THE PANIC OF 2012

By order of decree, the market has topped. The Federal Reserve has ordered the spigot of free flowing counterfeit money– flowing into the economy– to be shut. The majority of Congressmen are now long TVIXdicks and VXXtits, hedonistically eating grapes on the way to theatre.

As a result, European stocks got hammered today, lending to a full fledged panic out of US stocks, now off by a staggering 1.15%.

“The Fly” timed the market top to the minute by selling his VXXtits north of $20 and buying YELP at $21. The 7% appreciation enjoyed by his person is about to be seized by his local Congressman. The money will be transfeured [sic] to the Representative, so that he may conclude the proper renovations for his Georgian style mansion in the Washington DC area.

In short, the ‘Cocaine Chuck Wagon’ has been turned over by bandits. The Pinkerton men who were guarding the wagon where shot and killed and the treasure has been stolen. Said bandits are now running loose throughout your communities, laughing and drinking stupidly, wearing FAZ uniforms, shitting in plain site outside of crowded movie theatres.

This data is being hand delivered to you this evening, with a wax seal, from the confines of The PPT. You can thank me later.

GLD flagged OVERSOLD today on all of our algorithms.

Over the past 12 months, this signal has yet to fail when holding for 5 days or more.

For the record, there isn’t a single bear who has made money in this market since 2008. Having said that, it is imperative that you reserve your doomsday predictions for websites that cater to such things. I don’t have the time, nor the inclination, to address the mentally ill. I, unlike many of you, am trying to make money here.

It’s becoming a little frustrating on the long side, with the market bumping up against resistance. All of my bullet points about the economy are bearish. But I’ve been trained in lunacy to ignore what is real in favor of the mirage. I find myself living in a virtual world, where up is down and bad is rewarded with awards. It’s real easy to get sucked into the rabbit hole of negativity and it is slippery indeed. I try to remind myself that the market isn’t interested in trading lower. Providing I am invested in well to do companies, with better than average prospects, I should do fine.

It’s the lull before the storm that shakes people out, not so much the storm itself.

I am tempted to cut losses on a few ideas; but then I remember the reasons why I own them. Sometimes it pays to be patient. Other times patience is a waiting line for execution. Based upon recent history, I gather this sell off will not gain much traction. No one gives a fuck about QE2, as long as the economy is improving. You’d have to be a fucking lunatic to crave for more faux money, at a time when gypsum prices are on the rise.

I bought more YELP towards the end of the day because I am in accumulation mode. I have thick skin and an even thicker skull. The end of bears is nearing and this lull is nothing more than a snare, designed to capture and bleed out the remainder of you disgusting caricatures of life.

Wait for it.

I really want to buy a few stocks, like DDD, SSYS, KEG and RAX, but find myself fully invested. The little bit of cash I have left is reserved for crisis, knife jabs to the scrotum types of pin action. Nevertheless, I’ll find a way to buy what I want, when I want, with animal satisfaction.

The coxcombical nature of many of you make my job easy, disproving the flawed laws of gravity, showing the world the wonders of top shelf money management. My blog is read by many in the business of money management, professional hucksters, weavers of fallacy and misdirection. I take it upon myself, every single day, to teach you the ways of a gentleman, through example and by the superiority of my digital pen. Sadly, a great many of you fall by the wayside, only interested in doing gross commissions, little fee goblins, whilst swallowing large containers of lower to middle class beverages.

I can only do so much.

The mainspring of this post is to re-alert you to the fact that I am the Ajax of this financial blogging scene. You are the solar sector of blogging, while I am Apple, bowling on you fat fuckers until the cows come home.

As the day progresses, I will have more meaningful things to say. That is all.

Think about the possibilities. Print nuclear missile casings in your own home. Teenagers will print iPhone covers and perverts dildos. Without looking at the valuation or projected revenues, this is going to be huge.

There are two companies that I know of who specialize in 3-d printing: DDD and SSYS. DDD is set to launch their 3-d printer for retail on 4/10.

I want 40-50 points per day. I also want YELP to skyrocket, not for my own advancement, but to solidify steep losses in the accounts of those who sell it short.

Volume was light; but who gives a shit? The way I see it, the market is good until mid-May. I will make sure to be out of stocks by the end of April. So, in many regards, this is it! I need to take my +19% and segue it into a +30% by May. The way I figure, I can eek out another 2-3% from May through September, then drive rail spikes through the heads of my enemies from October to New Year’s eve.

I intend to make at least 50% this year. If I fail to do so, on the eyes of Woodshedder, I will resign from Blogfather at iBankCoin and live out the remainder of my life in the green and rocky hills of Romania, tending to goats and drinking un-pasteurized milk and shit.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j7VD5UpAXPo

The train has left the station. Early weakness has been met with a food fight, courtesy of the bulls. Now the bears have AAPL’s lodged in their throats, desperate to cover their shorts before this gets serious.

Don’t believe in the conspiracy theory that the market can trade down. That type of propaganda is designed to fleece you of your natural rights to succeed and live rich, fat and piggishly off the tits of the Federal Reserve. Whenever I see stocks trading down, I run to the fridge and make a sandwich, then wait for stocks to come back and get rich again. It’s real easy to make money, just wait.

Now if you’re buying dumb stocks and get your fucking arms blown off, don’t get mad at me. Quit being a 1 star general and start investing your money like a Congressman.

I’m gonna make so much money my fucking face is gonna get numb from the blood rush. My arms will start, involuntarily, punching people in the face again–kicking people in wheeled chairs into traffic, slapping communists in the face with hot hot slices of pizza.

Top picks: YELP, BID, CLR

Basic materials have been weak over the past month. Doing a quick scan inside of The PPT, I searched for stocks with market caps over $500 million, up 10%+ year to date and down 10%+ over the past month.

Here are the results.

Well, if you were waiting for a dip, there you go.

Back in 1998, I was a hardcore piker, opening new accounts for idiot brokers. In my personal account, joint with Mom (shamed), I had an early AMER position building, which later turned $6k into $250k. I was on the verge of greatness and didn’t even know it.  Without a doubt, 1998 was the low point for “The Fly’s” career, nearly checking out of the business in exchange for a salaried position at Schwab, dealing with the perplexities of supporting a family on zero income for 4 consecutive months. One year later, after paying down $35k in credit card debt, I was fucking bowling on pikers, securing an office at my firm and a staff of junior brokers, even though they were older than me.

Here is the month to month  returns for 1998. Repeat?

January +1.29%

February +6.93%

March -0.89%

April +1.27

May -2.08%

June +4.25%

July -1.35%

August -14.12%

September +6.36%

October +8.11%

November +5.55%

December +6.51%

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XWDoMoprjmE

“Tying the knot is the ceremonial bliss of the soul-mated bud and leaf. A delicate union, this is a ‘meant to be’ tea found 2,000 feet atop the famed Yunling Mountain Range of China then hand rolled into a coil of sacred perfection. Gold and black intertwine as one, creating a unique copper hue with sweet honey notes singing legendary declarations of devotion.”

Upon my last visit to Teavana, where Mrs. Fly concluded her monthly duty of procuring $200 of tea for our pantries, I chatted with the sales clerk about the superiority of Earl Gray and how its bergamot undertones basically reduced the other teas in his store to boxes of feces. Laughing mightily, in his gayish ways, he disagreed. As a matter of fact, he rather insisted that I purchase even more tea to prove his point. Startled and taken aback– by this bold maneuver from a clerk clad in a chinese man costume– I agreed.

Smugly, he waved a large metallic box cover over the large box of tea he was holding– to direct the aromas to my direction. Embarrassed by the spectacle, I quickly agreed with satisfaction and paid for the tea.

When I got home, Mrs. Fly yelled at a very loud decibel that she was, indeud, preparing tea. She’d boil up the water and pour hers into a plunger filled with herbal crap and mine in the majestic Earl Gray. She scurried over to my office and placed a giant iBankCoin mug onto my desk; but it looked different. Typically, the milk dilutes my tea enough to give it a light brown colour. But this tea was far darker and ominous looking. It was quite intimidating, if I might say so myself.

I took a sip.

WOW!

Much to my amusement and chagrin, Mrs. Fly had inadvertently or insidiously, brewed me a cup of Copper Knot Hongcha tea!, fetched from off-reach parts of “poor as fuck” China for my pleasure–the very same tea that homosexual tea clerk had challenged me to try. I must admit, the delightfulness of this tea cannot be described with a single blog post, or any post for that matter. Nevertheless, I report to you with the most dire of tones, THE EARL GRAY TEA HAS BEEN PLACED IN THE BACK OF THE PANTRY, for the time being.