Fly’s Tale of a Debt Ceiling Breach

As the Tea Party caucus in Congress sang “Amazing Grace“, mezzo-soprano, the debt ceiling was breached and the Unites States of America missed its first interest payment.

Back at the office de Fly, stocks were drowning like pigs in quicksand. Using his new powers of brute strength, “The Fly” punched a giant hole in his computer, ripped the tower from his stupid desk, and proceeded to smash it to the smallest of pieces, slowed down only by his knuckles breaking under the pressure of his thrusts.

Panic gripped Wall Street, 1929 style, with traders and investors alike sky-diving out from their office windows, sans parachute.

The news channels were very busy, very busy indeud. In the midst of all the fuss, Charles Gasparino, from the Fox Business news channel, was caught on camera masturbating to the carnage. James Cramer knocked out Bob Pisani on live teevee and David Faber broadcasted the news completely in the nude.

Dennis Kneale was killed by an errant rocking chair.

The internet was rampant with schadenfreude, spearheaded by the bitCoiners and Gold bugs. Zerohedge revealed his true identity in a live webcast in front of the NYSE, as it burned to the ground–lit aflame by angry TSLA shareholders crashing their trendy cars into the complex.

Back at the office de Fly, the masked man took to the streets to incite riot, burn people alive at the tip of his stick over flaming barrels of garbage, like marshmallows at a camp fire. The transition from gentleman investor to revolutionary cannibal was complete–all in a day.

The White House was eerily quiet, with The Obama clan, gingerly and quietly, enjoying a match of bowling, over large bowls of fried rice and chicken wings.

Rick Santelli was so happy over the ensuing tragedies, he cried on teevee, then died of a massive stroke.

By the end of the trading session, miraculously, stocks recovered all of its losses, following a surprise telecast from Benjamin Bernanke.

In a dimly lit room, sitting with his legs crossed in a Victorian era chair, whilst smoking a large philly blunt brimming with Jamaican marijuna, Dr. Bernanke said: “I got you bitches again. I bought that shit, motherfuckers, all of it.”

Poltergeist.

The Tea Party is being explicitly directed by Heritage Action for America, who in turn is being led by a 31 year old punk kid, Michael Needham, who has probably never invested a red cent in the stock market, let alone understand how important the US debt market is to the world.

I know it’s hard to believe; but they’re telling you straight to your face. If you disagree with Heritage, small republicans of the congress, they will primary your dumb ass with someone ‘extremely insane’ this November, which will bode well in new “gerrymandered” uber conservative districts.

In short, the perverts on Capitol Hill have been ‘gerrymandered’ by a certain Michael Needham, who is most likely playing Black Ops or HALO right now, drinking Pabst beers and eating Doritos out of a bag, whilst us suckers worry about the fate of the US debt markets.

UPDATE: Caine Thaler penned a masterpiece. Must read!

I will never vote republican again, at least under its present form. The rationale for the current disagreement hinges on a MEDICAL DEVICE TAX? Are you fucking kidding me? Pardon my language, but I couldn’t contain myself. This sort of barbaric thinking is the reason why this country is being led down the toilet bowl.

The best case scenario is we punt this until February, setting up for an early 2014 market rout. Worst case scenario, the god damned bible thumping republicans willingly destroy our credit worthiness. I do not want to hear about the 14th amendment or how we will not default, since we have enough cash to “cover interest and principle expenses.” The fact of the matter is, we do not have a budget. During this morning’s Citigroup conference call, they bragged about not owning short term treasuries.

THIS IS ABSURD.

If they hang the nation, I will be laughing as I swing–because I ain’t selling shit.

This is insane. Where is Muddy Waters? BORN up 80%. VISN is trading at $15, up from $2 just a few weeks ago!?!?

Which lotto play is next to go?

I get the sense YELP is going to smoke numbers this quarter. If you recall, I loaded up prior to last quarter’s numbers at $41, pared down some of the position to reduce exposure, locking in huge gains; but now it’s time to reload the proverbial boat again.

Indeud.

Over the past week, I’ve been a buyer of YELP’s shares and have completed my purchases today. Ultimately, YELP will be bought out or trade in the $100-200 price range. That has always been my opinion, even when the stock was $14. Go check the archives.

In short, I sold out of non-core names, SUNE and YY, and have added to a core position. I like to consider my non-core positions conduits that finance core position purchases.

At any rate, I’m still a little hesitant about the market, due to recent GOP developments. Hopefully, they opt for sanity over the way of the Palin.

In light of renewed republican stupidity, I sold out of SUNE and YY for 5% and 10% gains, respectively.

I am now fully invested, at just 100%.

David Tepper, hot shot hedge fund manager from the back of the Short Hills shopping mall in New Jersey, just made the case for higher stock prices, based upon a low interest rate environment. As we speak, congress is meeting to delay default until February. I am sure the Tea Party is strictly opposed to not defaulting, always opting for the ‘Santelli sanitization’ of ‘taking the band aid’ off now, as opposed to later.

I think the market is a straight shot higher, after we get past the debt ceiling issue. Naturally, there will be minor pullbacks and some stocks will underperform, based on bad earnings  and such. But, generally speaking, we should trade up.

All you have to do is not screw up. Diversify your holdings. Do not overweight in low brow gambling stocks and try to look at the bigger picture. I am talking macro, not micro. Where is the money going and why?

Going into the final months of the year, the consumer will be in focus. There is real opportunity for gains in retail, being that they’ve underperformed for so long. Also, heading into Thanksgiving, WFM and FWM look interesting. The point is, focus on a thesis and not just ticker symbols, like some sort of vagrant jackass whore.

I am sure most of you know the story by now. There was a glitch in the EBT card system that led to ‘unlimited’ spending limits, which led to an all out assault on the white owned corporation of Walmart. As you readily know, the Walmart family fortune is in excess of $115 billion, so don’t feel sorry for them at all. Instead, feel sorry for the people who felt they were getting over by stealing food and provisions from their community store. After the glitch was fixed, these sub-humans left their shopping carts, filled to the brim, with goods.

The net result was a horrible burden left upon the underpaid workers at Walmart to put everything back.

Gentlemen, the solution to the poverty problem is simple: RAISE their taxes. The more you make, the lower your tax rate. Reward success and penalize failure. And, most importantly, by no means should welfare be granted to able bodied men under the age of 65.

NOTE: Latest news from Washington suggests a debt ceiling deal is near.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sU3w8AmUFj0

I’m rolling over these bears today, ripping out their large intestines with the wheels from my 1980’s style stretched limo. The truth is, I thought we’d default. I was so convinced of this eventuality I went to an oversized cash position and braced myself for the gloom. However, after seeing Secretary Lew’s amazing performance, chastising the republican idiots into chequemate, I knew the mood changed. As such, I re-committed myself towards the explicit task of basking in the Obama led Gilded era, where the middle class deteriorates into the mud and my calash speeds over them at frightening speeds.

Today’s lotto winners are found in the Chinese burrito sector, namely VISN. I was looking to speculate in that stock at $2.20; now that it’s above $8, I feel like I missed the boat, just a tad.

Look here, lady, I know you’re upset because the bull market marches on. You’d like to see the economy in shambles to justify your meager existence. But you’re going to have to wait for that, so be patient and keep your mood elevated.

Life is a game of chess and you’re playing video games.

Top picks: YY, YELP, TRLA