iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
23,441 Blog Posts

Listen to Me You Fucking Idiots

Quit giving me financial advice in the comments section. God help me, I will track you down and have your eyebrows punched off.

I am not shorting here. Do you hear me, you fucking faggots?

The world is not ending. It’s all a big propaganda parade, spearheaded by space invaders who happen to be short National-Oilwell Varco, Inc. [[NOV]] and The Mosaic Company [[MOS]] .

If you know anything about the market, it is this: buy the blood. It is nonsensical to short stocks, down at these levels.

Next thing you know, magically, LIBOR rates come crashing down tomorrow and you bearshitters get your fucking heads handed to you.

I’m buying stocks at the close.

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53 comments

  1. Mark Haines is a fat slob
    Mark Haines is a fat slob

    You won’t even take investment advice from Mark Haines? I swear I won’t eat breakfast on the air while I dispense my invaluable advice. Come in closely, while I whisper it in your ear. …. here it is … go long cereal bars.

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  2. charlie

    Buy FXP at the close

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  3. The Fly

    Charlie is on the list.

    Who’s next?

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  4. The Fly

    Right. That makes sense.

    Are there any smart people on the interwebs today?

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  5. neil young

    hey hey….my my…according to the fly …soooomebody is ready to diiiiieee

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  6. Eye No U

    Don’t buy this mkt. Don’t buy it until Friday close. That’s when the liquidation in front of the Lehman CDS settlement dries up. Trust me. EYE NO.

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  7. 2nd prize, set of steak knives

    “Do you hear me, you fucking faggots?”

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TROhlThs9qY

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  8. TED spread your pussy
    TED spread your pussy

    Hey fly,

    Are you buying commodity stocks on the close (i.e. NOV and MOS)?

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  9. Gio

    not sure what longs i’d take, but it looks good to short FXP and SKF here. If market goes up 150 points, both will be down more than -12%

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  10. recusancy

    I think Charlie was kidding. (I hope)

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  11. Yogi & Boo Boo

    Hey Mark, (if that’s really your name) I saw you stuffing your face 2 night’s ago on air. What’s that about? Don’t they give you breaks and shit?

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  12. Mark Haines is a fat slob
    Mark Haines is a fat slob

    Yugi and Doo Doo,

    Back off. I’m fat. I know it. Bear markets make me hungry.

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  13. Market Fool

    The rally monkey is clawing out of its cage

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  14. Paradigm Shift

    The entire planet now watches LIBOR like a porn movie. The central banks can “fix it” with a heavy hand.

    I am waiting patiently and nibbling on my buy list.

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  15. BOOMER

    I bought shit loads down here, jus a hunch

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  16. Mark Haines is a fat slob
    Mark Haines is a fat slob

    Keep that fucking monkey in his cage. Or, I might eat it.

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  17. Cluster-Fuck

    Listen here Mr. Doosh (notice the pointlessly intentional misspelling – why? – because I hate French people, notice again the pointless reference to another culture that in no way relates to the word’s literal origin, etc)

    “…fired into fields of string beans” was pure gold…otherwise, you and the rest of your twelve year old bloggers are coming up zilch, nothing, zero….

    yep, this is…whatta the kids call it these days…a real cluster-fuck

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  18. Mark Haines is a fat slob
    Mark Haines is a fat slob

    LIBOR? I think I ate some for breakfast.

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  19. BOOMER

    hells bells i am rocking the apple trade bot style

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  20. Eye No U

    Look people. Listen up. You CAN NOT buy this market in front of the Lehman CDS settlement. EYE NO.

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  21. Bob the Slob

    That Glengarry Glen Ross speech really picked me up.

    “It takes brass balls to sell real estate!”

    Fucking rights. I’m a buyer… every fucking thing I can find in sight.

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  22. Juancho

    (twiddles thumbs)

    Listen to Gio here, he’s got the scoop.

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  23. The Fly

    Cluster Fuck:

    Fuck off.

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  24. Prospectus

    LIBOR hasn’t budged. The TED spread is up as people run to T-bills. The credit markets don’t like the Govt cheese, which for all it’s pomp and circumstance has not started banks lending again. They’ll have to end up guaranteeing everything, and even then nobody will lend to each other because
    1 Everyone is still lying about their balance sheets
    2 Nobody has any capital anyway

    This is a tough situation, and I don’t know how they are going to resolve it. But they will have to force everyone to make their books transparent and they will have to create new capital somehow for almost everyone. I don’t see how the EuroZone will get out of this alive, and I fear for the dollar, but that’s “tin foil hat” level paranoia on my part.

    Either way, you can’t go long because the world is burning, and you can’t go short because of the cheese-makers and their damned intervention.

    I predict that until LIBOR drops and banks lend again, we will continue to trade lower on average. Stocks are for asshats, and an option contract a day keeps the margin clerk away. From you, anyway.

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  25. DEVILEDEGGS

    BETCHA WANT A RIDE IN MY CAMARO NOW, DONTCHA?

    SOON YOU’LL BE BEGGIN ME TO WASH IT JUST TO GET AT THE DORITO CRUMBS ON THE FLOOR!!!

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  26. The Fly

    central banks will force libor down.

    bank on it.

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  27. Itchy and Scratchy
    Itchy and Scratchy

    Fly’s tagline says “Armageddon is upon us.”

    I must have come to the wrong website.

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  28. Therapist

    Best thing to do, Fly, when you are furious, is to change Woodshedder’s front page for him.

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  29. The Fly

    Armageddon is only upon us when I am short, douchebag.

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  30. Erin Burnett's Booty Call
    Erin Burnett's Booty Call

    Fly is 100% right here.

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  31. The Fly

    Good idea.

    I’ll turn wood’s page into a fucking ghetto.

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  32. Danny

    yeah, I was pretty hyped on his old header, with the van.

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  33. Palin

    I will never cover SPG…that fucker is going to $40 in two years…commercial reits have lag effect especially retailers

    I have been heavily buying HOGS…long term play

    wtf can you short at this point…every chart looks like a trap…i will just stay relatively hedged

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  34. the Bull

    Long ROM here, the Fly is KING!

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  35. The Fly

    I am going to eat Tim Knight’s liver, when it’s all said and done.

    FULL DISCLOSURE: I haven’t visited his site since August.

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  36. Itchy and Scratchy
    Itchy and Scratchy

    This is spooky. Within minutes of Fly’s post the market appeared to bottom. Forgive me for doubting robed and sandled one.

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  37. The Fly

    Here. Here:

    “The Fly is KING OF THE INTERNETS”

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  38. The Fly

    Courrect [sic]

    The great robed and sandaled one is roaming his office, looking at Tim Knight’s blog, with great disdain.

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  39. Therapist

    I’m waiting for Woodshedder’s Bamboo System to give the buy signal.

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  40. RC

    rofl at Woodshedder comments.

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  41. The Fly

    ROFL @ ROFL

    It’s a self fulfilling prophecy.

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  42. These Colors Don't Run
    These Colors Don't Run

    How many cans of Monster have you had today fly?

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  43. Neil Sedaka

    Bennet Sedacca

    01:37:16 PM

    Position in GNMA’s

    Credit gets tatooed

    Everything from municipals to corporates to munis are getting unmercifully smashed.

    And the last thing that the market needs is another leg down in credit.

    But GNMA 6 1/2’s got close to 100 earlier, where we bought, but at +350 to the 5 year, one has to wonder what one has to get paid to buy almost anything.

    To be frank, everything seems cheap, but the questions in my mind are:

    * Who is left to buy?
    *
    Who is doing the selling?
    *
    Will year-end pressures smash em even more?

    So I am being opportunistic but remain cautious. Still.

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  44. Hairless Albino

    Fly is right.

    To say that the CBs can’t come up with some Merlin stunt overnight is playing with fire, which is anathema to those of us with light sensitivity.

    Even thought he can’t punch my eyebrows off anyway.

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  45. Keyser Soze

    For the love of god, please go back to Woodshedder’s original avatar.

    You know, the one of the unshaven redneck whose IQ is lower than his teeth count.

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  46. Bad News Bears

    Fly,

    Thanks for turning me on to Tim’s blog….

    ROFL

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  47. jig

    LOL, that was fucking awesome FLY. what are you going buying at the close?

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  48. jig

    sorry, i meant going to buy at the close..

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  49. Needle dick the bug fucker

    any one buying UYG down here

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  50. jig

    solid article if anyone cares:

    http://www.marketoracle.co.uk/Article6786.html

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  51. Needle dick the bug fucker

    picked up some UYG @ 10

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  52. Slopers Eat Flies
    Slopers Eat Flies

    Poor Fly, he gets it wrong again. Imagine how much he’s lost going long, as he was so confidently telling us all earlier this very week.

    He has such faith in dumb govt officials doesn’t he.

    He should follow Tim Knight’s advice on Slope of Hope, he gets every bounce and every fall spot on, and he isn’t an ASSHAT.

    Unlucky Fly, you make me laugh, but that’s all, you ignore the markets, and you clearly ain’t got a clue.

    Slopers rule ok!!

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  53. Mark Haines is a fat slob
    Mark Haines is a fat slob

    Hank Paulson is on with Kudlow now. I can’t tell which one is the bigger idiot. I am going to eat both of them for Breakfast. On the air, CNBC tomorrow morning. I will swallow them whole.

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