle:

    Spitzer kills “two birds with one stone.”

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  39. Q4

    Jake:

    In short, Chuck gets his ass kicked. The Sulu you speak of is Bruce Motherfucking Lee. 🙂

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  40. JakeGint

    Q4:

    Time to get a sense of humor, son.

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  41. mind21

    Guys you are not alone believe me. I’m absolutely agree with you. It doesn’t matter what other people would say just trust me. I know for sure that it’s about real events.

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