HAR, HAR, HAR: I AM RONG SORAR!

With the proceeds from IFON, I bought a stock at the same exact price, rather poetically.

I am long SOL in size and will add on any dips.

Seriously, I’ve always wanted to use that headline. A thousand years could pass and I’d never get the chance to discuss Scotland, so pardon my zeal.

I don’t know what to think about Scotland, frankly. Perhaps England may have to enact and olde ancient tradition, Primae Noctis, to set those drunkards straight. Either way, it pleases me to know that the ghost of King Longshanks is probably pissed off right now.

Stocks look strong ahead of the biggest ipo known to mankind, BABA. Both SFTBF and YHOO own large pieces of it. So if you want to play the hype, before the ipo, just buy those stocks. Then again, maybe people sell the news? All I know is this: LITB is cheaper than balls–because they are balls. I’m looking for a pop to $10.

Yes, I am still long TLT and utilities. Let’s examine this for a moment. I am flat to down 2% in my utilities and after two months of dividend payments, I am down about 3.5% in TLT. I piss on -3.5%, hardly an onerous price to pay for a hedge. The whole point of these positions is to protect against the inevitable destruction of the planet called earth. Now that I see it won’t happen, although I am reticent to think boolish ahead of BABA, I can start repositioning for upside. The opportunity afforded to me by the IFON spike and my subsequent sale leaves me in a very liquid situation, young chap.

You’d be wise to not bet against me, ever again.

After selling out the bulk of my IFON position north of $3.55, I felt it would be ridiculous to do anything else. Instead of worrying about stocks and where they might be going, I permitted my treasuries and utilities to bleed out a little more, if only for the sake of sacrifice. One cannot accomplish too many feats of genius inside of a day. Therefore, and I am emboldened to say this: “The Fly won again, even though you wrote him off for dead.”

I will reserve my market positioning and how I might play this tape for tomorrow.

Just a quick note on the iBankCoin Investors Conference:

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All of the media and all of the morons who blog are shocked and amazed that the Fed didn’t change their language, in reference to when they will raise rates.

Listen to me, boy: The United Steaks of America has nearly 20 trillion dollars in debt. They prefer to borrow at dirt cheap rates–fuck you very much.

This news is bullish for both stocks and bonds.

Although Yellen sounds like a female version of Woody Allen, she is doing exactly what she needs to do here to keep the party going.

This should be an easy trade.

If the verbiage coming out from Janet Yellen’s big fat brooklyn mouth is hawkish, get long banks. You want to do this only if rates are shooting higher. This will most likely lead to a steepening of the yield curve, a major profit centre for your local banker.

If she sounds dovish, the quick and easy trade is to be long treasuries, utilities and REITs–pretty much anything yield oriented.

I doubt the market will move big in either direction. I just don’t see this meeting as a nail biter. Most people are expecting a slightly hawkish tone to the meeting, so it should be business as usual.

Nonetheless, you should build a quick list of super-regional banks that might move on the announcement.

The iFON saga is concluding for me today. I permitted a trade to become an investment. I’ll be damned if I look a gift horse in the face twice and do nothing about it. Thanks to a surge in liquidity and price, with liquidity being the more important aspect of the trade, I sold out of 75% of my IFON position.

Bear in mind, this was a holding of mines that was off by 40% at one point. It was an albatross around my neck and I all but wrote if off, until yesterday. Granted, I have been known to poke fun at the fact that some slick San Diego executives have plunged down south, deep into the jungles of the Amazon, to sell their wares. Nonetheless, I cannot describe to you the burden this stock was for me, considering how much I owned and the lowly nature of the market cap.

Plainly, I am fortunate to escape this former debacle whole. In fact, I escape it at a lofty profit, as I bought it all the way down to the high $1.90s.

With the proceeds, I intend to behave like a proper gentleman and avoid the rabble of micro cap scum, until I get the urge to splurge again.

Often times, as traders/investors, we tend to allow emotions get in the way of a good trade. We get a stock going higher and then the pipe dreams settle in.

“What if this stock went to $20?” You then take out your calculator and count the projected winnings. The very next day, instead of booking the trade, taking the profit, you hold onto that dog shit stock and watch the profits melt away.

There is one cardinal sin that I’ve seen play out in all of my years managing money, and it is this.

Imagine you’ve been buying XYZ for the better part of a year, maybe two. The stock was trading $1-3, with relative illiquidity. Your position became big enough to affect the share price and you had no idea how’d you sell the sucker, once it lifted. Lo and behold, the stock took off, first shooting to $5, then $8. Millions of shares traded hands, and on paper, you’re a multi-millionaire.

However, due to sheer gluttony, not only do you decide to hold your position–but like a jackass; you buy more! In your head, you start believing the hype and the message board trolls.

“XYZ is the next IBM.”

“Someone knows something.”

“A buy out is coming.”

Yadda, yadda, yadda.

There’s an olde saying which applies here: “one in the hand is better than two in the bush.” There’s nothing wrong with swinging for the fences. But never let a solid profit dwindle away and never fail to take advantage of a surge in liquidity, when building a large position.

Good night.

This was a big day for stocks ahead of the Fed meeting. I am still cautious and still own a bunch of boring utilities and treasuries; but I also enjoyed a welcomed boon today in the form of IFON. I own a lot of stock and have been down on this name for about 6 months. It perplexed me how such a small, well run, company could be so hated by the degenerates who trade stock. After all, they are growing upwards of 25% per annum, profitable for the past 5 quarters, $2 mill + in the bank, and have carved out a nice niche amongst the indigenous folk in South and Central America.

Very simply, with just 10 million shares in the float, I think you should grab it (extra Bud Fox).

I am now up on the stock and will see to it that I enjoy the upside twice as much as I lamented the downside.

To sum things up: there is a reason why I am bearish and haven’t shorted any stocks. Today was a perfect example to support my decision to be long utilities instead of TZA. Central banks around the world are hell bent on higher equity prices and it’s hard to fight that sort of firing power. Nevertheless, it’s also hard to justify how WDAY, FEYE and SPLK could be good buys at 20-31x sales. It would seem to me, this market is best suited for the rabbit skinners and beer swillers, than old school valuation guys.

Lucky for me, I fall in neither camp.

NOTE: For those of you who made some coin, get your asses down to Vegas to celebrate with the crew. We have just 15 spots left for the early bird special. After that, prices are going up.

Forget about the villainous market for a minute. Deep from within the bowels of the Amazon jungle, the banana trees reverberate from the melodies of samba music playing. Local town residents dance atop of straw tables and snap pictures of one another with their ‘VERYKOOL’ iFONs. Peace pipes filled to the brim with marijuana and cocaine are shared and the children chase one another, beating each other with long vines and coconuts.

Ladies and gentlemen, the iFON has broken loose.

Over this past weekend, in the FT, there was a story that said Google would target these very markets for expansion. I can tell you, after speaking with management, that they would be open to a sale of the company–being that they have carved out a nice niche in S America and lack the proper funding to expand globally. They operate a clean, profitable, business and have no need for funds. Very simply, this stock can run a great deal higher, maybe up to $7, before the bears can crawl out from their holes and declare it to be expensive.

Markets are ripping higher; but my utilities are still up though.

This is a big deal. CALPERS is removing themselves from the cesspool that is the hedge fund world, which represents about $4 billion. What’s worse is that this could become a trend for pensions around the country, which in turn may lead to forced liquidations–further jarring markets. But even if stocks soften a bit here, there are plenty of go-to names to devour on the cheap.

Look towards GILD (I am long), trading 11x eps, on pace to generate over $15 billion in free cash flow next year. This is a company that may begin to aggressively buy back its own shares or increase its dividend.  By the way, they cured hep c.

Two biotechs worth buying on dips are ACHN and ARWR. ACHN has a cheaper hep c drug than GILD’s and the data has been impressive. ARWR  (I am long) is working on a hep b cure and is a possible buyout candidate. Other biotechs that I will buy on dips include JAZZ (I am long), XON, GEVA, ALNY and SGEN (I am long).

Let’s not forget about the oil boom in the Bakken and Permian Basin. I like fracking sand companies SLCA (I am long), EMES and HCLP. And exploration companies FANG, OAS and CLR.

Lastly, there is the tech arm to this market. Web 2.0 is the only way to play it. However, valuations are stretched and if we get a decent pullback, you might lose your scalps with these names. Nevertheless, YELP (I am long),  AAPL (I am long), TRIP and TWTR are must owns–long term. Other high tech names that peak my interest are MBLY, GPRO, PANW (I am long), QIHU, YY and  N (I am long).

As an aside, if Shake Shack ever comes public, I will make it my largest position and probably never sell it.

Until then, my trading positions are heavily biased towards utilities and treasuries. I am also excited about my IFON position catching a second wind.