Commodity Losers of 2009

Courtesy of The PPT, here is a list of stocks that have vastly underperformed the market in 2009, all basic material stocks, with % of shares sold short over 10% and ytd returns of less than 10%. Naturally, it comes as no surprise, Flotek Industries, Inc. [[FTK]] is in the mix (fuckers).

Potential Late Bloomers (% of shares sold short, ytd return)

Thanks to “bigger than God” stock market gains, the holy folks at iBankCoin will be holding their first ever party, also known as “CAMP PARADE” or “CHAMPAGNE PARTY” or “SAUSAGE SOIREE,” depending on where you are geographically.

The event will be held at a secret location. You tell us where to find you and we will arrange for your transportation. Upon entering the party, you will be given a pipe and a blazer, most likely from the venerable TED BAKER himself, providing he is still alive. Imagine the scene, 50 sausages chatting it up, laughing over champagne and a fine pipe. Oh, the anticipation, it’s almost too much to fathom.

While it’s true, I hate most of you and would rather see you in prison than at a party; it’s also true, iBankCoin has a reputation to uphold—all thanks and praise to the Bush administration for the plethora of “no-bid contracts” sent our way during the Gulf War.

At any rate, the market is closed and I won again. It should not surprise you, now or ever, that “The Fly” is always a step ahead, conducting himself in the most fashionable manner, with pride, dignity and honor.

Good Day,

Hope to see you all soon.

Le Fly

My time frame is longer than yours, mainly because I am not addled with severe dementia and ADD. With the 20% cash in my coffers, I have begun acquiring foreign stocks, by way of magical internet transmission.

Be that as it may, you should know, I don’t care about tomorrow’s stock prices. All I know, and this is a certainty (in my head), the Dow is going to 10,500, taking your bearish ass along for the DEATH RIDE.

A great man once said, “fuck all of those other beers; I’m drinking St. Ides.” Similarly, I don’t care about your moving averages, since I, KING COCK, dance to my own calypso music box.

In an effort to not get totally offtrack and incoherent, I insist that you listen to me now and watch me later.

Take profits. I don’t feel like selling; but my situation is different.

Over here, I have lots of money, just sort of sprawled out on my desk, underneath new diamonds and shit. Over there, you are poor, eating hotdogs and fries for dinner, while washing your socks in the bathroom sink.

Look, don’t be afraid to NOT be like “The Fly.” It’s okay—promise.

At the end of the day, I will not be here forever, teaching your retarded ass how to make a living in this God forsaken market. As sure as I’m sitting here, one day, I will vanish into the summer winds, with only remnants of “The Fly” left as a reminder, in the form of a giant “FUCK YOU SHORTS, YOU’RE DEAD” sign on the front page of iBankCoin.

All related to my Foreign Thesis game plan.

I bought 2,000 Aracruz Celulose SA (ADR) [[ARA]] , north of $22.75, 3,000 Vimpel-Communications (ADR) [[VIP]] , north of $19.75, 1,000 POSCO (ADR) [[PKX]] @ $103.30, 2,000 [[CBD]] , north of $59.50, 2,000 Homex Development Corp. (ADR) [[HXM]] , north of $37.80 and 1,000 Teva Pharmaceutical Industries Ltd (ADR) [[TEVA]] @ $50.95.

Disclaimer: If you buy the above stocks because of this post, your only IT guy will sleep all day and drink all night. And, you may lose money.

Corning Incorporated [[GLW]] up more than 6% in early trading, while your rookie short positions get blown the fuck out.

Some say the market is going up, only due to the dollar’s decline. I disagree. The market is going up because there is nowhere else to place money. The continuous decline in the dollar is a contributing factor, but not the big dick in the closet—if you know what I mean (actually, I have no idea what that means).

You fuckers need to understand something, “The Fly” is in a constant state of “winship.” He is the hydrogen bomb of destructive ordnance, while you’re just some sort of smoke bomb. You’re a child, easy to trick, easy to irritate.

What you see today, demonstrated by another triple digit move in the Dow, is WINSHIP. Pure, unadulterated WINSHIP, only understood by Super Bowl champions or Mike Tyson in his prime.

Into this melt up, I will be monitoring The PPT Overall score carefully, for it may be time to take a few pesos off the table.

In short, don’t say anything. If you followed me, may the Gods bless your X-mas tree with lavish presents. If not, may the Pumpkin Man bite your face off this Halloween.

Top Pick: Flotek Industries, Inc. [[FTK]] (wait for it)

For those of you who bought when everyone else was “FAZZING” themselves to death, go splurge. Get over to your local bodega and buy yourself a 40oz. bottle of Colt 45 Malt Liquor and a few bags of peanuts for dessert. You’ve earned it.

For the rest of you:

You DISQUSt me. I insist, stop reading my words, else I will have my IT guy develop a special infrared light that will blind you.

I don’t come here to prove how smart I am, through sheer tenacity and super human IQ. I come here to blog, because I do it better than everyone else. If I was just some regular jack-off, wasting the day with charts and empty claims, I’d shoot myself in the face with a fucking Howitzer.

Luckily, I am “The Fly,” better known as Le Fly in Paris. I never lose and I don’t like people; which, incidentally, makes me the perfect blogger, mainly because I don’t give a fuck.

The uptrend is intact. The market is going higher. Prepare to win again, gentleman of the internet. Prepare to win.

Off to spend some fuck you money.

UPDATE: All welcome COACH COFFEE.

After seeing “The Fly” nail this market like a fucking space alien magician, for the better half of three years, you’d think the assholes (many of you) would refrain from offering me financial advice. But no, you fuckers know exactly why Corning Incorporated [[GLW]] should not be bought, since its little chartsy wartsy is all fucked up. Do you morons listen to yourselves when you talk? For the love of green telephones and yellow curtains, I could give a rats ass about your fucking charts.

I buy stocks based upon a thesis. In other words, I am investing, while you are simply gambling away your inheritance.

Based upon what I know, you fuckers have no right to speak to me. As a matter of fact, from now on, if you corn cob gobblers want to talk to me, forward any and all questions to WOODSHEDDER first. We’ll set up an interview for you and determine whether you are worthy of wasting my time. Let’s face it, no matter what you have to say, it’s an abject waste of time for me.

Into the bell, I am slicing the heads off bears, as if that shit was legal.

Top picks: POSCO (ADR) [[PKX]] , Corning Incorporated [[GLW]] , TriQuint Semiconductor [[TQNT]]

I bought 5,000 Sociedad Quimica y Minera (ADR) [[SQM]] @ $37.45, 5,000 Corning Incorporated [[GLW]] @ $14.71, 2,000 Guess?, Inc. [[GES]] @ $35.50, 2,000 POSCO (ADR) [[PKX]] @ $103.24 and 3,000 Align Technology, Inc. [[ALGN]] @ $15.75.

Disclaimer: If you buy the above stocks because of this post, the next time you have a swaray, some asshole will serve you with a fake subpoena. And, you may lose money.

“Not even close, fuckface,” will be the final words of Senor Tropicana, just prior to him leaving the Earth for good, off to his home planet. Much to the chagrin of the bears, m&a is back in force, as evidenced by today’s action in Brocade Communications Systems, Inc. [[BRCD]] . Believe you me, there are many deals to be done. Over the last few months, middle market deals are on fire. It’s only a matter of time before you see big firms start swallowing smaller names, like Aruba Networks, Inc. [[ARUN]] , ValueClick, Inc. [[VCLK]] or [[MWW]] whole.

Once again, my experiment in mathematical precision was a success. By this I mean, The PPT gave you the exact bottom in the market, to the day.

With my money, as you know, I’ve been buying General Cable Corporation [[BGC]] , [[MWW]] , IAC/InterActiveCorp [[IACI]] , Corning Incorporated [[GLW]] , Guess?, Inc. [[GES]] , POSCO (ADR) [[PKX]] , Sociedad Quimica y Minera (ADR) [[SQM]] , ADTRAN, Inc. [[ADTN]] and TriQuint Semiconductor [[TQNT]] —just to name a few.

With the market lifting off here, all bets are off. The bears are about to fall victim to this sort of shit.

At any rate, “The Fly” is pleased with today’s action, while boiling over mad at the shadows near my favorite urinal. Those fuckers keep telling me to sell stocks. One of those fuckers just pissed me off so much, I knocked him into one of the idle the soap containers.

On a closing note, DISQUS is a shitty comment tool. Any blogger worth his salt, or possessing a modicum of self respect, will never use such a lowly software application on his/her blog.

The Real Coach Coffee, live and in color.

He will teach you how to play basketball, trade stocks, blog and how to pick up chicks, all the while yelling at his dog for pissing on the refrigerator door.