Bannings Will Be Handed Out Liberally

Let’s clarify a few things, just so that we are on the same page.

I’ve been managing money for many, many years, enjoying success and enduring failures, all part and parcel of risk. Fortunately, I’ve had a lot more peaks than troughs, as many of my readers can attest to, visiting here throughout the years.

I do not like losing money. When I lose money, I get very, very moody. As such, my patience for your snarky comments is at an all-time low. I don’t care how long you’ve been reading the site, leaving little comments along the way. If you get out of line, you’re fucking banned. I will not offer safe quarter to any of you, only black flags and Greg Solomon videos.

Being banned from the site means you will not be able to access it. Should you attempt to find methods around my circle of death, I will invent new ones. You will not win, only lose, as it is in your nature.

You need to know, I am not here for you. I am not your investment manager and do not offer financial advice to any cretin on the web-o-sphere. Consider what you see here a television show, or better yet a movie. When you watch Batman jump off a skyscraper, landing on his feet as if it was a fucking garage to sidewalk drop, you don’t emulate him, do you?

In short, I am Batman; you are guy with popcorn. Fuck with me and I will come out of the movie screen, snatch your popcorn, and toss you out of the theatre.

UPDATE: I bought 3,000 TNA

In another attempt at suicide, I started a position in CLR.

The global markets are in a state of sheer panic now, thanks to the monstrous jobs report of +54k reported in the United Steaks of America last week. Investors, in between joy rides in their smart cars, have been forced to sell equities, based upon the premise that the “double dip recession” is all but a foregone conclusion(apparently, there is no statute of limitations on declaring a “double dip recession,” no matter how long it has been since the last recession). In the event next month’s jobs number are good (heaven forbid), the smart cars will stop again and everyone will pile back into equities, like a herd of jackasses running towards a mirage.

The people from the teevee have given up hope, declaring this market “toxic” thanks to that heinous and barbaric +54k jobs report.

Just yesterday, we had a decent rally going; but then all of a sudden, a monster of sorts appeared—frightening everyone out of the markets. As this monster ROARED and THUNDERED throughout Wall Street, investors sashayed in and out of stocks, like dogs chasing feathers attached to their tails. By the end of the day, most investors cowered under the beds or in their respective closets, sending the Dow lower for a 6th consecutive day.

Over in Europe, as you read this, they are fleeing from stocks, like little Greeks running from Turks. Indices are down more than 1%, effectively sending our futures lower. The sad and grotesque reality is: there is no future.

All in all, the stage is set for another day of hedonistic adventures, as the usual cast of actors and actresses make their way down to the NYSE. All of the tiny, itsy, bitsy day traders are ready to go “FAZzing” and most, if not all, have declared this market to be deader than reason and democracy inside of any middle eastern country of your choosing.

Lights…cameras…action!

Whatever was left in the comments section last night, I reviewed. All emails or tweets were fucking ignored.

Loveknots4baby.com: Sorry, but this is some chick-shit that garners zero interest from me. The web design is decent and the quality looks okay, but still “chick-shit.” Grade C

Fortune Formula: This is actually a decent blog. However, it gets tossed into a flaming barrel of garbage because it’s never updated. Seriously, why bother blogging if you are not going to commit? The author has good command over the English language, seems intelligent and somewhat focused. However, by looking at the cookie cutter site design and lack of editing of his blog roll, I know for a fact that he doesn’t really give a shit and will not be blogging this time next year. Grade C+

Economic Disconnect: Okay, the site design here is atrocious and the author is clearly just blogging for fun. Sifting through the articles, I’m guessing he is young and somewhat interesting. He is definitely too much all over the road. If he wants to take his little bloggy to the next level, he will need to focus on a theme and run hard with it. Otherwise, it will end up in the circular file. Grade B-

Stop Having a Boring Life: I love this blog and read it often. The author is literally insane and has left the civilized world for cashew trees in West Africa or fucked up hostels in seedy Eastern European towns. Through his travels, he has received a healthy dose of malaria and devoured the heart of a King Cobra. What’s not to like? Grade A+

Parabolic Market: This is a new blog and I am not sure if the author will keep it going for much longer. My hunch tells me he is simply moonlighting with this shit out of boredom. The author is iBC’s Gappingandyapping and his topic is internet/hardware/software security. Basically, if you are a nerd and love to learn about the importance of security, this shit is for you. I know my IT guy worships this guy, since he is a true Jedi-Master in all things to do with servers. As a matter of fact, he has helped iBC on numerous occasions, after Vincenzo dropped vats of olive oil all over iBC’s low grade server rack. Nevertheless, I’m deducting credits because I hate the design and LOATHE the tiny fonts. It’s almost unreadable.  Grade B+

Rick Js Handicapping Picks: The site was a little slow to load. Get your server game up. Wow, this site is fucking retarded. I don’t even know what the author is talking about. Fuck this shit. Grade F

Trader Digs: I kind of like this guy, even though he says like 3 things every 2 months. He is not committed to the blog game and therefore is tossed into the flaming barrel of garbage. Grade D

AskChrisTrades: Upon hitting this site, my anti-virus alerted me to some seedy shit. Clean out the page. There is nothing worse than presenting yourself as some sort of fucked up cookie globlin, infecting the computers of those who visit you. This guy is committed to making vids and seems to have his shit together. If it was me, I’d lose the “donate” button. It makes you look small. Actually, I’d redesign the whole site, since I hate black as a background. I’d certainly remove any reference that asks people to click on ads too. Let me tell you something, blogging is entirely fruitless, unless you have a business model, something that is scalable. This guy needs to clean up the site and focus more on traffic, less on making small change on ads. Grade B-

StockRake: This guy could have a popular blog if he fucking updated it. I like his direct style and organization. I hate the lack of commitment and design. Grade B-

Smart Money Tracker: This is an elite blog. A lot of people tell me about it; but I never seem to find time to visit it. The author is a true boss man and deserves a fucking web design upgrade. Plus, why is he on blogger? Would he like to move over to iBC? Just asking. Grade A+

Trading Nymph: Obsessive-compulsive comes to mind. The author talks to herself, as evidenced by hundreds of unanswered comments in her blogs. STOP DOING THAT. People might find out that you are crazy. She is definitely committed. However, she lacks the proper syntax and paragraph structure to keep me interested.  Grade C

DigiCha: Super smart guy, focusing on Chinese stocks listed in America. Actually, I believe he is an American living in China, eating it all up. Aside from Chinese listed stocks, the author is a reservoir of news and information regarding China. If you are interested in knowing what those red fuckers are up to, this is a must read. Grade A

Actionable Finance: I see where he is trying to go with this site. But the idea is not unique and he definitely needs some better IT support. Grade C

Pharma Pricing: I  can tell the author is very intelligent and probably good at his profession. However, his blog is not updated enough to qualify for the hallowed halls of iBC consideration. Therefore, I declare it to be an ABOMINATION. Grade D+

Jim Rogers Blog: What sort of fucked up blog name is that? That’s like me starting a site called “JIM CRAMERS ALERTS.” Oops, nevermind.  This guy is OBSESSED with the bow tie man. If you like Jim Rogers, you will like this blog. Grade B+

Dough.pro Again, my anti-virus alert popped up when I reached this site. Clean it up. Beautiful web design. However, it’s basically a premium service where people “buy an idea” for like $5. Totally absurd and will never work. Grade D+

What Would Tyler Durden Do: I suppose this is Zerohedge’s gay twin brother’s gossip site? Well executed. Great design. But it’s a fucking gossip site. Grade B-

RipeTrade: I am sure Woodshedder would love this site. It’s a solid offering. However, once again, the author doesn’t update it regularly. Plus, it’s on a fucking blogger page and the web design is psychopathic. To the trash bin it goes. Grade D+

Wealth Intact: Decent offering. However, HE DOESN’T FUCKING UPDATE THE BLOG. Are you people kidding me? Bring your A game or go home crying. Grade D-

The USED Project: Are you kidding me? Grade F-

Squidoo: This is like some retarded study blog, where the author gratuitously talks about Canada, as if that shit was special. Grade F

Scootwan: Some bullshit fitness blog that is NEVER updated. Marc David kicks your ass. Grade F-

Stock Trading Investments: I like where this is going. It’s sort of a Huffington Post for finance, with a twist. Now make it interesting and you have a blog. Work in progress. Grade B

Dave-Lucas: ABOMINATION. Virus Alert, psychopath blog. Grade F–

As investors await for THE BEARDED CLAM to have a word, their hands are clammy, because they are not sure of themselves. They walk around without purpose, unsure about everything stemming from pictures of their cocks to directional positions in the market. This is where I separate myself from the pack. I do not think my positions will trade higher, I know it. While the stock Gods plague me with black magic, I deviate ever so slightly in order to stay in the game, assuring myself of future success. This is accomplished by reducing leverage or eliminating it and tossing non-essential holdings into flaming barrels of garbage.

Despite today’s tepid action, I am pleased with the sharp spike in refinery stocks, namely ALJ, CVI and WNR. As you know, much of my personal and managed assets depend on the day to day volatility of the refiners. Thanks to rising spreads, I have received a respite.

Separate from that, the general tone of the market is very disappointing. We had a very nice rally going and people sold into it. At the top of the crap heap are the banks: horrible pinless hand grenade action there.

POST BERNANKE speech:

It sounds as if the Fed Chairman is still concerned about the economy and will continue to accommodate. Furthermore, he says THERE IS NO INFLATION. As a result of this demented way of thinking, do not be surprised if he ushers in another round of quantitative easing.

All in all, I have to be long here. I have no choice and will deal with the consequences later, should my bullish position end up being a loser.

The Bearded Clam would like to have a word, or two.

More so, there are things the plebs are not aware of, all to do with the harmony of mathematical precision, as it pertains to pricing of equities. You know The PPT flagged OVERSOLD on Friday and again yesterday, yet you chose to ignore something that has been successful 89% of the time, in favor of your brainless gut. You were told SRTY, FAZ, TWM and other inverse ETF’s were flagged “Overbought”, yet you bought them with great vigor and tenacity. What you failed to commiserate in your daily diatribes is the duration in which these signals are effective.

I will not reveal the true nature of these statistics, for fear the unvarnished truth will shatter your souls and turn you into catatonic misfits. However, I am warning you now, the accuracy of these signals, sent from the heavens straight down to this idiot server into your brains, begins to increase with efficiency right now, lasting for another 7 business days.

Say all you want about correlations and how they pertain to investment management. Such words fall upon deaf ears, which are only capable of hearing the sound of money drop onto velvet rugs. Trying to debate mathematics is the equivalent to having an arm wrestle with a TSAR BOMBA.

BEHOLD:

By the way, avoid taking Allegra D. It causes heart attacks.

It looks like the market is going to bounce today. Like I said yesterday, it doesn’t matter, since I am looking for more. I want, at a minimum, a 4% spike from here. In true spoiled brat fashion, I will have my 4% or get nothing. Should I receive the latter, that’s perfectly acceptable too, since I am a firm believer in celestial beings inflicting black magic on people who they deem to be “bad” or a sinner. Truth be told, it’s a constant struggle, resisting the temptation of kicking people down stairs or people on wheel chairs into oncoming traffic. Some of you losers struggle with drug abuse; I struggle with random acts of barbaric violence.

I am not interested in changing my stocks, at least at the moment, since everything is oversold. I have a decent mix of names that will do nicely on a rebound.

In the event we reverse lower today and wallow in pig shit, I’ll be heading the fuck out from here to somewhere whimsical, in order to clean my mind of all of this madness.

NOTE: Blog reviews will be posted tonight.

Before the markets open and set off my manic-depressive mental condition, I am interested in reviewing your blogs, free of charge. Naturally, I will hold no punches and if your blog sucks cock, I will tell you so.

Whether I like your shit filled blog or not, I will link whore to you in my review post. iBC gets over 1 million page views per month and could easily put your pathetic ass on the map, with a little “Fly love.” Eventually, you fuckers need to start acknowledging iBC as the motherfucking mothership of this blog game. Step forward in the comments section, son, and get your lame ass blog reviewed (free of charge)!

The year was 2023 and “The Fly” was under severe cannon fire from his neighbors “across the way.” They’ve been vollying back and forth for weeks over the “disputed” rice paddies. It was 10 years since the American dream collapsed on the brains of those who protected it. Since then, the power apparatus in America transformed from government into local sects, where warlords ruled with Iron Fists for cheap labor, land and resources.

In NYC, “The Fly” was one of the chief financiers of manufacturing “poisonous as fuck” toys for China, as retribution for the hardship the Chinese inflicted on America after the collapse. Immediately following the collapse of America, China invaded Hawaii and turned the entire island into a FOXCONN slave factory, where local businessmen were forced to make iPAD ripoffs for the Chinese elite and demeaning fortune cookies that read “America will no ronger be arive, har, har, har.” With America out of the way, the Chinese captured Taiwan, South Korea and England, mainly for shit and giggles. They imposed harsh language laws in all of the lands they conquered, forcing its citizens to speak Chinese or get summarily tossed into FOXCONN prison factories at London.

The world was a dark, dark place, filled with wonton surprises and bombs hidden inside Jack in the Boxes, which was The Fly’s “top seller.”

The savage reality of life without order turned The Fly into a stark raving lunatic, developing “weapons of humor,” aimed to maim deviants inside China proper. His Jack in the Boxes were toys geared towards adult males. He did this by making them X-Rated. His Jack in the Boxes would blow up inside of 10 seconds, after a big titted naked doll, depicting an American woman, popped out and said “Foxy for FOXCONN”, all provocatively and shit. For years the Chinese ate it up, until they started blowing their dicks off.

Back in NYC, Fly was busy protecting his carrot harvest, whilst maintaining his blog “IUSEDTOBANKCOINNOWIJUSTKILLPEOPLE.com. Traffic was at an all-time high, despite the chaos. Replacing The PPT was a new algorithm that was able to time a “ten spot” casualty report with 6 hours of predictive accuracy (in 2023, a “ten spot” meant 10,000 killed).

Oddly enough, The Fly nailed the collapse of America, having all of his assets in VXX during the collapse. He bought it at $11 and rode it all the way up to 2,000 per share, until the collapse hit in full stride. As irony would have it, the finality of the collapse also coincided with the death of volatility. One day VXX was trading at 2,000, the next ZERO. As you could imagine, this drove his madness to new heights, paving the way for his new career as carrot farmer and “toy manufacturer extraordinaire” as he liked to call it.

A fire broke out at Wester Refinery’s El Paso shit house today, lending to the sell off. Shares of OPEN, LOGI, CVI, ATPG, OXY, and others, were down staggering amounts of dollars for me today. I know your reflex reaction will be to either annoy me with “I told you so’s” or offer encouragement with “you’ll get em tomorrow scooter.”

Frankly, none of that matters.

The market tricked me and I read the tea leaves wrong. Fuck you for telling me to “move on.” I don’t fucking move on and I do not change my demeanor because some asshole told me to. I will absorb these heinous and barbaric losses like a man. Apparently, it’s my fucking turn to be wrong and there is nothing that can be done about it. The stars and the planets are aligned against me, whether I attempt to short silver or stay long commodities or pick bottoms on cheap as fuck tech names. None of it matters.

See folks, I’ve been in one hell of an upcycle for 9 years now, making millions and priding myself on calling the market on a dime. It’s important to know when such a cycle is coming to an end; I see it now. Don’t get me wrong, there will be plenty of opportunities for me to “make a comeback” and spit in the faces of my detractors, even the secret ones. But, for now, I will sit here, eating almonds, drinking wine (something I never do during work) and absorb.

A great man once said “I’ve made my bed now I shall lay in it.”