2012 Predictions

1. Crude oil past $120 by early January. Gasoline hits $3.20, pushing the cost at the pump in most places well over $4.00. Euro goes as high as 1.42-1.45…for no reason.
2. Manufacturing in Europe and Asia get a small reprieve from freed up credit, only to retrace lower in February as more expensive commodity prices cause input costs to ramp.
3. Home prices break trend and trade sideways through winter, causing a resurgence of speculation that the housing market has bottomed.
4. EMF engages in first round of monetary easing by March. Federal Reserve continues to use currency swaps rather than intervene directly.
5. Ireland becomes the first country to leave the EU in March. Cyprus, the Czech Republic, Malta, Lithuania, Slovakia and Slovenia all follow suit over the next year and a half to two years.
6. In March, all U.S. markets will have traded lower than where they are today, responding to the slowdown in business vis-à-vis crippling expenses.
7. Vladamir Putin reelected president of Russia in election he organizes, rigs, and dominates in March.
8. Crude oil tops in March. Goes to $66.60 by April-June.
9. Hungary admitted to the EU in April, to try and combat the perception of a breakup. Markets raise collective eyebrow.
10. Housing prices begin to tumble again in May
11. Some natural catastrophe hits in May somewhere. You’ll hear about it until at least mid-August. It won’t really affect you in any way though…unless you’re the one getting “catastropheed”.
12. Euro reverses in the Spring and hits 1.2 by August.
13. In June, Bruce “The Boss” Springsteen goes on tour for his typical, cliché Rock-The-Vote-Elect-Democrats jam fest.
14. Hugo Chavez dead in July
15. Euro debt begins to blow out again between July- September.
16. Syria puts down its population this summer, no consequences other than in blood.
17. China sees full scale economic hardship this year. It’s already happening, and they won’t admit it so no use putting a date on it, but this year the “China Fetish” and those who unceasingly pump those investments die a horrible death.
18. Ben Bernanke is fired in August, as Obama thinks it will help his reelection bid; the Fed will then be very unpopular from lingering unemployment coupled with higher costs of goods and services. (when do the Federal Reserve terms even formally end? I looked it up and they seem all over the map. I don’t even know if this is possible, but fuck it, it’s going to happen.)
19. Bruce Springsteen dies of massive heart attack in October. Probably shouldn’t have been trying to relive your 20’s, old man.
20. Barrack Obama reelected president of the United States of America. Who cares who he’s running against, the GOP right now is ball less. They should have had a front runner in September of this year.
21. GOP loses seats in the House, the Senate, and also sees serious give back in any local elections this year. But they hold a majority in the House, and still retain a positive growth in power of office over the past 2-3 years.
22. DOW 8,000 by December.
23. In December, Vladamir Putin will announce that he is actually a Cyborg sewn together from the remains of Vladamir Lenin, Joseph Stalin, and Beatle artist John Lennon. After Zombie Putin finishes a stunning rendition of “Yellow Submarine” he will announce that the USSR has returned, then launch all of the Soviet era nuclear warheads at Mozambique so that he can make room for the newer, better models.
24. iBankCoin test fires our new orbital cannon on Moscow, winning the war against Communism/Cyborg Zombies. A new age of iron oppression under Savior/Champion Fly begins.