Stuck in the Funnel

Let’s just burn it all down, shall we? The Nasdaq strength will not be able to negate the absolute fuckery taking place in the broader markets. Thanks to a variety of issues, the market is knifing lower. Some people say it’s due to “dollar strength” or “Bernanke is going to jail soon” sentiment. However, I am in the camp that believes Joe Terranova has jinxed the market for good.

All of the bullish commentary, coming from Joe, has resulted in great disdain for equities, sending stocks down the sewer pipe into large vats of feces.

We’re doomed again, gentlemen. Today’s early optimism has morphed into an outright “fuck you, you’re dead” rout. I was wrong for siding with the mentally ill, believing in a never ending rally, due to “green shoots” and golden shit.

Unfortunately, I must deal with the consequences of my stupidity, via capital losses. Just so you know, I’ve gone “suicide Joe” on this market, not giving a fuck about intra-day warning shots. I am hell-bent on seeing my positions trade higher and refuse to concede to the obvious signs of pending doom. For those with greater flexibility, you might want to heed my warnings, prior to entering new positions.

Fuck the Dow. The Dow is a storage facility for future “too big to fail” names. Today’s tell can be found in the friendly confines of the NASDAQ. Tech stocks are ripping today, led by Apple Inc. [[AAPL]] , Research In Motion Limited (USA) [[RIMM]] , Intel Corporation [[INTC]] , Oracle Corporation [[ORCL]] , Juniper Networks, Inc. [[JNPR]] , just to name a few.

Truth be told, if you are selling stocks now, afraid to lose money later, you are a pussy and do not deserve the privileged of managing money. Instead, you should take up a gig as a cold caller, getting leads for some mid-level broker, living off of a $400 per week salary.

What’s important to remember, and keep in mind if you will, the market does not dance to your music box. It doesn’t give a shit about your vacation plans or your fucking schedule. If I had a nickle for all of the times I gave up on a stock, only to see it triple in value, I’d have like $10.

If I was buying stocks today, aside from the usual names, I’d buy a little Aurizon Mines Ltd.(USA) [[AZK]] , Ingersoll-Rand Company Limited [[iR]], Alcatel-Lucent (ADR) [[ALU]] and maybe a little Patriot Coal Corporation [[PCX]] . For the record, I own IR.

In short, despite the recent pullback, the trend is still up. Hence, my bias will remain in lock-step, until I am motivated to deviate against the sheeple.

Immediately following “The Fly’s” mental breakdown, declaring “We’re Doomed,” the market ripped higher to the sweet tune of triple digits. It’s important to watch what I do, not so much what I say, with regards to matters concerning money. According to the ancient laws of Jupiter’s stone, it is my right and duty to bank coin, at a profuse rate, despite not trying or even wanting to. It is my curse, my burden; it is my life.

Just yesterday, I was making preparations for the apocalypse, thinking the market was at the precipice of “shitting the shower,” yet here I am making you trollops look like headless shrimps, long stocks, in an egregious way.

The point: “The Fly” always wins, even when it seems some rogue version of the apocalypse is sure to suck him into a vortex, spitting out only his NY Mets cap.

With my money, I am emphatic about the prospects of OmniVision Technologies, Inc. [[OVTI]] , Corning Incorporated [[GLW]] , [[ERX]] , Arena Resources, Inc. [[ARD]] and yes Flotek Industries, Inc. [[FTK]] . Despite today’s melt up, I will likely bore many of you to death or worse, since I have no desire to change my portfolio or add new names. Plus anyway, with only 10% cash, there’s not much that I can do, barring going balls on the guillotine “all in”, while screaming “fuck the world.” As inviting as that sounds, I will likely roam around my office all day, slapping people with ham sandwiches.

Everyone get their rulers, heroin needles and graph paper out and head on over to Wood’s blog. He promised me he would host a fantastic soiree, with lots of charts, guns and Southern paraphernalia on display— for your perusal and liking.

He also posted some pretty kick ass statistical data.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ADcFQ-pxBRw&feature=related 570 480]

That’s it folks. We had a chance to take the initiative, but blew it. Blowing today’s opportunity is equal to not asking out that girl you liked in High School. Hell, you could have married her and had kids—lots of them. Instead, you’re just some schmuck watching the computer box, filling out eharmony questionnaires. Now we get to feel the wrath of assholes who profess a “15% correction is necessary.” It’s as good as done.

Following yesterday’s thumping, it was imperative for the market to punch higher today. Yet, at the end of the day, all we got was milquetoast.

Fuck green shoots and fuck all of the inventory corrections. The market has failed and will now resume getting APE RAPED, until old crickety men, like Warren Buffett, rescue the markets, via one-sided financing deals.

Oh well, it was nice playing pin the tail on the bearshitter. Now get ready for fire and black smoke.

Enough of this homo-tape. We need crowbars to the mouth, in order to establish discipline in this market. You know, it really pisses me off that all these retarded talking heads are espousing a “summer sell-off,” or “resting period” for the markets. Guys like THE COMMODITY KING aka Dennis Gartman, who have been wrong since birth, are calling for an extended period of market weakness, due to what? Due to the fucking lines on their charts, breaking meaningless moving averages? You have to be fucking kidding me. Just because everyone believes in the tooth fairy doesn’t make it true, if you know what I mean.

Fuck off and cop a walk.

Nothing has changed from two weeks ago. We are still in the same crappy economy and people are still losers. But is fair value for the Dow 8,300 or the same value of 11 years ago?

People need to chill the fuck out and drink more. You fuckers need more alcohol in your bloodstream and less opinions coming from your stupid mouths.

“The Fly” has allocated zero resources towards tolerating nonsensical prattling, from the likes of CNBC or blogosphere “experts,” most whom have never had to put real money on the line, minus their bullshit 5 figure 401k plans or queered out online trading accounts. Don’t talk to me about your plans or what you think will happen: I don’t care.

I have things to do, important things.

Into today’s dip, OmniVision Technologies, Inc. [[OVTI]] , Flotek Industries, Inc. [[FTK]] and Umpqua Holdings Corporation [[UMPQ]] are buys, to suggest otherwise is plain ol’ blasphemy.

We are at a crossroads, gentlemen. Quit smiling, acting all retarded, this is a very serious matter. The first person caught smiling gets his/her mustache punched off.

We are at a crossroads and we need to sprint higher, or else overweight slobs will dance on our freshly dug graves. With regards to the markets, this is a matter of life and death. Hence, it is NOT a laughing matter.

I’ve been busy thinking of ways to ensnare him (the bear). He is clever and is unrelenting in his efforts to destroy all people associated with the ownership of stocks.

So far, so good, with oil charging higher, the dollar stuck in the sewer, we have a better than average chance to win today. Most of my positions are higher, marginally—except for the whore of a bitch Flotek Industries, Inc. [[FTK]] . Thus far, my late date ball grab, buying 5,000 [[ERX]] , was accurate, as oil stocks lead the way higher. And, I am pleased to report, [[ENTR]] is not acting like a soon to be bankrupt sinkhole.

Nonetheless, we are not out of the woods yet. The market needs to move 100 Dow points higher, in order to grab the attention of pigeon brained money managers. We must lure them into ideas about “window dressing” and showing their idiot investors how smart they were this past quarter.

At the end of the day, we’re all a bunch of FAZtards and FAStards, battling it out for some worthless currency.

The following stocks were mined, in a very environmentally unfriendly manner, using my custom OVEREXTENDED (possible short sale set ups) screen, using The PPT.

Palm, Inc. [[PALM]]

Tempur-Pedic International Inc. [[TPX]]

Sears Holdings Corporation [[SHLD]]

[[CAB]]

The Cheesecake Factory Incorporated [[CAKE]]

Whole Foods Market, Inc. [[WFMI]]

Savient Pharmaceuticals, Inc. [[SVNT]]

Dendreon Corporation [[DNDN]]

Isle of Capri Casinos [[ISLE]]

That’s right, I’ve done lost my mind, posting charts and shit.

What that means is none of your concern.

More on this later.