Twitter Has Topped!

All of you Twitter chasers should now shift your focus away from it and to RBCN. Why not? The stock is extraordinarily undervalued, based upon a futuristic, hypothetical business of course. Or, if RBCN is a little too dicey for your taste, why not plunge your chopped sticks into the YY noodle soup? I hear it’s delicious.

Now that the market is up 30%, I have to deal with market geniuses, who happen to have money under my management. Men with bad haircuts and stupid ties telling me where to set stop losses and how being +100% for the year “just isn’t good enough.” There is a comeuppance coming and it’s just around the corner. All of you bold and jejune types will feel the wrath of Mother Market, in all of her glorious correcting ways.

I think it makes sense to start moving sideways, like a crab, away from the market. The sort of euphoria we are witnessing in 3-D stocks, and Twitter, as well as a dozen or so chinese burrito stocks, is unsustainable. The broad consensus is to be long because stocks cannot go lower, a dangerous way to think about speculation indeed.

Even still, I’ve been fully invested, as well as leveraged, for more than 9 months now. I cannot find it in my black heart to sell just yet, since I am hoping for the Gods of speculation to visit some of my holdings before the year is done.

Might I interest you in a little OWW or LITB?

As he attends to this or that, might I entertain you with one of the best moments in cinema history?

I was up another 2.5% today, thanks to BALT. Owning close to 1 million shares, I can tell you that this pagan Xmas was rightfully bountiful. My only wish is to see the shares down a little from current levels. Bear in your small minds, BALT is the very best of the dry bulk shippers, having the very best balance sheet and market position, tethered to spot rates instead of charter.

Many of you don’t know it yet. But I bet you’re starting to pay me some mind, being that the shippers are the very best and most fashionable stocks out of all the stocks publicly traded right now.

NOTE: On Friday evening, I will be unveiling the new GARP index, for The PPT, exclusive to members and for private eyes only.

I bought more LITB and started a position in ANGI.

If for no other reason than vanity, I’ve decided to buy large quantities of SHLD. As a man, I despise Eddie Lampbert (sp?) and wish him the very worst tidings any man could offer. However, as an investor in speculative wares, there are few stocks on the market that offer the sort of upside that SHLD offers right now.

Everyone is laughing at the former Dow component, as the shares swoon in the $40’s, offering its investors nothing but coal this festive holiday season. The rationale to buy SHLD here is one of as crazy man, which is exactly why I am adding size to it morning.

To raise funds, I sold out of the remainder of my GIMO position, disgusted by its lack of momentum and proclivity of wasting my time. If I told you I wasn’t tempted to grab the cash and stick it on the sidelines for the remainder of 2013, I’d be lying. We all have our vices. Even though I am up nearly 70% for the year, I find it impossible to cower on the sidelines, waiting for a better opportunity to run along.

Aside from SHLD, I added to both LITB and RBCN positions.

I recall the top of the NASDAQ as if it was yesterday. Brokers running about, buying B2B internet stocks. Pikers making fortunes. And sales assistants were banking six figures because they managed a bunch of brokers who were doing 100k+ per month. For me, the New Years of 1999 was the epitome of hedonistic decadence, with the world on edge over absurd Y2K fears and the NASDAQ up 100% for the year.

Life was the very best before the end, the anti-climatic end to a period of extraordinary excess. A period when the local tailor would solicit about the brokerage firm, fetching thousands of dollars in gaudy shirt and tie sales. If it was a good month, some naive brokers, such as myself, would buy a suit or two.

The shoe shine boy and the barber downstairs both had 6 figs in the market and I was a millionaire at the age of 23, until it all ended.

Heading into the New Year’s, I cannot help to feel reminiscent over the year 1999. There are many similarities between 1999 and today, especially when looking at how easy the market has been, up every single month since August.

If this is “the end” and this is 1999, expect a weak January and a most spectacular February, followed by a top in March, one of the ages. It’s juvenile to believe history is going to repeat itself so quickly; but I thought it would be useful to know that the NASDAQ was up 19.03% in February of 2000 and fell 75% from summit–but no one knew it at the time and everyone had a hot tip and sure fire way to make another million, until they didn’t anymore.

May this pagan holiday bring you great fortune disguised as presents. Enjoy the festivities, in all of its unparalleled gluttony. While at the dinner table this evening, give thanks, as you toss thousands of dollars in gifts to the innocent children. Seeing the look in their eyes, as they idly discard the vast majority of your gifts, just so that they could open the one gift they will cherish most, makes pagan X-mas totally worth it.

As for The Fly: he will be partaking in a mulled wine adventure of sorts, drinking enough to stop 10 men in their tracks, all for the sake of joy. I shall devour healthy quantities of seafood and tell jokes by the fireside, as the other patrons at my mother’s house gawk around for something to do.

The ships are doing quite well this morning, this time led by DRYS. Capes are up again and it’s only a matter of time before BALT breaks Jennifer’s neck. Hopefully we can all enjoy such a spectacle by the New Year’s; another great day of boozing and snoozing lies just around the corner.

If you’re wondering “what’s this nonsense all about?” confused about stocks, women and other fine delicacies, I will tell you now.

CHINESE LOTTERY, this time literally as per company description.

I must be shoving off now. Ten thousand golf claps for the readers of iBankCoin for making this place the very best and fashionable domain in all of the internets. I tip my hat and glass in your honour, gingerly spilling some mulled wine all over mother’s prized rugs.

Merry X-mas to my east and west coast heathens and Merry Christmas to everyone else.

Shut up, at once, you stupid vagrant!

I made another 1.6% today and schemed amongst my associates to make more. For those of you who are brand new, rookie, punks to this market, tomorrow is half day, a time of year when Santa Claus himself sleds over the faces of the unfortunate.

I intend to make fat gains amidst thin trading.

Try this at home if you dare. Just know, the SPY is barely up 1% for the month of December, which means “The January Effect” is right on schedule to punch the faces off of anyone in the way. Please pardon my violent demeanor, for I was raised in the sewers of Brooklyn, dodging bullets and knife jabs on my way to school.

Top picks: BALT, DRYS, RBCN, YY

I started a new position in YY, with some proceeds from GIMO sales.

I am eying stocks with big short positions and approaching 52 week highs. I am betting capitulation is just ’round the corner in many of these names.

I missed out on one trade mentioned today in The PPT, with XONE. It has spiraled higher since. I have another on deck and will buy it, providing I am able to free up some funds.

Bottom line: I am up another 1.5% today and BALT is on the move. Two of my dark horse plays, RBCN and GIMO, are showing potential too.

I can’t complain, even though I want to. I see stocks up 9% for the session and get jealous that I do not own them. But that’s an awfully childish way to think about one’s investments, is it not? I can’t go around, like a spoiled brat, pouting for only being up 1.5% instead of 9%, can I?

I most certainly cannot, nor can you feel the right to display indignation in these halls and question anything that I say to you. One doesn’t take charity and good fortune for granted. You are both fortunate and the recipient of my charitable donations by allowing you to read this site, a place of great literature, second to only the Library of Alexandria.

Good tidings.