Mission Impossible — Plus Help in Firing Your Investment Advisors (Happy Saturday Series 65 Retards)

I saw Mission Impossible last night and was a little perturbed that Hans Zimmer was not on the soundtrack. Even worse, it appears Lorne Balfe, the person who did the soundtrack STOLE from Mr. Zimmer’s style. You’ll notice the haunting “tick, tick, tick” melodies throughout the movie, something that Zimmer did effectively in the Batman movies.

Overall, it was a terrific movie and it lived up to the hype.

Before I head out today, I’m gonna do some research in Exodus — and perhaps sketch up some new tools to be added to it this Fall. My friends in the investment advisory business haven’t the slightest idea what they’re doing in the market and it always amazes me how intelligent business people think they need the help of 40-sometihng boozehounds to manage their money.

Here’s the top rated stocks in Exodus.

Want to trade? Pick a few of those and place stops at 10% below cost.

Want a longer term stratagem?

Here’s the stocks with the top Sharpe’s. Sort them out by sector and buy two in each one. There, now you have a diversified investment plan that will look identical to the shit your advisor is peddling to you.

Getting older, need to plan for retirement?

Simple. Buy some munis, AAA rated corporates, and some large cap dividend stocks to mesh with your portfolio. Your moron advisors will say your bond holdings should be equal in percentage to your age. If you’re 55, you should have 55% of your portfolio in bonds. He says this because he’s an idiot. No person should ever have more than 25% of his portfolio in bonds. I don’t care if said person is 100 years old.

Lastly, worried about junior and his college fund?

Simple. Set up some 529 plans or UGMAs/UTMAs and pay them like you would your electricity bill. Have them structured to follow the benchmarks and watch the assets grow to enormous amounts over time.

There, now I just saved you 1% management fees per annum and the trouble of having to deal with incorrigible advisors.

Reading this blog must lead to a great melancholy across the reader class of people, dispirited tea drinkers who’ve been struggling throughout life eating ham and cheese sandwiches. I want you to know, I do not know your plight. Le Fly is different from the lot of you — mind you. I’ve never known loss or setback and have been winning from birth.

Whilst some out there pretend to win a lot, I crave to lose. It is my curse, my burden, a great guilt that will haunt me until my death.

But I’ve read a lot and know the stories of how people got depressed after enduring set backs, the ephemeral height of euphoric victory slipping and slandering into the dark pits of morass. DO NOT FLEE young lads; wait for better terms!

Investment advisors getting BTFO today. Here are stocks with Sharpe scores above 2 — off by more than 3% for the session. pic.twitter.com/N9Juwf2yeb

— The_Real_Fly (@The_Real_Fly) July 27, 2018

Take some of you positions and reserve them. Remove some of your cash from that market, and reserve it. You’ll be okay in the end, especially because you’re under the direct guidance of a space alien magician (SAM).

A few basic tenets for you to follow.

Never start a position off larger than 5% of total assets. I don’t care if your account if $10k or $1,000,000. 5% max.

Rarely, if ever, average down. That’s simply throwing good money after bad.

Averaging up is what winners do.

Never hold true to your convictions. Read it again. The market will make an asshole out of you, get gay, and then — well you know what. Be trans-biased and feel free to change your identity whenever you want.

Never drink during the work week. It’ll cause you to be lethargic and retarded. Only boozehounds and people with substance abuse problems go to dinner and drink bottles of wine during the week. Extricate yourself from these people, for they are losers.

Last but not least, accept defeat gracefully, just like I accept victory — with honor and dignity.

And listen to a lot of Stan Getz.

Have a great weekend and be sure to check out my new web property for access to the Exodus algos.

Today's market in a picture: looked disgusting–nipples protruding–in a blue shirt before America. Very very disrespectful. pic.twitter.com/8glx7aFgb9

— The_Real_Fly (@The_Real_Fly) July 27, 2018

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It should be noted, I am literally the worst oil trader in the world. That being said, I stepped in and bought DRIP — because FUCK OIL.

Also, I was fortunate enough to sell SRAX into strength and booked a 9.5% profit as a result.

In short, 50% cash, long some tech and retail and TZA/DRIP.

Jog on.

***ALERT: NEW TO IBC: FREESTOCKALGOS.COM. Gain access to the rich and sophisticated algorithms inside Exodus, free from charge. Grade your stocks now.***

People think I’m crazy because I’m changeable. Yesterday I was threatening to mince bears into cubes and feed them to my dogs. Today I’m a bear. See how that works? The market is bigger than me. I am not JP Morgan circa 1920. Therefore, I must remain malleable to what it shows me.

Right now it is showing me shit. It has shown me shit for the better part of the past 3 weeks. I went on a terrific run and then I churned for the next 15 trades; and here I am — now full circle, 50% cash, long TZA.

Do I believe stocks will crash and continue lower? I honestly don’t think about it that much. Right now I am fixated with becoming a tier 1 chef, an artist of sorts in the kitchen, classically trained by the best Youtubers in the world.

Aside from that, I’m losing money — just like the lot of you.

What the fuck did you think this could last forever?

If you’re stuck and down, sell some stocks. They’re only stocks — not really a big deal. We can buy different stocks next week if the market shows us something.

In Exodus, I am stalking the tech sector and the most down. I’m also waiting for an Exodus oversold signal, which has been accurate in 80% of cases dating back to 2009.

I know, you have you’re own methods and I’m sure they’re retarded. Just know, no matter how much you think you know, no matter how many books you’ve read and seminars attended, you’ll never know more than me.

All of the empirical evidence that I’ve reviewed indicates the market, for lack of a better term, is completely and utterly fucked. I don’t want it to be this way — but it’s just the way it is.

Earlier this morning, under the auspices of my time machine, I sold out of EVBG, BOOT, and FIVN for a break even. I also sold NEW for a 7.8% loss. Chalk up two losses in excess of 7% today, counting the very fat and lazy DECK.

Those sales pushed me over 50% cash and I took some of it to purchase TZA — in order to hedge a little.

My quant portfolio is off by 1% and blood is truly about to run thru the streets like a mad lion chasing down zebra.

Do not be the zebra; protect your necks now else you might find it resting quietly in a nice wicker basket before long.

What a miracle. My coyote didn’t snap her teeth at me this morning and I slept in late. This is the first time I slept in late in years. The subsequent result…I got fucked by a pair of furry boots. I sold this DECK shit for an 8.5% loss. This is truly a harrowing experience.

The GDP came in at 4.1%. MEH — not impressed. I thought we were going 5%. Why not 6.8% like the Chinese? Back in the Obama days, people were hardened around the idea that America could never grow more than 2%. What happened? Those people should now literally kill themselves.

I must say, just about everything I own is getting mudstomped. I’m being entreated to clown slaps and I’m glad for it. Now at 30% cash, I can see a path towards my 50% target. This isn’t a market for old men like me. Let the young whipper snappers fall off the side of the boat and into the marina. I’ll be partaking in summer shenanigans.

SAAS stocks are getting killed, in spite of TEAM crushing numbers. I’ll be here with my dog food, FRPT, enjoying the views.

FUCK UGGS AND THEIR STUPID FUCKING BOOTS.

Listen to me. I literally know more about stocks than you could learn over 10 separate lifetimes.

Stocks are going to forklift, the fuck, higher tomorrow — reducing all of the pathetic bears into sausages to be eaten by my dogs.

GOOD NEWS FOR FREELOADING STOCKFAGS OUT THERE

The victorious algorithms from Exodus are now available, FREE FROM CHARGE, on my new site: FreestockAlgos.com Tell all of you stupid friends and ugly neighbors about it. Let it be a community gift that can spread virally and organically.

After the close today there were several very exciting ejaculations in the market.

For one, Amazon missed and ripped higher by 3%.

More important, TEAM annihilated shorts and sped higher by 15%. This is Queen SAAS and should create a halo effect around the entire sector. I know exactly what stocks I want to buy on this news. Stay tuned.

Here are some other stocks moving higher in the after-hours.

BJRI +12%, EXPE +9.9%, ULH +9.8%, NATI +6.7%, CMG +6.3%, EGHT +6.1%, LRCX +6.1%, ELLI +4.8%, BYD +4.1%, CY +3.9%, CYH +3%, LSCC +2.8%, AUY +2.2%, AFL +1.3%, AMGN +1%

Nasdaq futures are +26, and BTC is -4%. This is exactly what we need to get the animal spirits going again — a sordid blend of chicanery that has laid waste to bears in the past and will always lay waste to them in the future. I am going to make so much money tomorrow, I will be involuntarily punching people in the fucking face.

This is really a delicious company, selling a wide assortment of mouth watering treats. Freshpet offers animals wonderful food items, like this delectable gigantic sausage made from natural pork casings and cow guts. It’s truly a treat for both pets and owners alike.

Mouth.Watering

Here, take a look at one of our members in Exodus, posing with his array of food products, courtesy of FRPT. How happy does he look?

Pelican Room Member @Remy

My personal favorite is “Dog Joy.” It’s a cross between motor oil and left over chuck stew. Really good.

As for the stock — NOTHING STOPS IT FROM HITTING NEW HIGHS. People like to eat, and so do dogs. For the life of me, I cannot think of a single reason why this shouldn’t trade up tomorrow.

Long FRPT — because dog food isn’t just for dogs anymore.

In an effort to open up our algorithms to the public, without giving away the grandeur and the richness of Exodus, I created a new website called FreeStockAlgos.com

Enter an email address and gain access to our entire stock grading system for both technicals and fundamentals.

My generosity is without boundaries.

Listen to me. I sold FAS and APPF for a 2% and 5% profit. My cash is now 30%. I have a goal to reach 50%, so that I can cavort and sashay near the beach (no homo) for the balance of the summer without a care in the world.

That might sound like the words of a coward, but understand the market isn’t making a lot of sense now. Sure, its going up and that’s great — but it’s chaotic.

Plus, 75% of my investable money is fixed in the Quant strategy and doesn’t change with my emotions. That’ll be rebalanced on the first of every month, adhering to fundamental disciplines that have escaped many of you for a long time.

How about this for using fundies as a guide to long term gains. Using a fundamental screen in Exodus, I profiled what a loser and winner looked like the past year. The losers produced a loss of 31%, the winners +49%. Notice anything striking?

Profile of a winner: PE 25x, earnings growth +28%, P/S 3x, Rev growth 11.9%, FCF $115m, Gross Margins +49%

Profile of a loser: PE: 16x, earnings growth -10%, P/S 1.5x, Rev growth +7%, FCF $163m, Gross margins +41%