Fun Lovin Criminals – Scooby snacks

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Quit talking; you’re making me sick. If any of you talking heads were within 30 yards of me, I’d have your mustache knocked off with an idle lamp post.

The market reversed today, off the lows. Under normal circumstances, I’d say we were heading higher for the next week or two. But, something is different this time. There’s some sort of dark cloud over the market, which isn’t going to disappear after one intra-day reversal.

The market needs a catalyst to jump. It needs Warren Buffett to step in and rip the throats out of the bears, via buying out [[C]], or something like that.

However, we all know, that’s crack pipe dreams.

Instead, we get to enjoy the constant and persistent cornering of the oil markets, at the hands of ‘sovereign wealth funds.’

Please, don’t tell me the 900 billion dollar Saudi Arabian ‘sovereign wealth fund’ isn’t buying massive quantities of crude futures. The oil bubble will pop, when those fuckers endure an $80 down day in crude. You’ll know oil is going lower, when the cameras shift to the crude traders in Dubai, showing despair— and men with their turbans in hand.

Until then, oil is going higher and there is nothing you or your stupid friends can do about it.

For the day, “The Fly” was flat, losing less than 0.3%. I had gains early; but they were stolen from me by asshole auto stock lovers.

All in all, the sentiment is still extraordinarily bearish. On any spike, get your list of stocks worth shorting ready for action.

With my money, I am ready to sell [[EWBC]] above $8, [[FMBI]] above $20 and [[TCB]] above $13.

I got psychopaths around me, calling a bottom—yet again. That’s it, the market reversed, from ‘deep out of the money’ to green. Therefore, we are going to ‘power spring’ up, led by the bumbling jackasses from [[GM]] and [[C]].

This is the part when I am supposed to get scared, scurry along, and cover my shorts, right? I think Cramer just said: “hey, shorts, you won. Now, why don’t you cover your shorts”?

Well, I don’t want to. I’m a fucking baby and I want more money.

See, the money I have now is old. I want new shit, so that I can buy new rims and diamond teeth. Also, I need new speakers for my Lexus. The shit I have now barely makes the street vibrate. I want my system to pump so fucking loud, that when I ‘roll up,’ people will think some sort of fucking war is coming their way—an invasion of sorts.

Oh, by the way, the market is soooo oversold, according to some cotton picking oscillator—as per Bobby Pisani.

Seriously, the only stocks Senor Tropicana is interested in are big ass rig makers, like [[NOV]] and [[RIG]].

Buy the dips; life is better that way.

If you’re short the market, do whatever the hell you feel like doing. I have no interest in covering my shorts. I just don’t.

Top pick:RIG

I decided to do nothing. I am content with my bank shorts, which include [[FMBI]], [[WFSL]], [[HRB]], [[TCB]] and [[PACW]]. And, I like betting against tech, via long [[REW]].

It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, to be able to annihilate my neighbors 401k plans, via short sales.

If you are wondering “what the fuck is wrong with iBC now”?

Do not fear.

The site is a bit slow today, following Vincenzo’s (our IT guy) latest cold room calamity.

Apparently, he was breaking bread on top of the server, effectively using it as a plate, while he was busy watching a stupid European ‘football’ game. Finally, too many crumbs fell into the server, causing it to catch fire and rudely interrupt Vincenzo’s football game.

Over the next few days, iBC’s erroneous server issues will be resolved, God willing of course.

With my money, aside from ‘doing nothing,’ I will buy some [[RIG]], [[EEV]], [[FTK]] and [[PCZ]].

What’s with morons who find the need to call a bottom in stocks and a top in oil everyday? You’d think after getting punched in the nose, with brass knuckles, these fuckers would stop speculating. Nonetheless, the asshats at [[MS]] are ‘calling a bottom’ in [[LEH]].

Good luck, bucko.

Call me a cynic, but something tells me the palsy’s at MS are somewhat concerned about their counter-party exposure to LEH.

The industrials are cracking here, as predicted. Shares of [[TEX]], [[ETN]], [[ITT]], [[JEC]], [[CAT]], [[CMI]], [[TXI]], [[CW]] and [[VMC]] are doing the ‘toilet bowl shuffle.’ I suggest leaning on them, especially CAT.

Oil is ripping higher today. I like [[PCZ]], under $60.

There is a possibility the market will try to bounce here, considering today is the first day of q3. However, just know, all rallies are to be sold into, not bought. You have to program yourself to do the opposite of what your optimistic instincts tell you. Being positive in a bear market will get you nowhere, and fast.

When “The Fly” was born into this industry (’97), fire and brimstone (Asian crisis) was tossed onto his lap, as he was told: “go make a living kid.” Then, after being lucky enough to ‘catch a bottom,’ he was taught another ancient lesson in warfare, via the ’98 collapse. Following that, “The Fly” coasted for two years, making scores of freshly minted coin, during the dot com era of ’98-2000— only to have it promptly snatched away during the historic and biblical collapse of 2000.

As you know, the rest is history.

I’m a fucking pro at bear markets. During my career, I’ve been dealing with them perpetually, while supporting a family and an egregious lifestyle. I cannot be gulled into bullshit.

Don’t get hoodwinked into believing the ‘goldilocks story’ or the resiliency of the U.S. economy. It’s all bullshit. The market will bottom, when enough people have lost money and there is nothing else to sell.

In my opinion, there are plenty of industrials and ag related names worth shooting at.

For now, I will hold off on placing new bets against the banks. They’re due to bounce. Instead, I may raise cash, via taking some profits and wait to reload over the next week—or not.

I’m unpredictable and busy eating potato chips, at the present.

More on this later.

All of you third tier bloggers are going to get rolled on soon.

Fuckers.

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I haven’t calculated the exact magnitude of my wins; but I can tell you, with the utmost sincerity of a snitch in a torture device, “The Fly” is better than you.

I had massive wins this quarter, from short [[LEH]] to short [[MER]] to short [[CSE]]; I won.

I had unparalleled gains in my “Reverse Four Five Horsemen,” which includes [[FED]], [[DSL]], [[CORS]], [[FHN]] and [[PACW]].

To make your matters worse, I even had winners on the long side, in [[FTK]] and [[RIG]], just to name a few.

My thesis has been very consistent: long energy/short everything else. In addition, I warned you of a 2nd half collapse in equities, providing the economy did not pick up its sluggish pace.

Unlike all of the asshats on bubblevision, “The Fly” is destined for greatness. He has many plans in his “bag o’ plans.” And, he intends to “get his share” of the billions being made on the internets.

In the coming weeks and months, the Godly folks from iBC will be unveiling a variety of unearthly tools, for the average and so called “seasoned investor.”

Moreover, iBC will be greatly expanded to the point where it might make Cramer sweat.

Finally, I’d like to thank the stock Gods for blessing me with a “calculator brain” and “bionic arm,” which is often used to pepper my trader/servant with large objects.

Top pick: short [[TCB]]

As you know, today is the last trading day of the 2nd quarter. Everyone who publishes investment literature is scrambling to make believe they knew what the fuck they were doing for the past 3 months, via selling the losers and buying the winners. This way, when Joe “low IQ” Investor looks for a safe place to park his capital, he will find all of the latest winners in Mr. Window Dresser’s mutual fund packet.

Egregious to say the least.

The problem these loosers [sic] are having is the lack of available dresses for their filthy fund windows. Meaning: aside from energy and ag, there aren’t many winners this quarter. Furthermore, many of these managers are deathly afraid of top ticking the commodity names.

Look for “value” plays in the commodity sector to catch fire, especially in energy. Think [[FTK]].

During the quarter, old winners became new losers, such as [[RIMM]], [[GME]], [[NKE]], [[CMG]] and [[CTRP]].

The patina was rubbed off the Chinese sector, revealing a coat of shit. The chi-coms have been the biggest losers of 2008, thus far. Expect to see further upside in the fortunes of [[FXP]].

Also, old losers in the energy space took off. One name that comes to mind is [[GMXR]]. “The Fly” had a monstrous position in the name, several times, only to get shaken out, like a martini, near the lows.

That’s life.

One sector that has been robust is the industrials. You know, the fuckers who help build roads and power plants. I suspect, sometime soon, budget short falls will wreck them.

I may start betting against [[FWLT]], [[FLR]], [[ABB]], [[TEX]], [[ITW]], [[ETN]], [[CAT]] and [[VMC]].

Finally, anticipate numerous regional banks/asset managers/brokerages to close their doors in late 2008, early 2009. I intend to bet against [[PACW]], [[BBT]], [[CSE]], [[FMBI]], [[WFSL]], [[TCB]], [[LEH]], [[MER]], [[SUSQ]], [[PZN]] amongst many others, in the most unremitting fashion.

Anyone can make coin in a roaring bull market. All one has to do is pick up the IBD or gloss over the 52 week high list and throw a few million dollars at a name—then wait.

I’m talking about our prized asset managers, the fucktards who manage billions for pension funds and 401k plans. Most of these guys can’t handle bear markets. They get all frazzled and shit, perpetually buying stocks like a habit—not too much different than a Brooklyn crack fiend.

Take a look at the mutual fund performance sheets. If a certain fund is greatly underperforming the S&P, odds are that fund will suffer cataclysmic redemptions. Most people have no loyalty when it comes to asset management. All they give a fuck about is returns.

With that in mind, here are a few losers to shoot at (sell short):

Do your own research, lazy internet leeches. Go find out which funds have the worst performance stats, then get back to me.