How About a Fucking Stick in Your Eye?

I was over here, clapping like a fucking seal, due to some of my stocks bucking the trend, going up while the market knifed lower. That was 2pm. At the bell, I am taking sticks out of my eyes, as these motherfucking bastard stocks nail me to my beliefs, sacking my coin as if I were some rich old lady in a dark alley.

Cocksuckers, we’re on the other side of the mountain now and I fucking saw it coming, like a little league curveball that just doesn’t break. I could have easily invested my 15% cash position into 3x levered etf’s, giving me a cool 45% hedge. Instead, I sort of just punched the walls and slapped the cats (just kidding, I only throw cats out of windows).

I don’t want to talk about stocks anymore, since I have, clearly, missed out on this inflection point. I am pissed the fuck off and will convert this website into a “rent-a-clown” destination, where readers can rent out a clown for their kids parties or weddings.

Despite not knowing any tricks, I’ll come to your wedding, dressed as “BOZO the BALL BREAKER,” where I will magically punch the groom in his balls and slap the old people around with shrimp cocktails.

As you can see by my tone, I am in a pleasant mood today. I just love having to dig myself out of graves; it makes for great sport.

I know everyone hates the banks, due to their criminal ways, especially when they destroy trillion dollar economies via bad investments. However, I think it’s fair to say “banks are cool too.” For the love of dead cows, we get to stuff all of our money into their vaults, saving us from neighborly burglaries and sudden knife point demands. In exchange for our paper, we get kick-ass cards, with all sorts of numbers and shit on them, which allows us to tap our savings, at anytime—anywhere.

With the markets weak today, banks are bucking the trend higher, putting the FAZtards in a very arduous situation. Stocks like JPMorgan Chase & Co. [[JPM]] , KeyCorp [[KEY]] , Comerica Incorporated [[CMA]] , Wells Fargo & Company [[WFC]] and Bank of America Corporation [[BAC]] are shooting higher, thanks in large part to green shoots and black flags. Truth be told, no one is a bigger fan of the banks, despite having zero dollars invested in them, than “The Fly.” For Christ’s sake, I have my entire life savings in those fucking vaults, minus a little emergency Armageddon pocket change lying around the house.

The current sell off is taking place in former leadership sectors: commodities, tech and commercial real estate. For some oddball reason, the banks were able to pull a Houdini on the Faztarded bears. Either this is an anomaly or some sort of bat-signal that will trigger a fresh round of buying, by dark/secretive government agencies, who want nothing more than to see [[FAS]] go higher.

As for me, I am very tempted to take all of my cash and go shopping in a variety of inverse etf’s and individual short sales. I am eyeballing [[MWN]] , [[SCO]] , [[SMN]] and [[FXP]] , but have yet to take any action. Sometimes inaction is the best course of action to take.

Investors are throwing in the proverbial towels, ahead of the beginning of Q2 earnings. The mood is somber and the traders are glum. All of a sudden, oil deserves to go much, much lower, because it was a scam in the first place. They say “prices were manipulated higher,” yet offer no evidence to back up such assertions.

In short, stocks are selling off because people think the recovery is bullshit. My sense: Who the fuck knows if the economy is snapping back or just plain snapping? My long bias is based upon the idea that, despite the tumultuous economy, the S&P is still cheap and things are not nearly as bad as some people are forecasting, such as S&P 150 or Dow 34.

However, none of my beliefs will save me from losing money, should the tidal wave of pessimism reemerge. With that in mind, I will raise more cash today, in order to slow things down a bit.

As for hedges:

The traditional inverse etf’s suck balls. [[FAZ]] is a waste of good alphabet letters. Forget about the levered etf’s and go with individual short sales.

As for me, I will give the market some more time to catch its balls, holding onto good names like OmniVision Technologies, Inc. [[OVTI]] , Corning Incorporated [[GLW]] and TEKELEC [[TKLC]], before I start hedging. However, just know, the only reason why I am so patient is due to my big cushion of gains. If I wasn’t up so much, I’d probably be shitting the shower now, wondering when the “homo-hammer of certain death” was going to rain down on my skull.

Fuck off and find the news story yourself. What do I look like, some sort of news fetcher?

I am making a point here, people from the internets.

If Bill Miller, retarded money manager from Legg Mason, can bounce back to the tune of 48% in Q2, so can anyone, even armless chimps. I know many of you are down and feel like shooting yourselves in the face with an old howitzers. However, you must keep faith and remember, if Bill Miller and his palsy brain (famous for doubling down in Freddie Mac common just prior to its demise) can boss up to the tune of 48%, penguins can pick up guns and shoot walking pigs and you too can regain all of your lost coin or get your share of the BILLIONS being made on the internet, either or.

You’re welcome for the late night pick-me-up.

Signing off–

Inspirational Fly

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QQtLoJlQD6E&feature=PlayList&p=CDA3D3DC89552147&index=0&playnext=1 616 500]

The 100% probability of a rally, after a -15%+ day in Hybrid score, is proven accurate, yet again.

Back on planet Earth, “The Fly” is having his balls boxed around in Flotek Industries, Inc. [[FTK]] , thanks to the “death on a stick” action in natural gas, [[UNG]] . Today’s “balls on the guillotine” buys in Ciena Corporation [[CIEN]] and [[ERX]] proved accurate. Additionally, one of my lotto tickets, [[ENTR]] , sprinted higher, due to nothingness and jack-assed momentum.

Nevertheless, I still lost money in ERX, OmniVision Technologies, Inc. [[OVTI]] , Atmel Corporation [[ATML]] , salesforce.com, inc. [[CRM]], SandRidge Energy Inc. [[SD]] , [[ARMH]] and ADTRAN, Inc. [[ADTN]] . Furthermore, I barely made it out green in Corning Incorporated [[GLW]] , TeleCommunication Systems, Inc. [[TSYS]] and TEKELEC [[TKLC]] .

Bottom line: Despite Senor Tropicana’s recent set-backs, a multitude of egregious wins are right around the corner. I can smell a win from thousands of miles away.

UPDATE: iBankCoin Wins Again!

What if the market repeats last year’s bloodfest?

What if the economy is “double dipping”?

What if I miss the sell signals and the market rips my eyes out?

What if oil is going back to $35?

What if there are no hurricanes this summer?

What if natty goes to $2.00?

What if California files bankruptcy?

What if another war breaks out?

As investors, one must always consider the “what if’s,” especially worst case scenarios. Within my holdings, already, I have factored in worst case scenarios and how they would affect my standing in life, as a distinguished gentleman. While most of you like to champion bullshit rhetoric, without offering tradeable ideas, “The Fly” puts it all on the line, without ambiguity or veiled motives.

I speak in clear tones and my goal is well known: iBankCoin will be the #1 financial website in the world, starting with our recent win in Canada, partly thanks to Uncle Howard’s endorsement.

As for today’s trading:

There is broad weakness, in just about every sector but cleaning products, tobacco stocks and other defensive names. At the moment, my cash position is a touch under 15%, with hardly any hedges. Granted, it’s a ballsy move and it could result in a financial set back. However, I am not stuck in a dogma and will switch bias, from long to short, quicker than the NY Mets can blow a seven game lead, with just 3 weeks of baseball to play.

Just to reiterate, according to previous PPT readings, the market should bounce from here, if not today, sometime this week. For the moment, I will continue to hold names like Corning Incorporated [[GLW]] , OmniVision Technologies, Inc. [[OVTI]] , [[ERX]] , TEKELEC [[TKLC]] , ADTRAN, Inc. [[ADTN]] and even Flotek Industries, Inc. [[FTK]] . Before proven wrong, I need to let the market hit me a little harder.

I bought 5,000 [[ERX]] @ $24.44

UPDATE: I bought 2,000 Ciena Corporation [[CIEN]] @ $9.10

UPDATE II: I bought 4,000 [[CIEN]] @ $9.15.

Disclaimer: If you buy the above stocks because of this post, the next time you go for a swim in your pool, a plugged in toaster will follow you in. And, you may lose money.

What a splendid day. Aside from “enjoying” stock market losses, I am being treated to a wonderful US-Russo press conference, where two bullshit artists demonstrate the elegance and skill sets of being a master sophist. Without a doubt, both men are capable of stealing the purse out of an old woman’s pocket book, while waiting on the check out line of a seedy Pathmark grocery store.

As you know, oil is getting donkey punched, alongside all commodities. For the moment, the brilliant strategists on Wall Street, led by “Tornado Joe” Terranova, have declared the end to the reflation trade. Therefore, all commodity stocks are sucking dick, until (naturally) the Joe’s of the world step in and declare “the reflation trade is back on.”

Candidly, making money in the stock market is not so much different from driving a car. You need to anticipate the traffic in front of you and know when to step on the gas or slam on the brakes. If you do this shit while drunk, you will hurt a lot of people, most notably your bullshit car (portfolio). Some people choose to drive using their gut, others use a navigation system (The PPT). In summary, if you are serious about getting to your destination or making a fortune, you need to invest time and money.

As for today’s tape:

I like the dip in tech related names and find myself extremely tempted to buy some Ciena Corporation [[CIEN]] , Brocade Communications Systems, Inc. [[BRCD]] and [[RAX]] . I like Starent Networks Corp. [[STAR]] too, but would prefer to buy it a little lower. At the moment, my cash position is pretty sizable, but my appetite to buy more stocks is curbed by the hideous taste of losses.

In short, my next set of moves must be flawless; therefore, I will exercise patience while the market bleeds out.

NOTE: Based upon previous PPT readings, I am still optimistic that the market will bounce from these levels, at least for a week.

Be sure to just die now, in order to just get it over with already. No one will have a job, within minutes of this post being published. The State of California will break off from the mainland and drift to China, where the crazy bastards from Beijing will enslave the greenies, forcing them to work inside of Nike sweat shops. All farms will be rendered useless, since death will be the preferable breakfast of champions.

As for the stock market:

The revolutionary blogosphere will succeed in destroying the evil corn huskers from Goldman Sachs, thereby eliminating your pension fund in the process. ALL STOCKS WILL OPEN AT ZERO, almost immediately.

Your Grandparents will be drafted into the military, in order to conquer meaningless volcano’s and your children will be conscripted to fight wild animals in the Amazon.

The new world, one where America as we know it sucks cock and dies, will be better, since everyone will be dead, at war or in the Jungle’s of South America fighting rogue lizards.