TRAGEDY HITS CAPITAL MARKETS: HIDE THE KIDS; SELL THE HOUSE

In the event this is the real deal, once again, go raise some cash and live to fight another day. It does not matter what your percentage losses are; they can always get worse. While, at the moment, I am not advocating any short positions; I am telling you to get the fucking cocaine out of your ears son and remember Lehman.

Go ahead and remember last year, when you were shitting the shower and pissing the closet. Your losses were so huge, so massive, part time work at Target seemed inevitable. Fast forward one year and here you are sucking grapes down your stupid neck, while feeding the local birds toxic doses of high grade fertilizer—rightfully so.

I am looking at my position sheets and it vexes me to no end that I did not lock in last weeks wins. Instead, I sit here, getting beat over the head with a homo-hammer, while the rest of you trade yourselves stupid.

Look, this is what I am planning:

If the weakness continues, for downside protection, I will initiate some downside index hedges. And, I will sell a little more, just to make myself feel all warm and cuddly at night. In addition, I am building a watchlist of stocks worthy of purchase, particularly on dips. Lastly, I will execute all of my plans methodically, rushing nothing—since I have a lifetime to bank coin.

Look at ACADIA Pharmaceuticals Inc. [[ACAD]] . Let that be a reminder to you biotech lovers; they are nothing more or less than small ticking time bombs readying to blow your arms off. Hence, I rarely buy or sell biotech stocks, mainly because I like my arms.

Commercial Re stocks are getting gunned down today—rightfully so. It is very tempting to sell short some Kimco Realty Corporation [[KIM]] and The Macerich Company [[MAC]] here. However, I made a commitment: no selling short while the crazy men are saving the world. With that being said, it’s not a bad idea to have cash on the sidelines. For a little more than 2 weeks, I’ve been sitting with (give or take) a 30% cash position. By the looks of this market, I should have sold more.

At any rate, American International Group, Inc. [[AIG]] is spooking the market today; but who gives a shit? The market needs a little fear, in order to squash the complacency and give the buyers some decent discounts. With my money, I will be buying Sonus Networks, Inc. [[SONS]] , Tesoro Corporation [[TSO]] , Holly Corporation [[HOC]] , Sunstone Hotel Investors, Inc [[SHO]] and General Cable Corporation [[BGC]] on dips.

Let this be a warning to you euro/asia-trash GQ type: America is going to rob you stupid, through various means—whether it be through war, famine or some sort of fucked up hybrid aids flu virus. Moreover, we look forward to exploiting the cheap labor pools in South East Asia, or the North for that matter. Drug traffickers are more than welcome to flood our streets with heroin, providing it keeps the proletariat docile.

Through unchecked greed and outright carelessness, we got ourselves into a pickle jar—one year ago today. Since then, we have borrowed more money than the world has ever seen, just to keep the party going a little longer—just to placate the present power structure. Fuck the future.

Some people say America will pay dearly for borrowing so much money and for not producing anything. To those people, I implore you, take a look at our Navy and Airforce. It will take China 100 years to match our current forces. By then, our hooks will be so deep into our enemies necks; they will have no choice but to obey us.

So, laugh at us all you want for making fucked up cars and bullshit blenders; we own you—despite making nothing.

This message was brought to you by a proud owner of U.S Treasury notes.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=klcOJbIgEGw 616 500]

Fuck China and their stupid stock exchange. I will start following China’s lead, once I am the proud owner of a Nike sweat shop. Until that happens, which is inevitable, “The Fly” will bet against the ham and eggers, who find themselves long assholish amounts of [[FAZ]] .

Aside from my opinions, you need to pay attention to your own feelings. If a stock “feels” bad, dump it. Throw it into a bonfire and walk away. The problem with trying to wait out a stubborn market is the prospect that it can destroy you. Slow drip markets, like this one, will massacre your checking accounts and send you and your family into soup kitchens. Remember, stocks are for asshats. Just because you have been moderately successful in sucker punching Mother Market, don”t think she won’t cut your balls off the next time she catches you.

With that in mind, I sold out of my Level 3 Communications, Inc. [[LVLT]] position today, despite liking the long term fundamentals. It felt like shit; therefore, I flushed it.

As you know, I added to my Sonus Networks, Inc. [[SONS]] position, which at the moment, is the #1 recommendation from the shadow on the wall— near my favorite urinal. That guy is on fucking fire.

Finally, I hate Flotek Industries, Inc. [[FTK]] and wish death upon the person who invented that bastard of a company. If I could go back in time, which I most certainly can, I’d throw the fetus of the future founder of Flotek, into a pile of knife wielding Jack in the Boxes.

UPDATE: As you’ve probably noticed, we’ve placed “hover charts” on ticker symbols throughout the site. Needless to say, they’re fucking boss; but in order to take advantage of this great new functionality, you must (regrettably) install MSFT’s Silverlight platform.

Good news is, it’s free, easy to install (http://www.microsoft.com/silverlight/get-started/install/default.aspx), and works with all modern browsers. [Note: by “modern,” I do not mean Lynx and its ilk. If you’re one of the dishonourable ingrates who enjoys this Godly site via the rustic charm of a UNIX shell, know that, from this moment on, you and your (immediate) family are BANNED FOR LIFE from iBankCoin. Good day.]

I bought 10,000 Sonus Networks, Inc. [[SONS]] @ $2.09.

Disclaimer: If you buy SONS because of this post, the next time you are in an elevator, the cables will snap. And, you may lose money.

Today’s sell off is no different that the previous 10, which were met with frenzied buying sprees. Personally, I am waiting for overall PPT score to hit the 2.20’s, prior to adding more cash to this market. Historically, the market has bottomed, whenever the overall score hit 2.25 and below.

As an aside, “The Fly” is quite busy today, drinking large quantities of coffee, produced by the good folks down in Brazil. So you know, I enjoy drinking coffee from various places of origin, with marked exception to Russia. Their coffee sucks dick.

Thus far, The House that Gore built aka “global warming” has been an abject failure, unable to produce a single “killer ‘cane” in the Gulf of Mexico this summer. What kind of shit is that? Are we so far gone that we are now entering a new ice age? If so, I look forward to banking some coin off some egregious avalanches.

Finally, now is a great time to build a watchlist of stocks, hopefully with The PPT, for future purchase. Embrace the sell off, like a blanket laced with small pox, and soon enough you too will own casinos TAX FREE.

Some people told you to “go away in May.” Others said “the summer will fuck up your portfolios.” Now, those same people bring you a featured presentation called “September Will Rape You.”

Brought to you by the good folks who invented the credit crisis: September is being hyped up as some sort of jack in the box for investors; whereby when the music ends, it jumps out and punches you in the face with a knife.

Believe you me, I’ve played with this organic jack in the box before and it never misses. So, with that in mind, get your 3d glasses ready and prepare to enjoy the show.

Barron’s published a “hit piece” on the refiners, this past weekend, hitting my Tesoro Corporation [[TSO]] , Holly Corporation [[HOC]] and Western Refining, Inc. [[WNR]] positions. And, oil is getting fucked up something awesome this morning, effectively tossing the market into a garbage truck filled with only jack in the boxes.

With my money, I will sit tight and wait for this little sell-off to pass, then load the fuck up on Sonus Networks, Inc. [[SONS]] , Starent Networks Corp. [[STAR]] , Tesoro Corporation [[TSO]] and General Cable Corporation [[BGC]] . I WILL NOT short this decline, despite having loads of idle cash just sitting here eating pretzels.

The stupid Chinese are enjoying a 5% dump-out, while the rest of Asia just (sort of) sits around eating pretzels and rice cakes.

In other words, nothing to see here; go fuck yourselves.

You don’t even have to buy stocks; just go drink yourself into a stupor.

So you know, “The Fly” will be inebriated shortly, all thanks and praise to the beer Gods.