Cramer: Halliburton’s Lawyers Should Be Outed For Baker Hughes Deal, Dubs it ‘Dumbest Deal Ever’

When I read that Halliburton was going to pay Baker Hughes a $3.5 billion termination fee because of the government hurdle in their way from completing the deal, I could not believe it. How is it possible that the law team at Halliburton could get this so wrong and leave the company exposed to a disastrous termination fee? I’ve never heard of such malfeasance.

Neither has Cramer, who lays into them.

Bill Ackman fired back at Charlie Munger for his connection to Coca-Cola, who, incidentally, looks like he has two coke bottles for eyeglasses, for ‘causing a health crisis’ and replacing water in Nicaragua with coca-cola–subsequently rotting the teeth of children.

Understand something, this is an issue that is very near and dear to Bill, as he has obese family members and is sensitive to the topic of children’s health. But don’t get it twisted. While he owns MDLZ, who markets their sugar-filled oreo cookies into the mouths of newborns, he doesn’t view ‘a snack’ as being the same as a ‘liquid.’

Okay, but Mondelez makes Tang son, the super satan of sugary filled soft drinks.

This whole demonization of Munger and Buffett because coke destroying kids is fucking outrageously funny. It reminds me of the cult classic movie Idiocracy, when the morons in the future were watering their crops with “Brondo” and then wondered why they faced extinction when the crops weren’t growing.

My children have never had coca-cola. It’s an idiots beverage. Americans are increasingly rejecting non-healthy choices in favor of healthy. It’s only a matter of time for Mr. Munger, and his sugar peddling goblins, to give up their plans to profit off the demise of children with soda-pop–in favor of a better, more efficient, delivery system–like a Burger King or a Tim Horton’s restaurant.

Pershing Square owns 38 million shares of QSR, holding company to both Burger King and Tim Horton’s.

Oil, gas, copper, wheat, the whole kit and caboodle are lower today, ruining an otherwise marvelous day in stockville, sans the catamites AAPL-GILD joy kills.

This is especially curious, especially since there dollar is sharply lower by 0.35%, extending its rout to more than 6% for the year.

The divergence between the market, oil and the dollar is one that, wherefore, boggles the mind, body and soul. Subsequently, I will not attempt to understand it or talk about it any longer.

In what has been hitherto been a very genteel morning filled with pleasantries and small, bubbly, bull runs, a dark and insidious storm lurks just around the bend, eagerly awaiting to cast its shadow upon the unwashed masses.

Naturally I’m commingling two separate insults that Munger, the pychotic, leveled at Valeant to combine them as one.

See what an asshole I am?

Munger, in a monotonous CNBC interview this morning said Valeant was robbing his hospital and that the company was literally ‘evil’, not just happenstance. Moreover, the companies behavior was indelibly ‘demented,’ as he likes to call them.

He summed up the whole Valeant share price debacle as something any moron could’ve figured out, subtly laying waste of Billy Boy Ackman.

Lastly, Valeant is filthy rotten sewer.

Suffice it to say, he doesn’t like VRX.

It wasn’t a natural inclination of mine to come out and blurt ‘fuck Buffett’. I’ve been listening to his interview with Becky Quick for what seems like the past 5 hours, and have agreed with much of what he’s said. But I didn’t want to talk about him or his stupid asshole friend, Charlie Munger, for reasons unbeknownst to me.

An old client of mine lives near Buffett and has told me some tales that have been repeated by lots of people who live in Omaha. Buffett, despite being the world’s richest man lives in the same old house he bought 200 years ago. He walks around town like a regular Joe, drinking soda pop. He eats at the local Denny’s and orders folksy food. The bullshit goes on and on.

Buffett, he’s such a nice guy, benevolently amassing tens of billions in personal net worth whilst eating bags of frenched fries and guzzling gallons of cherried coke.

This is an asshole of the very first magnitude.

There’s nothing worse than an asshole pretending to be a nice guy, licking icecream cones in public to look like the average Joe so people don’t want to beat you like a piñata.

Look at me–not a nice guy, complete asshole. But you don’t see me walking around town with a fucking hamburger in my face to blend in with the proletariat.

At this point in my life, I have nothing in common with Warren Buffett. His rhetoric has been repeated over and over again. It’s predictable rubbish from a man who’s a master of deception, skilled marketer of wholesome Midwest kitsch, financial genius disguised as a fucking coupon clipping ham and egger.

Keep on ignoring the price of gold, at your own peril. One day soon, the price of gold is gonna hit you like a tonne of, err, gold bricks, leveling you flat onto the pavement like a piece of chewing gum stuck to the concrete.

In a most astute and glorious fashion, President Andrew Jackson’s bullion is soaring and ripping, and also creeping, above $1,300 for this first time since 2015.

If the good $20 general were here today he’d tell you two things.

1. I saved this rotten country from the fucking Brits in the War of 1812. Fuck with my portrait on the $20, and I’ll kill ya.

2. Fuck the Fed; but gold.

S&P futures are higher by 6. It looks like a higher open.

The Wall Street lobby is strong in NYC. Erenow, the Fed’s discount window was designed to help banks during periods of crisis, to meet liquidity needs. Broker dealers and investment banks were left out of this apparatus because their businesses were ardently risk based and they weren’t responsible for the savings of the vast majority of the American people.

Back in the financial crisis, Goldman bought a small bank in order to qualify for Fed funding.

I guess they just want to forgo the formalities and blatantly permit derivative trading assholes access the discount window when their trades go bust.

“Providing these firms with access to the discount window might be worth exploring,” Dudley said in prepared remarks at a financial markets conference in Amelia Island, Florida organized by the Atlanta Fed.

Dudley is owned by Wall Street.

Don’t worry, the NIKKIE was closed on Friday, so this is nothing more than catch up bear market. The NIKKEI is down 16% for the year, underperforming amidst a sea of negative interest rate policy stupidity.

Here are some of the worst performers on the NIKKEI.

It must suck to be a manufactuer of electric glass in Japan today (I kid).

U.S. futures are flat. We don’t give a shit.

As part of her compensation package, M. Mayer stands to rake in $55 million, in a ‘Golden Parachute’ provided to her by the genteel board of directors at Yahoo.

It’s worth noting that Marissa was paid $36 million in 2015, while the share price slumped double digits.

As part of her potential ‘severance’, she will receive $26,324 in continued health benefits–because $55 million just isn’t enough.

This is greed, personified.

Oh, she will also get $15,000 for ‘outplacement’, whatever the fuck that means.

In 2014, Mayer received $42 million.

Let’s do some math, shall we?

Mayer has received $78 million in compensation since 2014. After selling Yahoo, due it its failure to continue as a sole entity, she will grab another $55, upping her 3 year money snatch from Yahoo shareholders to $133 million.

During the same time she received this enormous compensation, the share price has been flat.

Additionally and most importantly, Yahoo has shed its workforce by 42%.

Crony capitalism at its finest.

Fuck hedges, says the incoming chief, Ed Bastian, from Delta.

“The reason we haven’t hedged for the last year and a half is there’s just too much volatility, and we’ve been burned,” Bastian said in an interview with Bloomberg TV. “We’ve lost over the last eight years about $4 billion, cumulatively, on oil hedges.”

Wow, these clowns are probably the single worst energy traders in the world. How on earth did they manage to lose $4 billion on their hedges over the past 8 years?

The airline wouldn’t hedge again “until we saw a point where there was some longer-term stability to know what to expect,” Bastian, 58, said. “Right now with the volatility and the cost of a premium to hedge, I just don’t think it’s worth the risk.”

In the first quarter, Atlanta-based Delta paid $1.33 a gallon for fuel, down from $2.29 a year earlier. American Airlines Group Inc. has benefited the most among the U.S. airlines eschewing hedging. In the last quarter, American’s fuel costs were $1.21 a gallon, compared with $1.83 a year earlier.

“Just as we saw oil get down to $25 in January, there were people calling for it to go down into the teens,” Bastian said. “I don’t get paid to make those types of bets.”

Crude oil is at historically low levels, which, seemingly, would be an ideal price point to lock in low rates, no? You’d think the CEO would want to put this issue of price volatility to rest, in order to focus on operations. By not hedging, essentially, the incoming Delta chief is gambling on lower prices. This isn’t a decision born out of conservatism for the balance sheet, lamenting the losses endured, erewhile, by his predecessors as evidence of hedging being a scheme that has wasted valuable company resources.

No. This is a greedy man of the very first magnitude. Should oil skyrocket from here, Delta will, once again, enter into the trashbin of bankrupted airlines.