Life as a Retiree is Grand

What the fucking is going on?

How can our government officials be so stupid? Or, are they complicit?

Ken Lewis, CEO of BAC, has been spending money like a dog in a bone shop on acquisitions, and other stupid shit. But now he needs a bailout? Even worse, our government gives it to him like it’s no big deal.

Here you go Ken. Do us a favor and try to keep the bonuses under $10 billion in ’09, ok?

Thanks. This is one fuck of a great country to live in, providing you are into fleecing and other degenerate activities.

As you know, “The Fly” has only 10% of his money invested, at the present. It’s really nothing, with longs and shorts offsetting each other. Hell, I could do whatever the fuck I want and not worry about my face being ripped off.

I am a free man.

That’s right, I am free to throw hot tea out my office window, on the revelers below. Or, I can take long naps or watch non-financial television.

For the love of large vats of acid, I could go on vacation!

Life without the stock market has been fantastic, thus far.

As for the markets:

I think oil can bounce a little here, with t-bills selling off and the dollar getting raped. If I am so inclined, I may nibble on some UCO or DXO. However, do not misconstrue my bullish position on $35 crude for full fledged lunatic bullishness on oil stocks. Again, their businesses are impaired. They will, eventually, go much, much lower.

Today, I expect the market to bounce, led by short squeezes in banks and possibly oils. If I were an investor or had millions of dollars in equities, I would NOT be a buyer of stocks, ahead of Obama’s inauguration.

Instead of fucking around with stocks, go eat a meatball hero, with mozarella and a little marinara sauce.

Top pick: cash

Off to take a nap. Wish me luck!

Gov’t gives BAC 138 billion big ones.

In other news, if BAC did not get your money, John Thain would have missed out on a huge investment banking payday, for brokering the BAC for MER deal. That would have been a shame, for that cock sucking scum bag mother fucker.

The good news is: BAC gets to acquire MER. If they were not able to complete the deal, without a doubt, the entire planet, as we know it, would have been sucked into a great void—lost for good.

I am not in the market. I have no real positions to speak of—just stupid ancillary bullshit.

Let it be known, when the market was printing the lows of the day, The PPT ranks were moving up in score. I was confused. Hell, I thought for sure the scores would be at new lows. However, instead, they were showing signs of strength, which was entirely opposite from what the market was showing.

With all of the bullshit in the market, coupled with the information coming out of The PPT, I blew out of most my positions—long and short—near their intraday highs. Another Fly win.

Anyway, we are not out of the woods yet. And, I am sure there is a rally or two left, prior to the ultimate mind numbing unscheduled decline, which is inevitable. But, let it be known, “The Fly” has, pretty much, retired from this stock game. I have had enough of this shit, quite sincerely.

Hell, if I am going to go out, I might as well do it while on top, no?

I am within 10% of my all-time highs, which was accomplished during the fun days of November, 2008. I will hit that cock sucking number, then vanish, like a thief in the night, never to be seen of or heard from again.

The Legend of “The Fly” will make its circles around the filthy coffee machines down on Wall Street. Piker brokers will talk of such a Godly investor, like rap fans speak of Tupac or Biggie Smalls.

The internet will search far and wide for Senor Tropicana. However, he will be nowhere to be found, since he will be living on some backwards island, sipping on hard liquor, just south of America. Maybe he will become a Jamaican. Who knows, mon?

Here are some stats from PPT:

Market Overview
Average Technical Score: 1.54 Strong Sell
Average Fundamental Score: 3.67 Buy
Average Hybrid Score: 2.43 Sell

PPT Top 10 (no market cap screen)

No. Ticker Technicals Fundamentals Hybrid Score Hybrid Change – Daily Hybrid Change – Weekly
1 ESI 4.64 3.80 4.29 23.28% -11.08%
2 CECO 4.24 4.25 4.25 21.43% -0.56%
3 APOL 4.09 4.20 4.13 14.40% -0.96%
4 CWT 3.89 4.45 4.13 19.71% 18.68%
5 ASEI 4.19 3.95 4.09 19.59% 5.14%
6 DLTR 3.79 4.40 4.05 25.00% 14.57%
7 MANT 3.74 4.30 3.98 15.03% 23.99%
8 GXDX 3.89 4.00 3.94 2.34% 56.35%
9 AVAV 3.79 4.05 3.90 30.00% 19.05%
10 EMS 3.54 4.35 3.88 2.11% 25.16%

PPT Top ETF’s

No. TickerAcc/Dist Price Perf. Rel. Strength Volatility Volume Final Score
1 DTO 5 5 5 5 3 4.64
2 BIV 5 4 5 1 5 4.46
3 SCO 5 5 2 5 5 4.29
4 DEE 5 5 5 3 1 4.14
5 UUP 5 4 4 1 3 3.94
6 AGG 5 4 5 1 1 3.79
7 BSV 5 4 5 1 1 3.79
8 REW 5 4 1 5 5 3.79
9 SSG 5 4 1 5 5 3.79
10 CIU 5 4 5 1 1 3.79

PPT Top Sectors

No. Industry Tech. Fund. Hybrid Hybrid Change – Daily Hybrid Change – Weekly
1 Education & Training Services 2.90 3.59 3.19 15.54% -6.08%
2 Home Health Care 2.22 4.30 3.09 5.48% 3.48%
3 Drug Stores 2.27 4.05 3.01 6.59% 15.73%
4 Consumer Services 2.09 4.09 2.93 6.88% 0.66%
5 Industrial Equipment Wholesale 1.88 4.27 2.88 8.58% 1.42%
6 Water Utilities 2.21 3.79 2.87 8.29% -1.13%
7 Defense/Aerospace 1.72 4.35 2.82 5.84% 1.88%
8 General Contractors 1.76 4.24 2.80 8.67% -6.43%
9 Industrial Equipment & Components 1.55 4.49 2.79 6.62% 0.43%
10 Healthcare Information Services 2.23 3.55 2.78 11.98% 2.08%

(Note: only 3 of 198 sectors are ranked a “buy”)

PPT Bottom 10 (Price screen over $10)

1 SBAC 1.29 17.59
2 IPI 1.54 19.64
3 RGC 1.62 10.03
4 CCI 1.63 18.10
5 UAUA 1.65 11.10
6 CCE 1.66 11.40
7 CVC 1.67 17.92
8 JRCC 1.70 14.56
9 MA 1.70 129.51
10 NETL 1.70 21.04

PPT Bottom 10 Sectors

No. Industry Tech. Fund. Hybrid Hybrid Change – Daily Hybrid Change – Weekly
1 Silver 1.31 3.10 1.97 3.98% -8.11%
2 Semiconductor- Memory Chips 1.41 2.73 1.97 5.86% 0.50%
3 Auto Manufacturers – Major 1.20 3.07 1.97 4.86% -5.06%
4 Major Airlines 1.84 2.21 2.00 7.85% -9.81%
5 Publishing – Newspapers 1.37 2.93 2.03 8.34% -0.55%
6 Lumber, Wood Production 1.37 2.96 2.03 5.04% -0.86%
7 Residential Construction 1.37 2.96 2.04 4.94% -0.48%
8 Resorts & Casinos 1.31 3.05 2.04 4.75% -1.66%
9 Office Supplies 1.39 3.01 2.07 5.49% 1.52%
10 Movie Production, Theaters 1.46 2.97 2.09 3.67% 1.27%

Personally, I want to sell short Pacific Coast banks on a bounce, specifically PACW, PCBC, NARA, EWBC and CATY. And, I want to revisit my “fuck commercial Re” thesis, through sales of KIM, EQR, UDR, VNO, TCO and just plain O.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uirHqHbLJck&feature=channel_page 450 300]

I am done for the day. I nearby went to 100% cash. I will think this market through this evening, over a warm cup of Earl Grey tea, indeed. In the meantime, BEHOLD, “The Fly Show” episode #1.

Enjoy.

NOTE: Here is the post, pertaining to this clip.

Dennis Kneale is the mother of all asshats, betting homofied martinis for a bullish close. I mean really, how does the SEC allow CNBC to make such irresponsible remarks to such a large audience?

I say, offer them silver bracelets and an extended stay at Rikers Island.

Going into the final hours, it appears the bottom fishers are out and about, trying to jerk the market higher. However, I cannot get behind such trades, with the banks on the verge of catastrophic credit downgrades.

Basically, if you have to buy here, do yourself a favor and invest no more than 5% of your assets.

Take it easy. Get light, drink some crack cocaine and call it a day.

Personally, I am basking in my own glory. I am so Godly right now, I am radiating. With double digit gains year to date and a bountiful 60% cash position, “The Fly” has opted to start his own language and shit or start pronouncing words in a manner that pleases him—not society.

Words such as “Hello” can now be pronounced as “Heeloe. ” Or “ridiculous” can now be pronounced as “ryedickyouless.” You get my drift.

These are some of the imporant matters I am partaking in, while the market adds digits to my checking account.

UPDATE: I am selling most of my inverses here and covering all shorts, including VNO. I will hold 10% short, 5% long and 85% cash.

Developing…

Not to sound like our resident scholar, Devildog, but odds are we will swan dive into the close—thanks to BAC/C/BCS.

Let me clarify today’s moves:

I fucking hate inverse etf’s. Although, truth be told, I am rather enjoying them today. However, I made a committment to leg out of these fuckers when the time was right. Now, going into this mornings trade, more than 60% of my assets were tied up in these fucking bastards. Two weeks ago I was ready to laugh at funerals and cry at comedy shows because of my large inverse etf exposure. However, I grabbed my balls, when the time was right, and nearby tripled down on my positions, just prior to the current meltdown.

I have SRS from $49, FAZ from $35 and DUG from $22—just to name a few. Basically, I’d have to be out of my fucking mind not to lock in big year to date gains, within the first two weeks of the new year.

If you recall, last year I was up huge during the first two week of ’08 (more than 25%), only to give most of my gains back like a fucking imbecilic fucktard, thanks to the insane Jan-March rally.

My point: never underestimate your enemy. Right now, my enemy, for the most part, are most of you—since you are long stocks. Don’t lie. I know you are betting against me.

Bottom line: I don’t give two fucks and a gay fiddle about where SRS goes, after I sell it. This is the first month of 2009; quit trying to eat the cupboard bare all in one sitting, you fat fucks.

At the time of the post, “The Fly” aka Senor Tropicana aka Plutonium Petey aka HORATIO CLAWHAMMER was up more more than 13% year to date.

NOTE: At the close of trade, iBankCoin, in conjunction with other internet fucktards, will debut “The Fly Show” episode one.

How’s that funnel?

“The Fly” wins again.

Across the board, I sold or in the process of reducing my inverse etf positions by 50%. I am selling FAZ, north of $60, SRS north of $71, ERY north of $42, DUG north of $27, REW north of $84, SMN north of $44 and EEV north of $64.

In addition, I covered the entirety of my HANS position, just shy of $31. However, I am leaving both VNO and XOM shorts intact.

With today’s early morning move, my year to date gains are north of 10%. Although I think the market goes lower, common sense dictates that I lock in gains here.

UPDATE: A song for victorious bears.

Assholes, don’t miss your window to book profits and don’t think you will time the bottom perfectly with new upside positions. Take your gains and grin.

Look, if VNO is having trouble parting with some of its cash, paying 60% of its qt dividend in stock, the sector is in for huge investor backlash/share price depreciation/multiple compression.

First of all, issuing dividends in the form of stock is incredibly dilutive. Furthermore, the only reason why most people by reits is for their dividends. Expect to see a lot of VNO type deals and full blown dividend cuts, during the course of 2009.

Basically, the sector is about to lose a whole class of investor. The old dude down the block who needs yield to pay for his country club membership. Yeah that guy, he’s a fucking seller of IYR today.

Within the Reits, I want to be a net seller of VNO, SPG, BXP, KIM and SLG. Ideally, I would like to short them on a bounce.

Following the JPM report and impressive upside reversals in Europe this morning, I would not be surprised to see the lunatic fringe of the bull camp attempt to run the market up by 1% or so. However, be very careful of a head fake, especially with oil getting punched in the scrotum.

And, let’s not forget about potential crisis looming at BAC.

With my money, I will look to lock in some gains here and build my cash position to over 50%. I will not buy anything on a dip, including AAPL. My position is still extraordinarily bearish. But, at the same time, I don’t feel like pushing the envelope here. Maybe I am getting old or some shit.

Either way you slice it, the economy is fucked and the reits are fucked in a most egregiously unique way.

Needless to say, this is no time to be an asshole dip buyer.