FLASHBACK to When Times Were Good

I found the epic post where a reader named CAP vowed to suck his own cock, should the market reverse higher. I remember it vividly, as the market went from deep in the hole to green. Since then, others readers made fun of him for years, until his slinked into the oblivion.

Where is CAP and where is DEVILDOG?

Might I add, DEVILDOG once promised to EAT his cock if the market went above 8,900. I presume he is now cockless.

DEVILDOG Says:

I notice that pig cnbc maria has been doing a lot of stuttering lately. Did she catch that affliction by sucking paulson’s dick?

No she got that afflication sucking mine. Did you really think I was going to polish my own knob.

Ok here goes. If the Dow closes this week above 8900, I will EAT MY COCK. Yes there you heard it. Chop it off with a butchers knife, Cut it into pieces, fry it with some seasoning and a little salt and proceed it to eat it with a steak knife and a fork.

EPIC CAP THREAD #1

EPIC CAP THREAD and POST #2

Finally, for your reading pleasure.

Fuck you guys. I’ve been banging out hits for you ingrates since 2006. All the while, every step of the way, you fight me. Like a small baboon retarded child, you attempt to chastise me in the comments section and/or leave financial advice. The things that you say here, without a doubt, would result in serious facial rearrangement in real life. While it’s true, although I blog like the fucking wind under a pen name, this is who I am. I never pull punches and I am always forthright.

Throughout the years, the characters have changed, as some readers die off and others stumble in from lesser confines. But the pattern is identical. Human nature is to be vile, invidious and outright immoral. You may believe this is a simple website with a nonchalant group of writers. While some here are less dedicated than others, this means more to me than your pigeon sized brain could ever fathom. What I do here, as well as others, cannot be duplicated. Everyone wants to be their own man; I certainly respect that sentiment. However, I can tell you with the utmost certainty, being in the business of professional money management for over 14 years, I have no rivals. I’ve been gifted with the ability to bank coin since young and I share this talent with all of you dicksuckers here, for free.

What do I get in return?

Bitching and moaning and having to ban well over 700 readers on this site because you couldn’t behave like gentlemen.

When you come to iBC, you must understand there is a certain guideline of decorum that must be adhered to, else I will ban your ip from accessing the site and melt your fucking computer down with my internet laser beam. Act like men and quit trying to piss on each other, like idiots in a schoolyard.

I reduced my cash position into the bell, adding to current holdings and starting new positions in FAS and BPFH. My cash position is now down to 30%. I am fairly confident that we edge higher, led by banks and semis. Therefore, I put my money where my mouth is, AND MORE.

For the day, I was up 0.05% aka flat. GSVC bounced following yesterday’s bloodbath. And, I look forward to holding DECK into earnings, scheduled to report tomorrow.

All in all, today was a perfect consolidation day.

I bought FAS and I am starting a new position in a regional bank.

UPDATE: I bought BPFH.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UIeIRghsD_k 616 500]

A special shout out to all of my advertisers who don’t like foul language displayed on the front page.

Everything you see here today is Hollywood. Like the fake lunar landing, investors are fooling themselves by underestimating the power of the Bearded one. He will smite you will great vengeance and authority. I warned you about your horrible transgressions and pleaded with you to correct your ways. You chose to believe in the sleeveless dinner jacket crowd, zerohedging yourself short amidst negative news flow, only to find yourself here several weeks later looking for guidance.

I am not here to teach you anything. Instead, I will tell you everything, as it pertains to this market and what should be done.

Play it close to the vest and keep cash reserves; but be long. The days are long now and the summer nights will warm the sentiments of the most ardent of bears. Truth be told, there isn’t much time for you to waste and not too much upside left. However, the one thing I can tell you, this market should not be shorted.

With my money, I like CRZO, VCLK, DECK and GSVC most today. I never lose and I don’t bitch and complain when I do.

Be gone now and tell the world “The Fly” is watching, every second of the day.

A great man once said “it’s gonna be a hot summer bitch.” I could not agree more.

As the summer heat whimsically melts people into puddles of sweat and the euro-trash abroad tries to manipulate their way out of another mess, “The Fly” is living the life of ten Kings combined, SHOMPing around all day, gallivanting (NO HOMO) throughout the northeast corridor of the United Steaks of America. Never query “The Fly” about his whereabouts, for he will never tell you. Take solace in knowing there is intelligent life forms out there, eating beluga caviar, drinking Aces champagne.

As for the market: we have further to go to the upside. Whenever we do hit OVERBOUGHT levels, it will likely mark the end of risk for Master Chef Fly, as the world teeters on comedic insolvency. The Chinese are building ghost cities, as the US blows up Libyan infrastructure, all contributing the GDP. None of these things are sustainable, unless of course we get together and blow each others buildings up.

With my money, I pray for a sincere pullback in WNR, so I can get long. And, I am not chasing the bull. I am content with a 15-16% gain in mid-July. I can take this 15-16% and turn it into 30% by December, when the markets are more liquid and predictable. In the meantime, I am positioned in names that should not disappoint during earnings and are fairly valued. I’m trying my best not to Riverbed myself.

I think it’s fair to say The PPT intra-day OVERSOLD signal, posted yesterday, won again. With today’s 200 point rally, all of my stocks, with exception to one, rallied. GSVC dropped by 10%; but I added more sub $17, so I feel good about that. It’s important to buy the blood, small plebs, especially when the fundamentals are unscathed. If anything, the fundies of GSVC have just soared to the upside. Being a well capitalized VC firm is of paramount importance, particularly during a private equity boom.

I expect many of you to get flushed out on this weakness, just like you did with WNR, CVI, FTK and many more in between. I don’t fucking lose.

I sold out of GSS this morning, which was mentioned inside The PPT and 12631, one of the many benefits of membership. However, I did not sell any GORO. As you can see, the stock went gangbusters to the upside. Try to figure it out and your melon will explode.

With my 50% cash position and poorly performing GSVC holding, I only made 0.18% today, taking my gains to about 15.5%, year to date. For my personal, I am loaded up with DECK and CRZO calls, as well as common in GSVC, VCLK and GORO.

Everything was going smoothly until a fucking IED detonated besides my hedonistic stretch limousine, sending “The Fly” vertical with his head on fire.

One of my larger holdings, GSVC, announced an offering of $100 million, in order to raise the stakes—using proceeds for private equity investments. For me, the story just got better, despite the dilution. This is to be expected. However, I did not anticipate an offering so soon. However, on the other hand, looking at the private equity boom, why wait? Obviously management is okay with taking a little short term pain for long term elation.

This doesn’t really set me back too much. Actually, I started buying GSVC in the $16’s. On this news, I added to my position and will be adding more, after I speak with management, providing they say the right things.

Aside from that, everything else is going swimmingly. This hiccup should serve as a reminder to stay diversified at all times. While this is blowing up, I have VCLK, GORO, CRZO, ANR and FORM shooting higher, not to mention my new position DECK performing admirably.

In short, yes, I still love GSVC because I am a greedy bastard and this is the best way to play the booming private equity market. Mike Moe knows his shit and I trust they will invest the money wisely.

UPDATE: I added to GSVC sub $17.

I started a new position in DECK and added to VCLK.

UPDATE: I added to GSVC sub $18 on the $100 mill offering news. Like I said in The PPT, this raises the stakes for GSVC and makes the model substantial. Longer term, this is a huge plus for the company, providing they invest wisely.

Disclaimer: If you buy the above stocks because of this post, the next time you crave a bowl of cereal, there will no milk in the refrigerator. And, you may lose money.

There is nothing for you to see here, other than “The Fly” SHOMPing around, playing the market with laser to your eyeball type of precision. I am long a variety of stocks, all making up just 50% of my assets. Into this rally, I intend to swap out of one holdings, in favor of another. It keeps the blood flowing and the energy peaking.

Playing the OVERSOLD/OVERBOUGHT ranges is the most important aspect of trading right now. Reason being: for the most part, all stocks move in a convoy. One down days, 80-90% of stocks trade lower and vice versa. The key to success is to know when to buy and sell. That’s called SHOMPing, something a person of your ilk and cabin class status may not be familiar with.

I have my top hat on and white gloves fitted onto my work free hands, cordially banking coin without regards for recessions or Chinese ghost cities. None of that shit means anything to me.

Back to SHOMPing.