The City Square Rumbles With the Sound of Medieval Machinery

The city square was buzzing with onlookers, as the dick-guillotines were dragged and pushed to the center of the city. One by one, short sellers of all kinds were rounded up by law abiding citizens and placed inside of ‘penis liberators’, all the while the good tax payers of the city threw cabbage, garbage and bales of hay at the accused.

I sat there with pen and pad, and nothing more than a cup of tea to keep me warm. The weather was furious, well below negative 40 degrees fahrenheit–but the crowd of city tax payers and members of the great working class union behaved with the same zeal as a vacationing pleb somewhere in the tropic of capricorn. It was mandated long ago by our leader, Benjamin Bernanke, that ‘any and all short sellers shall be castrated and pushed from fertile lands, outcasted by society and labeled pariah by all who are good and just.’

NOTE: A portrait of the days events can be seen here.

Top picks: JRCC, EXK, HMC

I’m very ritualistic about the new year and make it a point to hit the ground running with winning picks. Truth is, I’ve taken all of my research and put it on the back burner until this fiscal cliff shit is over with. I ended up 11% for 2012, falling flat on my face in December, shedding almost 10% for the month. Had the year ended in November, I’d be a champion today. Instead, I’m a fucktard with an underperforming investment track record.

The gains that I enjoyed from 2006-2010 can no longer be referenced after underperforming the tape for two consecutive years (I was +6% in 2011). I don’t make New Year’s resolutions; I’ll leave that to the fat asses. But 2013 is a do or die year for me, in a variety of ways.

First, I need to establish a very strong pimp hand early, in order to shut people up. That means I need to be right and often, preferably in grandiose fashion. After I make my gains, I need to keep them by utilizing a proprietary asset diversification plan that I concocted many years ago. I have no choice but to implement such a plan, since I can no longer trust my animalistic instincts to preserve wealth any longer.

Following yesterday’s romp in the markets, we are very close to overbought territory, not exactly an ideal time to invest money. However, a lot depends on the retarded deal coming out from Washington, which will most likely take the path of least pain. Meaning: prepare to see the dollar drop, precious metals rise and stocks do well.

I’m so fucking pessimistic right now I’ve chewed myself to the other side to optimistic. If the market wants higher, I’m not going to fight it.

NOTE: Since MAXIMUS had to resign from the interim tabbed blogger position, due to family concerns, Elizamae was appointed interim interim tabbed blogger.

This will be in random order, as I am unable to quantify the true value of human beings at this time. It should be noted that the true utility of Twitter, for me, is to use it for real time news. To that end, I follow hundreds of news agencies and reporters. Howsoever, for sheer amusement, I do enjoy the following people to exercise the utility of laughter. NOTE: this list does not include the mandatory follows of the iBankCoin staff, which are located at the top of site.

@The_Real_Hmmm

@GapandYap

@KeithMcCullough

@Zerohedge

@TheStalwart

@Nouriel

@Jeffmacke

@EricJackson

@Urbanenglish

@SorenMacbeth

@Vcutrader

@Reformedbroker

@UpsideTrader

@BeccyMeehan

@Cr3dit

Under different circumstances I would offer a brief description of each person to help illuminate as to why I follow them. However, considering the fact that I am still drunk from last night, I am going to leave it up to your imagination.