We Will Close at the Lows of the Day

Not to sound like our resident scholar, Devildog, but odds are we will swan dive into the close—thanks to BAC/C/BCS.

Let me clarify today’s moves:

I fucking hate inverse etf’s. Although, truth be told, I am rather enjoying them today. However, I made a committment to leg out of these fuckers when the time was right. Now, going into this mornings trade, more than 60% of my assets were tied up in these fucking bastards. Two weeks ago I was ready to laugh at funerals and cry at comedy shows because of my large inverse etf exposure. However, I grabbed my balls, when the time was right, and nearby tripled down on my positions, just prior to the current meltdown.

I have SRS from $49, FAZ from $35 and DUG from $22—just to name a few. Basically, I’d have to be out of my fucking mind not to lock in big year to date gains, within the first two weeks of the new year.

If you recall, last year I was up huge during the first two week of ’08 (more than 25%), only to give most of my gains back like a fucking imbecilic fucktard, thanks to the insane Jan-March rally.

My point: never underestimate your enemy. Right now, my enemy, for the most part, are most of you—since you are long stocks. Don’t lie. I know you are betting against me.

Bottom line: I don’t give two fucks and a gay fiddle about where SRS goes, after I sell it. This is the first month of 2009; quit trying to eat the cupboard bare all in one sitting, you fat fucks.

At the time of the post, “The Fly” aka Senor Tropicana aka Plutonium Petey aka HORATIO CLAWHAMMER was up more more than 13% year to date.

NOTE: At the close of trade, iBankCoin, in conjunction with other internet fucktards, will debut “The Fly Show” episode one.

How’s that funnel?

“The Fly” wins again.

Across the board, I sold or in the process of reducing my inverse etf positions by 50%. I am selling FAZ, north of $60, SRS north of $71, ERY north of $42, DUG north of $27, REW north of $84, SMN north of $44 and EEV north of $64.

In addition, I covered the entirety of my HANS position, just shy of $31. However, I am leaving both VNO and XOM shorts intact.

With today’s early morning move, my year to date gains are north of 10%. Although I think the market goes lower, common sense dictates that I lock in gains here.

UPDATE: A song for victorious bears.

Assholes, don’t miss your window to book profits and don’t think you will time the bottom perfectly with new upside positions. Take your gains and grin.

Look, if VNO is having trouble parting with some of its cash, paying 60% of its qt dividend in stock, the sector is in for huge investor backlash/share price depreciation/multiple compression.

First of all, issuing dividends in the form of stock is incredibly dilutive. Furthermore, the only reason why most people by reits is for their dividends. Expect to see a lot of VNO type deals and full blown dividend cuts, during the course of 2009.

Basically, the sector is about to lose a whole class of investor. The old dude down the block who needs yield to pay for his country club membership. Yeah that guy, he’s a fucking seller of IYR today.

Within the Reits, I want to be a net seller of VNO, SPG, BXP, KIM and SLG. Ideally, I would like to short them on a bounce.

Following the JPM report and impressive upside reversals in Europe this morning, I would not be surprised to see the lunatic fringe of the bull camp attempt to run the market up by 1% or so. However, be very careful of a head fake, especially with oil getting punched in the scrotum.

And, let’s not forget about potential crisis looming at BAC.

With my money, I will look to lock in some gains here and build my cash position to over 50%. I will not buy anything on a dip, including AAPL. My position is still extraordinarily bearish. But, at the same time, I don’t feel like pushing the envelope here. Maybe I am getting old or some shit.

Either way you slice it, the economy is fucked and the reits are fucked in a most egregiously unique way.

Needless to say, this is no time to be an asshole dip buyer.

Still Developing… (insightful post NOT pending)

More on  this later.

UPDATE: CNBC is a fuckery mockery. Just know, I am set on giving the whole staff of fucktards over there one giant asshat award—starting with that shill Jim “the midget” Goldman. Also, it’s worth noting, in Goldman’s predictions for 2009, he stated that AAPL shorts would get squeezed in ’09, once the ‘ridiculous rumor mongering’ was put to bed. How much is AAPL paying Goldman to say this shit?

UPDATE II: Don rocks out!

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Sd9TFiJJkE 450 300]

This is what it’s all about. Bouncing frozen Monster Energy Soda’s off your fucking heads.

Today’s meltdown solidified “The Fly’s” gains, year to date, which stand at +8%, give or take a percent.

Hence the term applies: “The Fly” wins all the time, even when he appears to be losing badly.

For the day, while roaming around the vicinity of my offices, I enjoyed monster rallies in my basket of inverse etf’s, including REW, SMN, ERY, DUG, FAZ, SRS and EEV.

Know this, you’re not qualified to offer “The Fly” financial advice. His “winship” is too great for the likes of you. You are better off leaving iBankCoin’s website, in exchange for a Tim. Go give those assholes advice, they most certainly need it.

As for me, I will conduct myself with great honour and offer condolences to those of you who bet against me—in due time. In addition, it’s worth noting, I have informed Mrs. Fly that we are to partake in the consumption of 2 1/2 inch rib eyes this evening, over a fine aged bottle of Bordeaux.

You can talk all you want. However, at the end of the day, I’m the Blogfather of this finance game, while you’re just some pathetic loser, with bleeding out positions, that are out of favour with all of the stock Gods.

Off to prepare for this evenings festivities.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X15It4sYLRI 450 300]

Let this be a warning to all of you.

You thought you were all smart and shit. I know your type. You had your little charts stacked high on your bullshit desk. You just knew the government bailouts were working. After all, they could print money forever and ever and ever. You thought “hey, this Fly dude isn’t all that bad. He is wrong. I’ll show him.”

Wrong again.

“The Fly” is one bad motherfucker and you, sir, are an ordinary fucktard, easily distracted and easily killed.

I warned you of the January boot stomp. You chose not to get involved. You and your fucking charts, your mindless, dick sucking charts, are now enjoying the sharper end of my blade. For what?

Your bullshit accounts are on their way to zero—all because your had to bet against Senor Tropicana aka HORATIO CLAWHAMMER.

When will you humans learn (“The Fly” is a space alien magician)?

Regarding the important matter of investing:

I covered the rest of my KIM short, south of $15.75. I covered half of my XOM short, south of $75.5 and I increased my short position in HANS, just south of $31. I did not touch my VNO short position. As a matter of fact, I didn’t even look at it. It’s too beautiful.

As you know, I have big dicked exposure to inverse etf’s. I will not sell any of them today—due to my belief that the market is set to retest the lows. However, into the coming dive, I will sell them all and never buy, nor look, at them again—as promised.

Going into the close, I expect the market to get nailed to the fucking ground, effectively making clowns like Cramer and Kass look like dancing gorillas near a banana tree.

One pair trade worth considering is long oil, short oil stocks. You can do that via long UCO, long DUG. It’s possible that oil can bounce off of these levels. However, there is no fucking way oil stocks maintain these lofty levels for too much longer.

NOTE: I covered half of my XOM position because of my huge exposure to ERY and DUG, which already gets me short XOM. I’m just trying to eliminate overlapping investments, in order to build cash.

Top picks: SMN, DUG, FAZ and SRS.

I feel like some sort of fucking ghoul, looking for wealth destruction in stocks. I know all of this negativity is very bad for my karma. However, I just can’t help myself.

See, when I see people fuck up their trades, in a profession that I have mastered, I get crazed in the head— obsessed with proving a point. Unlike others, for me, it’s not about the money. Hell, if I was all about the money, I’d be fucking whoring myself around—squeezing pennies out of old ladies. As a matter of fact, I don’t even accept new business anymore.

Fuck the money.

It’s about proving a point.

The point here is we (the world) are in a very precarious situation and printing money is not the answer. It solves nothing.

Take a quick scan of the big banks; they are having their faces ripped off for them—on this glorious tundra like NYC morning.

Rumors are spreading fast, regarding HBC‘s need to raise capital. I am hearing they need 30 billion dollars. That’s outrageously funny. No one is going to give them that much money.

Here are the names you need to watch:

C, BAC, HBC, DB, BCS, GS, STD, MTU, JPM and WFC.

Dude, things are looking grim.

In other news, I really need to start eating oatmeal again. Someone had mentioned it on the blog yesterday and it reminded me: hey, for the love of tits, I like oatmeal.

I’m embarrassed to say, I’ve been drinking an awful lot of Earl Grey tea these days. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I get obsessed with things and completely get carried away. I need to stop drinking tea. It really is a queered out beverage and offers little caffeine to fuel my fucking engine.

As you know, “The Fly” does not sleep.

Hey, by the way, credit default swaps are blowing the fuck out for C again.

Happy trading, fuck face.