Good News Everyone: We’re In a Recession

Well not technically, but the GDP numbers came in at -1%. God willing, Q2 will come in negative too, paving the way for even higher stock prices. Don’t even attempt to try to understand how futures are higher on this news, as up is down and down is up. It’s been this way for half a decade. All I know is this: Tupac Shakur was a great man.

You have to read the responding police officers account of Tupac’s final moments on this god forsaken planet.

“I grab the car door and I’m trying to open it, but I can’t get it open,” he says. “[Knight] keeps coming up on my back, so I’m pointing my gun at him. I’m pointing it at the car. I’m yelling, ‘You guys lay down! And you, get the f**k away from me!’ And every time I’d point the gun at him, he’d back off and even lift his hands up, like ‘All right! All right!’ So I’d go back to the car, and here he comes again. I’m like, ‘F**ker, back off!’ This guy is huge, and the whole time he’s running around at the scene, he’s gushing blood from his head. Gushing blood! I mean the guy had clearly been hit in the head, but he had all his faculties. I couldn’t believe he was running around and doing what he was doing, yelling back and forth.”

Carroll says when he finally was able to open the door, Shakur’s limp body fell out of the vehicle, “like he was leaning against the door.”

“So I grabbed him with my left arm, and he falls into me, and I’ve still got my gun in the other hand,” he continues. “He’s covered with blood, and I immediately notice that the guy’s got a ton of gold on — a necklace and other jewelry — and all of the gold is covered in blood. That has always left an image in my mind. . . After I pulled him out, Suge starts yelling at him, ‘Pac! Pac!’ And he just keeps yelling it. And the guy I’m holding is trying to yell back at him. He’s sitting up and he’s struggling to get the words out, but he can’t really do it. And as Suge is yelling ‘Pac!,’ I look down and I realize that this is Tupac Shakur.”

Carroll says he attempted to get a “dying declaration” of a potential suspect from Shakur, but the rapper was ignoring him at first.

“And then I saw in his face, in his movements, all of a sudden in the snap of a finger, he changed,” he says. “And he went from struggling to speak, being noncooperative, to an ‘I’m at peace’ type of thing. Just like that. . . He went from fighting to ‘I can’t do it.’ And when he made that transition, he looked at me, and he’s looking right in my eyes. And that’s when I looked at him and said one more time, ‘Who shot you?’. . . He looked at me and he took a breath to get the words out, and he opened his mouth, and I thought I was actually going to get some cooperation. And then the words came out: ‘F**k you.’ After that, he started gurgling and slipping out of consciousness.”

In other news, TSN is bidding for HSH. It appears there will be a bidding war for that pathetic company , between Tyson and Pilgrim’s Pride. I find it interesting how the suppliers of food are doing decidedly better than the grocers. I can only surmise the producers are successfully passing cost along to the grocers and the grocers are unable to raise prices at the stores.

Bottom line: heading into today’s trade I was optimistic about further gains in JAZZ and XON. After these deliciously negative GDP numbers, I am even MOAR optimistic.

Costanza trade-style.