Onyx: Throw Your Guns in the Air

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V6RifA40K8U 450 300]

I’m just bowling on you fuckers.

I bought 1,000 [[FXP]] @ $93.

Disclaimer: If you buy FXP because of this post, China will take their market private. And, you may lose money.

Oh no!

“I’m super bullish right now.”

Jordan Kimmel
CNBC, 3/28/2008

Enough said.

“Wamu” is the worst bank in America. Plus, their new slogan “Whoo-Hooo!” is fucking childish ridiculousness. Who the fuck wants to put their hard earned savings in a bank that thinks “Whoo-Hoo!” is a smart marketing slogan to attract big money?

On their website, they proudly exclaim: “Most banks are grey, that’s just not our style.”

No fuckers. Your style is to go bankrupt, because you are being run by a bunch of adolescent retards, who gambled the institution on homeless guys in need of a McMansion.

Whoo-Hoo!

Disclaimer: Heavily short [[WM]]

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gca-bD4gOec 450 300]

The guy spinning the roulette wheel is Ben Bernanke.

In order for the bulls to validate a legitimate run in the indices, crude oil must come down. Right here @$105, I like my chances betting on it going lower. In doing so, effectively, I am quasi hedging against my short positions.

If crude dumps out, bet your bottom dollar there will be a spike in retail and other consumer discretionary names. Now, I do not believe retail should run, if crude dumps out. However, knowing the low grade gene pool of many money managers, I can tell you, they will buy equities and send stocks higher.

Much of the bull case is reliant upon a massive drop in commodity prices. So, in my opinion, it makes sense to be short banks, commercial Re, retail and tech, while simultaneously betting against crude and commodities, knowing the bulls want them lower.

In layman’s terms, I want to have my cake and eat it. Then, I want to walk over to the gentleman with the mustache, punch it off, and take his cake and eat it too.

Right now, my favorite positions are [[SMN]], [[SRS]], [[DGP]], [[SKF]], [[DUG]], [[DCR]], [[REW]], [[RIG]], [[FXY]], short [[MON]], short [[WM]], short [[LEH]], short [[MS]], short [[POT]] and short [[FED]].

UPDATE:

I bought 2,000 [[SRS]] @ $99.75 and 2,000 [[DCR]] @ $10.28.

Disclaimer: If you buy the above stocks because of this post, by 2009, a bag of potatoes will cost $10,000—due to “demand from China and India.” And, you may lose money.

A classy headline, indeed.

So, if things are so bad, as indicated in every piece of economic data, why isn’t it reflected in stock prices? Year to date, the S&P has hardly been nicked.

Today, we have the shitfaces from [[C]] upgrading the worthless assets of [[LEH]]. This, of course, is very amusing. It’s equal to someone upgrading the SS Titanic, just prior to it being snapped in half like a fucking pretzel—on its way to fishville. Yeah, fuck that ship too. I upgrade LEH, right here and now, prior to it being a permanent living room for fish.

Seeing the market up like this (75) is just madness. Something is fishy (pardon the excessive fish references). It started in Asia last night, with many of the lunatic Asian indices sprinting higher. Then, there was slight follow through with the Europeans. Now, we have full fledged dumbness here, with the market climbing—despite bad data.

Thus far, gold is getting the ax to the head treatment. I am long gold for two reasons.

For one, it is a faux hedge against my stupid [[SMN]] position. And secondly, I believe it will trade up to $1,500, during the late months of 2008.

In order for “The Fly” to stop being such a bearshitting malcontent, several things must occur:

1. Oil must trade below $90.

2. Natty must trade below $8.

3. All food commodities must trade 25% lower from current levels.

4. The dollar must stabilize.

5. Credit concerns must decrease, starting with spreads.

6. Bonds must get destroyed.

Providing all 6 events begin to take shape, I will get long and cover my shorts. However, as long as retards like LEH still exist, I’m just fine here—shorting shit while bouncing empty Monster cans off my trader/servant’s skull.

Top pick: Short LEH.