Genius: Liquid Swords

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=77Dre7Mg2rg 616 500]

While the bears were inexorably punished today by way of a “Goldman Sachs Slap,” yours truly was busy entertaining men of great substance, who were addled with woefully little etiquette, in a most grotesque NYC neighborhood. I am pleased to report, the stock market has, once again, caught up to my way of thinking. Despite being stuck inside of a Vietnamese curry eatery for most of the day, I was updated often and thoroughly, throughout the entire trading session.

If you are in the camp that believes the market is about to be destroyed, for the second time in so many years, you are dumber than a bag of doorknobs. Truth be told, this new leg up will reinvigorate my people against yours. It is a fact, the machines, operated under the direct supervision of none only Goldman Sachs, are out to kill you and strip your house bare, for the copper piping, of course.

With my money, unafraid, I am leaning entirely to one side, long. Old legacy hedges, such as [[SRS]] and [[FAZ]] , are of no consequence and do not have any relevancy in my portfolios, nor do they belong in yours. Unfortunately, your mind is not as finely tuned as Senor Tropicana’s, via nature and nurture deficiencies. However, you are wise enough to know when the game has been lost.

You stand outside of your office defeated, as dark clouds amass up above, sabre rattling with terrifying thunder and menacing lightning. Just when you thought “The Fly” lost, a win came out of nowhere to humble you, yet again.

Top picks: Corning Incorporated [[GLW]] , OmniVision Technologies, Inc. [[OVTI]] , [[ERX]]

Say Uncle, Goldman Sachs hating clam-diggers. It must chagrin you to know, even Meredith Whitney is bullish on Goldman Sachs Group, Inc. [[GS]] . After all, it’s the American way, whether you like it or not.

Speaking of Goldman, they are exceedingly bullish on “mid-cycle” tech plays, specifically SuccessFactors, Inc. [[SFSF]] and [[SWI]] . In other words, they are so fucking confident the recession is over, they are building positions in mid-cycle stocks— absolute hilarity.

Just so you know, there is nothing funny about this market, nor do I wish to mock it, after humbling myself in failure, being long an aggregate of several underperforming energy stocks. However, at the same time, I realize that my market philosophy, translated through my positions, is often ahead of the curve, as many of my colleagues and enemies work under a simpler time frame through haphazard analysis. There is just one constant present in the man better known as “The Fly,” it is that he is always right.

Thus far, Chinese stocks find themselves getting annihilated under a canopy of fire, as evidenced by the upward momentum of [[FXP]] . Separately, the banks are charging higher, led by overzealous optimism in the substandard, and often referred to as “raunchy”, financial industry.

Finally, as I sit here, watching my screen transform from green to red, I too am chagrined by an irreconcilable fact: I must attend a business meeting in one hour and the market is on the precipice of shitting the shower, for lack of a more elegant term. In short, watch your positions very closely, except of course if you work for Goldman Sachs, since you already know where they will be, exactly one hour from right now.

Earlier this morning, while reading the paper in the backyard, I saw a giant crumb moving on one of the pavers. After further inspection, I discovered it was a little fucking ant, carrying a gigantic crumb to some egregious ant clan, or whatever the fuck those pesky vermin like to call home. I admired the little fellow, as he struggled mightily with the crumb. He was a greedy little fucker, trying to carry the big piece, while there were plenty of other smaller pieces nearby. “Super Ant” was trying to feed the whole damn ant universe with that monstrous crumb, instead he got his face smashed in with a giant sandal—if you know what I mean.

The moral of the story: Carry the smaller crumb, eat well, and go unnoticed.

I don’t want to pound this issue into the ground, since Denni Kneel [sic] is just whoring for eyeballs (note: despite Kneel [sic] mentioning iBC on his show, the site did not get a traffic bump. In other words, more people read iBankCoin than watch his experiment in live idiocy).

I am going to put the matter of anonymity to bed, right now.

If CNBC, specifically Charlie Gasparino and David Faber, fesses up and discloses the identities of all of their egregious sources (you know, the ones who give them all of their market moving hot tips), I will reveal my identity, alongside everyone on this site (providing they agree). Additionally, I am sure many anonymous bloggers will do the same.

Furthermore, since transparency is so important to the pig-masters on the teevee, I propose they (CNBC) cease using sources that wish to remain anonymous. You know, let it all hang out—fuck it. Lead by example, great make-up God’s from the teevee, and we (simple bloggers) will follow you into an era of unbridled transparency.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OZgdwWhLdaQ 616 500]

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dkLJut7Oll4 616 500]

I lied.

I couldn’t pull the asshat trigger on my targeted shorts. Tech was too fucking strong. Despite taking a stiff upper cut to the scrotum on the pain maker aka Flotek Industries, Inc. [[FTK]] , I made coin today, mainly thanks to gains in Corning Incorporated [[GLW]] and OmniVision Technologies, Inc. [[OVTI]] .

Call me a caribou crazy, but deep down in my gut, I sense a rally coming. Granted, I’ve been saying such asinine things during the entire 4 week death march lower. The fact still remains: “The Fly” is never wrong, even while losing, even when wrong.

In my experience, the market usually turns when I start slapping people in the face with hot slices of pizza. Let it be known, my trader/servant’s nickname is “Marinara Nose.”

For the week, I lost tonnes [sic] of money, as FTK/ERX taught me a lesson in stupidity. With the grace of heavily booted clowns, I will be back to my winning ways, sometime soon. If not, well then, I may need to grow a beard and start threatening my neighbors with sharp knives, again (just kidding, I only threaten them with garden tools).

If you are confused over the current direction of the market, join the party, hosted by yours truly. Drinks and appetizers WILL NOT be served. Just a few short weeks ago, or maybe a month (I forget), the market was fun. I was skipping through green fields, with knitted sweaters wrapped around my shoulders and cigars hanging out of my mouth.

Today, I am shivering in a wet alley, with a dirty old burlap jacket velcro’d to my back and a crack pipe hanging out of my pocket. Life is grim, especially when you make all sorts of fucked up moves. Now, in all fairness, my recent flurry of buys, specifically in Corning Incorporated [[GLW]] , OmniVision Technologies, Inc. [[OVTI]] and Ciena Corporation [[CIEN]] , have not been all that bad. It’s the other shit that’s killing me, namely [[ERX]] and Flotek Industries, Inc. [[FTK]] . You do not need a “calculator brain” to know that holding onto losers is ALWAYS a bad idea. I broke all sorts of rules, holding through the carnage. As much as I preach, I did not heed my own warnings. For that, I am awarding myself a commemorative Asshat of the Week Award.

For the most part, I am still bullish on select tech names, despite what the tape is saying. I’ve been at this long enough to know the tape is always wrong, or often behind the curve.

As for Dennis Kneel [sic]:

First, I want to bury the ridiculous hatchet between Karl (boy do I hate the K in Carl) and iBC. He and Woodshedder can go debate “the ancient secrets of the Golden Cross” on 60 minutes. To be honest, I don’t give a fuck.

This Dennis character is besmirching those who blog from the comforts of anonymity. Look here, dickhead, some people don’t want their faces covered in make-up. Some people do not want the lights shining on their faces. Some people have important things to say and require anonymity to do so. If you think anonymity is bad, lobby Congress to restrict anonymity at the polls. Let’s get rid of whisteblowers and informants too. Who the fuck needs them anyway?

After all, life is all about being transparent, except of course when you are cheating on your wife or dancing around your taxes.

You get my point.

Some people require privacy and do not want to be bothered by others. Instead of lashing out at the tiny little internet, Dennis should take a look in the mirror and try to recall all of the stupid shit he said on national television, such as: “I bet you this market closes up today.” By far, CNBC is the worst offender of manipulating stocks, in all of the media—combined. How many times did Gasparinio or Faber or Cramer jerk stocks higher, as a result of bad reporting?

Tell me Dennis, are you feeling lucky, punk?

I am dreaming of dancing marshmallows, thinking this market is going higher. Who the fuck am I kidding? This tape has sucked balls for more than a month now and here I am rationalizing myself to death, all the while this Flotek Industries, Inc. [[FTK]] cocksucker is death spiraling into the ground. Sure, there are small signs of life, especially in the tech space. But, for the most part, the FAZtards are having their way and it’s only gonna get worse.

Thus far, all of the recent data points to a prolonged recession. With the consumer in the penalty box and people losing their jobs, I am out of my fucking mind, long equities, going into the slow summer months. For fucks sake, even Larry Kudlow is talking bearish now.

Aside from crude oil, the sellers are killing commercial real estate stocks, as evidenced by [[SRS]] . While it’s true, the CRE fuckers have raised a lot of money, effectively avoiding insolvency. It’s also true, their businesses still suck moose cock and their share prices are susceptible to egregious bear raids.

Enough of the bullshit. The time for having siestas in the shade drinking lemonade are over. I am starting positions in a variety of inverse etf’s today and I am not going to think twice about it.