Reminder: CNBC Should Fuck Themselves

Last week I doubled up on BILI because I knew it was trading higher. I knew it like a marksman knows he shot you in the ear, or how an ace pitcher knew he hit you in the helmet with his fastball on purpose.

With markets up 300 and the Italian people in EU prison, I like my chances pushing the envelope here with these SOY BOY stocks.

With BITA breaking resistance at $24, I gracefully and violently stepped in and bought MOAR.

I cannot be stopped. Fuck the Stock Gods. I’m in charge now.

NOTE: My $IQ is fucking soaring, as well as my SHAK.

This is the easiest trade in the world — even a dumb baby can do it.

Buy BITA here for the break above $24. If it fails, sell. If it breaks out above it, BUY MORE WITH COCK IN HAND AND EXTREME VIGOR.

BITA has been a straight up piece of shit for a long time; but no one cares anymore. Plus, look at my BILI and HUYA and IQ now. I cannot and will not be denied.

Salesforce dot com blew away numbers again — because the SAAS model cannot be stopped. Technologists and data analysts have hacked the human psyche and are using tech to buoy growth in a repeatable business approach that increases vertically with every dollar invested into it. These companies do not give a shit about the economy, for they have salesmen pounding the phones — making sure Mr. Jones buys.

This is the new boiler room and it’s very profitable and it’s very easy.

Ergo, I added to my SAAS portfolio, which right now only has ZEN, buying HUBS at these levels. Granted, Exodus flagged it oversold a short while ago, with haunting accuracy, I am buying here higher nonetheless because nothing can beat this business model. It cannot be stopped.

Other SAAS plays on the radar include NEWR, VEEV, TWOU, and SMAR.

The EU’s Budget Commissioner, Günther H. Oettinger, has drawn the ire of Italians after his comments depicting markets ‘teaching’ Italians who they should vote for, plainly stating they shouldn’t be voting for populist candidates.

EU’s Budget Commissioner, Günther H. Oettinger, Says Markets Will Teach Italians Who to Vote For pic.twitter.com/CQhbkMUI2J

— The_Real_Fly (@The_Real_Fly) May 30, 2018

EU Budget Commissioner Günther Oettinger’s comments to DW that market pressures could “play a role” in voting habits in Italy have landed him in hot water. https://t.co/EMcjLlBAR4 pic.twitter.com/h9aoVEuauc

— dwnews (@dwnews) May 29, 2018

This statement by the German EU commissioner #Oettinger will probably go down as one of the most infamous in European history. It caused an enormous media firestorm and was mentioned by both Salvini and Di Maio in their plea to fight German control over Italy. pic.twitter.com/YHstq9wkGL

— Alessandra Bocchi (@alessabocchi) May 30, 2018

As one would expect, these comments served as a dog whistle for anti-establishment Italian activists and politicians to take to twitter to voice their dismay.

Dear Commissioner #Oettinger repeat with us, with Italian people “The sovereignty belongs to the people”, not to European Commission, not to financial markets. #Italy is not a colony of Germany, no more!
We #M5SEuropa will defend italian democracy!#ilmiovotoconta

— Rosa D’Amato (@rosadamato634) May 29, 2018

There are only two viable options for @JunckerEU after #Oettinger ‘s outrageous words on Italy.
Either he asks for his resignation or rather he kicks him out of the @EU_Commission. Right away.

— Ignazio Corrao (@ignaziocorrao) May 29, 2018

Mr. Oettinger has since apologized.

I did not mean to be disrespectful and I apologize for this. Read my full statement on my remarks on #Italy in the @dwnews interview: https://t.co/oCDeGkK1gu @RiegertBernd #oettinger

— Günther H. Oettinger (@GOettingerEU) May 29, 2018

This might have something to do with his apology. Juncker distanced himself from the now rogue Oettinger.

The Commission has now put out an official statement by President Juncker disowning his budget chief Günther Oettinger’s comments about Italy. A highly unusual move that shows how seriously they’re taking this. pic.twitter.com/1jj2ZTnp7i

— Nick Gutteridge (@nick_gutteridge) May 29, 2018

There isn’t any cause for alarm. Foreign investors are going to be protected in Italy — because that’s the way things are and the Italians are too weak to do anything about it.

EU's Budget Commissioner, Günther H. Oettinger, Says Markets Will Teach Italians Who to Vote For pic.twitter.com/CQhbkMUI2J

— The_Real_Fly (@The_Real_Fly) May 30, 2018

EU Budget Commissioner Günther Oettinger's comments to DW that market pressures could "play a role" in voting habits in Italy have landed him in hot water. https://t.co/EMcjLlBAR4 pic.twitter.com/h9aoVEuauc

— dwnews (@dwnews) May 29, 2018

This statement by the German EU commissioner #Oettinger will probably go down as one of the most infamous in European history. It caused an enormous media firestorm and was mentioned by both Salvini and Di Maio in their plea to fight German control over Italy. pic.twitter.com/YHstq9wkGL

— Alessandra Bocchi (@alessabocchi) May 30, 2018

There are only two viable options for @JunckerEU after #Oettinger ‘s outrageous words on Italy.
Either he asks for his resignation or rather he kicks him out of the @EU_Commission. Right away.

— Ignazio Corrao (@ignaziocorrao) May 29, 2018

Italian markets are +1.7%, as their ‘caretaker’ Prime Minister eases tensions and subjugates Italians to the establishment yoke. The Italians will likely head back to the polls in July, in order to be ignored again and they’ll continue to head back to the polls until they get it right.

On Tuesday Five Star leader Luigi Di Maio called for a return to the polls “as soon as possible”. Italian media said the elections could be scheduled for as early as July. Mr Salvini and Mr Di Maio furiously denounced the presidential veto, blasting what they called meddling by Germany, debt ratings agencies, financial lobbies and even alleging lies from Mr Mattarella’s staff.

“Paolo Savona would not have taken us out of the euro. It’s a lie invented by Mattarella’s advisors,” Mr Di Maio said in a live video on Facebook. “The truth is that they don’t want us in government.”

Markets like this technocratic approach to rule. Dow futures are +160, WTI is +0.8%, and the Euro, of course the Euro, is +0.8%.

German markets have rejoiced as well, higher by 0.7%.

All is well.

Because the Italians can’t decide on what to do with their pathetic lives, the rest of the world suffers. When things get tough around the world and risk is decidedly off, no one suffers more than the Asians.

Men from the orient are accustomed to hard times, having grown up in the rice patties in very hot and horrible conditions. Some of these people sustain themselves off plastic rice — because the real stuff is too expensive. For protein, they make meals out of maggots and scorpions, devouring anything with moving legs.

In recent years, a great bull market has coerced many of these half naked savages out from the bush and into the big cities — to become stockbrokers or perhaps lawyers. The entire ecosystem is predicated on the world remaining solvent, western markets buying their wares, and people fat enough to avoid wanting to cut off the heads of their leaders.

This Italian business threatens all of that and if I was the leader of China, I’d tell Italy in no uncertain terms that I would send armies to attack them, should they dare mess up the status quo. Since Italians are stubborn and think very passionately with their guns, I doubt this conversation would end well. Whilst we believe the Italian business will rectify itself and the people of Italy will be told the STFU and continue sucking on Merkel’s great big German dick, there is an off chance it might not happen that way.

As such, Asian markets are sharply low, vagabond style. The Shanghai is off by 1.6%, Hang Seng -0.8%, and the NIKKEI -1.3%.

The only other notable occurrence is cryptos — they’re rallying hard and no one gives a shit.

Whilst some were out and about ruining their lives on twitter, losing teevee shows, or vast amounts of money — Le Fly was out escaping the pangs of a horrible market session. Like a magician weaving thru raindrops wrought with poison, I ended the session higher, in some cases, appreciable so — led by gains in BILI, FIZZ, ENPH, IQ and XLU.

Over in quant world, I fucking crushed the SPY — producing a flat return, even though I am long CVI.

Hear this now and hear it with a clear head and clean ears: THE FLY CAN NEVER BE DEFEATED. HIS GAINS WILL CONTINUE UNINTERRUPTED, ACCOMPANIED BY WANTON SPLENDOR AND ALL OF THE TRIMMINGS OF DECADENCE THE HEDONISM GODS HAVE TO OFFER.

I’m now heading out to the gym to lift some heavy items. Go ahead and try to stop me.

Pro-tip: you can’t.

This is a very foreboding session for our favorite local investment banker. Look at the downside pin action in the banks, especially the foreign fuckers.

More to the point is the Italian bond-bund spread — currently and menacingly at 292bps. For those of you not versed in this language, it means Italian bonds are trading at nearly a 3% premium (300bps) to German bunds (10yr). This is significant because the EU is supposed to be a bloc. When a member state blows out like this it means the market is pricing in dislocation and possible exit from the union.

The specter of the EU imploding is hitting the European banks — similar to what we saw with BREXIT.

The play here is simple: buy the blood. This will turn out to be more nothing — but we need to time it correctly. Lucky for me, I am machine learning that can tell me exactly when the market is oversold. Lucky for you, you have me.

On the sidelines for now, waiting for a pivot.

I’ve been holding this stock for more than a month, a life time for my discretionary account. By the grace of God, markets are cratering lower today and mostly all of my positions are higher, some appreciably so.

In this case, FIZZ is busting tits to the upside, fork lifting shorts by their under-garments and tossing them into open fire pits.

Clearly, as you can see by this chart, the stock is heading much higher.

The chart does not lie, you incredible faggot. You know damned well FIZZ will get bought out inside of two years, maybe sooner. Everyone with style and a mind for health loves La Croix. Personally, I prefer coconut and cherise limon flavors. But others are just fine too.

Markets are impossible to trade. What you need to do is attain extreme talent, like me, or get some software that could fire out some algorithmic trades, also like me. Otherwise, you’re simply dicking around with charts like some sort of broke-backed broker from the 90s, plainly and evidently retarded.