I’D LIKE TO REITERATE MY POSITIONS

This rally goes out to all of the brick-brained chaps loitering about on Twitter, hoping and praying for a decline. Some of you chastised me for giving up hope on a lost cause, opting for the more optimistic approach to life and industry–getting long stocks and big. Now you understand why I did it, only now it’s too late. Your Zeeco accounts have all but been eliminated from contention– approaching zero in disgraceful fashion. The margin clerks will finish you off this afternoon for good.

You barbarous animal.

Here are my top 5 positions, according to size. Please do not ask me about MVIS, as I no longer follow the company. As far as I’m concerned, they are 7 years too late.

EZPW
CRTO
SPLK
SALE
MA

Other positions of note include EGO, NUS and UNXL.

I realize EZPW is underperforming on this fine day and I do not pretend to know all. However, as sure as I am sitting here, inflation is creeping, like a pervert in the trees. Gold will upswing and losers will frequent EZPW’s shoppes at alarming rates, in the coming months.

Everything is a buy. Text messaging is a $19 billion proposition. Therefore, as logic dictates, BBRY is undervalued! I believe one is able to send text messages via antiquated Black’d Berried device. Also, one might do the same with AOL “instant messenger.”

Last I checked, there was a rudimentary form of communication taking place on the “Yelp” mobile app, where users would leave commentary regarding their favorite pizza parlours. Surely, that too should be worth $20 billion, or 5x what it’s trading for now.

Forget about the “old economy” names. We are into making “bold” moves, made by even bolder men of industry. Throw away your chocolate bars and bowls of Campbell’s soup and embrace the idea that Angie from Angie’s list is your new role model. Buy her shares and toss away your Ralph Lauren wares.

Need I remind you, old chap, that you are reading this commentary from the luxury of the internets, whether it be via desktop platform or even one of two of our mobile apps? What would a person, such as yourself, fancy our app is worth? We have a large community of rich investors, worldwide, perusing our domain, in search, desperate almost, for stock advice. They travel from very far to beg The Option Addict for “new picks” like crack fiends seeking a fix–almost to the point of offering blow jobs in exchange for an idea. Surely, such a place of industry is worth at least a few hundred million, a mere pittance for bold men like Mark Zuckerberg.

Facebook is buying What’s App for freakin’ 19 billion dollars.

Such a valuation, puts What’s App above companies like Ralph Lauren and Cambell Soup. With just 55 employees, it’s fair to say this little, stupid, company just hit the internet lottery.

Tell your stubborn kids to take computer science classes in college and ditch finance.

Coffee, represented by JO, has been the biggest loser for years. It went down, down and down, much to the pleasure of coffee retailers, like SBUX, GMCR and SJM. However, all of that is about to change. Their easy going lives of never having to worry about the peasant coffee farmer asking for too much is ending, rather abruptly.

Sure, SBUX and co have locked in prices, at least for awhile. But prices have broken out, commodities have broken out, which is the overarching trend of 2014. For the year, my commodity index, which is domiciled inside of The PPT, is up nearly 9%.

What’s next to go? Maybe some SOYB, SGG, CORN, WEAT or maybe some BAL?

One thing is for certain: 2014 is not like 2013 or 2012. The commodity rally had teeth and I expect to see gold and silver continue to thrive under these conditions.

Long EGO and EZPW.

Zales is just about the very worst company in the world. But they are being bought out today for $21 per share. Do you know where ZLC traded last year? It traded about 4 bucks per share. In other words, the sages from SIG decided it made sense to buy the debt strapped retailer of diamonds for more than 5x what is was trading for last year.

Are people crazy?

Sure they are.

The problem with shorting stocks is the fact that a ZLC can happen at any given moment. Take GMCR as an example. They reported milquetoast numbers and received a token investment from a hasbeen merchant of sugar water and the stock has gone up 50% since then. Is that reasonable?

I’ll tell you what’s reasonable: to squeeze the faces of the people who are short GMCR until their heads explode. Run up the stock to $200, even $300; no one will stop you. By then, all of the shorts will be dead and you can relieve yourselves on their graves.

It’s one thing to get bearish and raise cash. But it’s a whole ‘nother story betting against stocks, praying for their demise. The odds are forever against your favour.

Despite the tepid futures quotes on my masheen, I am optimistic about today’s bounty and look forward to seeing yet another upside reversal.

We haven’t been down more than 2% in March since 2001 and that was a very special situation, post 9/11. If we were going to trade down, it’d be in February. I gave it the old college try, went to cash, starting conducting black magic rituals at night under the full moon. I even sacrificed some livestock in honour of the stock gods. But nothing worked. This market is fruitier than Rock Hudson.

We’re going higher. And after we’re going higher, we’ll go up some more. We’ll keep repeating this process until the very last bear is shot dead in front of the NYSE.

Knowing that information, are you still angling for “lateral moves” into SPY puts or maybe a little FAZ?

So what the a whole bunch of bankers are committing suicide by shooting nail guns at their heads! That’s what happens when you get depressed.

What are we talking about here? Are we all drunk on stupid or what? There isn’t anything to fear. Earnings are moving quickly into the rear view mirror and the fantasy will soon takeover again. Mergers and acquisitions, FDA trials and rumors, lots of rumors.

I made a mistake when I got cautious. And I know you think that I am making another one right now, getting all boolish again near the highs. After all, The PPT flagged OS when the SPY was at $174. Where’s it trading today?

Follow the liquidity. There’s a raging river of depreciating Japanese Yen out there dying to wash ashore. Are you gonna take it? Are you man enough to take it?

The game is just getting started and March, mark my words, is going to be one for the ages.

I still can’t believe FRX got bought out. And I still can’t believe he bought NFLX at $60, and held most of it the whole way. HLF is reporting tonight and I wouldn’t be surprised if they smashed earnings. However, it is the year of Ackman, as his designs of nerdy revenge are thrusting (no homo) full speed ahead.

The victor shall be revealed soon.

I bought some NUS at around $80. High risk-high reward play.

Speculation is in the air again, sans my stocks. I am flat for the day, while everything else is bucking higher. With the yen the way it is and biotech and chinese stocks on fire, there is a distinct feeling of joy and prosperity in the air.

Quit lamenting over the troubles of the world. The stock market is here to make you feel better.

On days like this, people are much less interested in pawn shops in exchange for WUBA’s or maybe a little SOL. Solar energy is the way of the future, the way of the future.

I don’t have much to say, other than the fact I am looking for one my stock to add to my arsenal. Hopefully I will have it for you by the end of the day.

The YEN-SPY carry trade is now running at about an 80% correlation. When the FXY goes lower, stocks trade higher. Intelligent people borrow yen to buy S&P 500 companies paying handsome dividends. These same individuals then garner the proceeds and buy themselves new Tesla automobiles and summer homes in Bath, France.

Aside from that, the world now revolved around the caprices of a certain Carl Icahn. Talk about having it your way and fast: FRX just got bought out and Mr. Icahn just realized another 300% return.

Chinese burritos stocks are looking good this morning, led by QIHU. The only ones that I like are QIHU, SFUN and YY. For degenerate reasons only, I’m also a fan of WBAI.

Has NUS bottomed and will sapphire on silicon really make it big this go around, helping the prospects for GTAT and RBCN?

Guess what? The Yen is down another 0.43% today, so expect to see your favorite stock edge up a little higher today.